Nikoneer

Okay, so here's my dilemma. I see my doc Wed. to tell him EVERYTHING and get his advice. I outed myself to my boss Thursday who was completely understanding and supportive. Fessed up to my brother last night about how serious my drinking problem is.

Quick background:
56 y/o male, never married, lives not "alone" but with 1 very special dog. 40 year drinking problem which spiraled out of control in the last 4 months. Drinking 16 to 24 ounces of Jack a day to self medicate a very horrendous social anxiety disorder.

My job is one which requires very much social interaction with many different people from many different backgrounds. I am responsible for representing hundreds of people. My boss told me it was okay to keep doing (drinking) what I was doing until I see my doc. Next week will be one of the most critical weeks I've had in this job to date with several key meetings. Being the total emotional wreck I am at this point I just don't feel I can or should go back to work at least until I see and talk to my doctor BUT not going to work will put my boss in a very difficult position even though he supports whatever I need to do.

My addiction to alcohol is and has been a symptom of a much deeper rooted problem which is my social anxiety which I have for over 40 years, "self medicated" in order to function. I think I would be classified as a "high functioning alcoholic", or at least I would have been until last Thursday. Since I outed myself I just feel like my cover has been blown and can't function even WITH alcohol now. My job is such that if most anyone even suspected my condition I and my boss would be jumped on by the social/political pariah's within our organization. There's not much sympathy or understanding for such situations in the work world I live in.

I want to live a different (sober) life but do not at this time posses the tools to do so which would be a way to deal with my social anxieties WITHOUT alcohol. To eliminate the alcohol crutch at this time would leave me with nothing other than my social problems for which I have no other mechanisms to deal with.

Thoughts, opinions or advice?...
Thanks in advance.

PS, I would NOT have even made it this far had it not been for all the incredibly supportive people here at SR. For that I owe my life.

Stride34

You say your social anxiety is the root of your alcoholism, but what's the root of your social anxiety. Social anxiety usually results from not knowing/being comfortable with one's self. It has nothing to do with other people, though it's disguised that way. Based on what you said, it's pretty clear what your next steps should be.

First you need to stop drinking, then see a mental health professional and tell them how you feel. They may recommend therapy and/or medication to help you deal with your issues, which can help you STAY sober and also improve your quality of life.

Nikoneer

Thank you for your input Stride. Very insightful. Yes you are correct in that I've NEVER known or have been comfortable with who I am and even though a good hearted person never felt comfortable in thinking that I deserve the better things of life. I've never much liked "me" but have never known why that is although having come from an extremely dysfunctional family has a huge part to play in it I'm sure.

Still, I am unsure about what to do about work.

Thanks

Impurrfect

(((Nikoneer))) - since you've said you feel like you can't function even WITH the alcohol now, your boss is being supportive, and you have a dr's appt. on Wed., I'd personally just wait to see the dr. Yes, it will make it harder on your boss but he's willing to work with you. That's pretty awesome.

You've made some really good steps, but I just think you're going to stress yourself out MORE when the only way you know (now) how to deal with the anxiety is drinking, and you've made the decision you don't want to do that any more. Your "normal" at work is no longer comfortable, and you need to focus on you. Your boss will be fine. JMO.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

artsoul

Hi Nikoneer -

You should feel good about yourself for having the courage to talk to your boss and your brother. It's not an easy thing to do.

It's always scary to face the unknown and getting sober is no exception. I'm sure the anxiety about your job isn't helping things right now. When do you see your doctor? I would definitely tell him/her about the social anxiety as well as the drinking.

Once you get detoxed, I think you'll find a huge difference in your anxiety level. I noticed it right away, within several days, and I found that my depression also lifted. I started feeling good about myself again.

I think it's going to be hard to predict exactly how you're going to feel day to day if you're going through this process. Ideally, it would be nice to be take several days off, but if you feel you can't do that, would there be a way of reducing the work load? Perhaps a note from the doctor would help? After all, people have medical issues all the time that take them away from work. You have to put yourself and your health first. This is a serious disease, you know? Do the best you can, Nikoneer - that's all you can do.

least

I've had anxiety all my adult life but not social anxiety so don't know what to say. I'd suggest also talking to your boss about a few days off work, for detox, and make an appt with a counselor-type person, or a shrink, to try to work on your social anxiety.

I understand you're between a rock and a hard place right now but you've got to do what's best for your health, your well being. I'm sure your boss would understand if your doctor wanted you to take some time off work.

I'd really recommend a good counselor to work on your anxiety. I see an addiction counselor and she helps me with lots of issues, not just sobriety. There are also meds for anxiety that are not addictive (not benzos) - I'm on one myself and it doesn't affect me like the benzos do.

I hope you can get these issues settled to your satisfaction. I'm rooting for ya! :ghug3

pikkle69

I was diagnosed with hyperactivity, anxiety and depression at age six. By 13, I was smoking, drinking and doing drugs. In my mid-twenties, I somehow was able to quit everything for several years and seemed over the anxiety and depression. By my late twenties though I was back to smoking, drinking and doing drugs. I hate to say it but my environment, which was my job at the time, a place where I spent seven days a week, sometime twelve to sixteen hours a day, was an enabler. I recently lost that job after 17 years and I do believe that was a big part of why I was able to put down the bottle. After the first week of sobriety, the depression and anxiety started to subside... not completely gone but greatly reduced.

I'm not saying anyone should lose their job in order to recover, many people find it a stabilizing force, but in my case, this may have been what saved my life.

-p

Nikoneer

Getting ready to go into work.
Not feeling good about this even with being fortified.
I honestly think I can kick the booze but NOT with having this job. The more I think about the job the more I understand I'm doing it for "other people" and not myself. It pays GREAT (80k) a year with all the bennies but I am not now nor have I ever been motivated by money or the finer things in life. I'm a simple kind of person. A quite person who just doesn't need much. Truth be told I think I could be happy just living in a freaking tent.

cuyootoo

That's exactly what I was thinking, but I think the root of social anxiety is just being alive. It's a human condition.

To the original poster, that's a really big deal, that you told your boss about your alcoholism. I hope it motivates you to stay sober, because now that your boss knows about it, if the alcoholism doesn't resolve things could get bad. But, were you using the alcoholism admission to cover a performance issue? Or do you really don't want to work there anymore, but don't have the courage to just make a career change. Maybe letting others make the decision over alcoholism for you? Maybe it wasn't the alcohol after all. I only bring this up because I told people that I was having problems with alcohol who I shouldn't have told. And just giving up drinking doesn't really solve all my problems.

Aegian

Hi Nikoneer and welcome to SR!

I can relate to much of what you said.

I too was drinking upwards of a 5th a day and managed to succeed (somehow) in my career. When I saw my Doc this summer about quitting, he put me on an anti-anxiety med to ease the transition (what they call medically supervised detox). It worked wonders in allowing me to cope (and sleep!) while my body worked to rid itself of the toxins. It also took care of the anxiety issues long enough for me to get off the booze and start dealing with the root cause(s).

On the job, I don't want to say 'suck it up' for now, but put it all on paper and weigh your options. You have a boss who is supporting you, and most critically, you have health benefits.

Recovery from the alcohol demon isn't about 'drying out', it is about learning HOW to live sober. Making a career change could be the very thing you need right now, but you have stability today in your current position. I know for me, in the beginning, I needed the stability in order to focus on my recovery. Others have experienced the opposite in that they needed to make major changes in order to start the clean slate. Only you will know which of the two outweighs the other, but as they say - it is easier to get a job when you already have one - and in this economy, I wouldn't take anything for granted.

I have always been wary about corporate EAP. Going through HR for health issues can be a ticking time bomb. At the end of the day, the people you are dealing with are people and no matter their training (and ethics), there can be trust issues. One idea may be to talk with your Doc about counselling (or even Outpatient classes) that you can submit directly to insurance or pay via HSA without using internal resources.

For this week and next, buckle down, see what the Doc has to say, and get a plan together and don't make any drastic changes until you have all of that in place.

Good luck. We are right here with you. Let us know how you are doing.

least

I beg to differ... Alcoholism can be beat no matter what you do for a living and no matter where you are in your life. Saying that you can't beat alcoholism due to your job is just giving you reason to drink, reason to fail in your desire to live a sober life.

I'd still recommend counseling for your social anxiety and maybe even a shrink for possible anxiety meds which are not addictive. You say you'd likely be doing this for other people and not for yourself. Well, why not make 'yourself' one of those people for whom you're getting sober? And for Sophie too.

I know you can beat this thing and come out on top but you've got to let go of any excuses or rationalizations that would 'give you permission' to drink. I always said I could stop drinking if only... and had a number of reasons or scenarios under which I could quit. The whole point of getting sober is to improve your life, no matter what it is at present.

If you say you can't get sober due to your job you're just setting yourself up for failure - please don't do that to yourself.