butterfly2b

My AH has not been drinking lately (last 3 weeks) but this weekend coming up is going to be a test for both of us. He has been invited to stay overnight with a bunch of coworkers at a cook off and all they do is drink beer and BBQ. He says he doesnt know if he's going to go or not. I don't respond when he says this. I have no input anymore. I don't want to tell him yes or no anymore. Its his choice. I just hope he makes the right one. Is it wrong to hope he makes an absolute fool of himself if he does go? He has before around coworkers when hes drunk. They make fun of him and make him do stupid things. Hes very easily manipulated. So, I guess I just pray he doesnt go and hope for the best. Should I give him an alternate activity? Like tell him,"If you dont want to go friday night, maybe we can go out and do something". ? Worst he could do is say no, right? I guess I wont hold my breath and if he does go with them, Ill take my kids out for some putt putt golf or something to keep our minds off what dad is inevitably doing...

Programmatic

I see nothing wrong with this if the spirit of the request is to get some time with your husband for you instead of simply trying to control alcoholic behavior.

stepsforward

I love that you said It is his choice. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to admit/let go of. It is also your choice to do what you wish with the choice that he makes. I hope he makes the right choice

Carol Star

Just sayin'- in the rooms it is suggested to change your playgrounds and playmates- but it is for him to decide. If he is in recovery he knows this.

jOSE2

Hello Butterfly,
May I ask is your husband in an AA programme.,if he is rather than you giving him alternatives,mine would be that he ring his sponser and speak to him about up and coming event,for me and my experience ,I kept out of my ExAh business concerning matters of what events he may have been invited to,that even went for funerals too,especially with his family members as they were all drinkers, my response was always to speak with his sponser,they give better suggestions than I did,and if he didnt want to speak to his sponser,he was a grown man and I knew he had to take responsibility for his own actions.

All best wishes

butterfly2b

Thanks all. I wasnt going to suggest going out as a control method, just a diversion if he had decided not to go with the guys. You know keep his mind off what he COULD have been doing instead of sitting around all night doing nothing. No he is not in a program because he doesnt believe he has a problem....still. He thinks he can control his drinking and I know where its going to end up. Same place as last time. He will probably start out like this, only have 1 beer when we are at a big gathering. I guess trying to "show me" he CAN stop at just one. Next time Im sure it will be more and then more frequently and back to square one of a 6-12 pk everynight. But, I expected him to come home last night after the cook off where he did drink one beer and go get more beer, but he didnt. Everyone there was saying "Have a beer! Hey, did you get a beer?"etc... And he didnt stay with them either. Instead he invited me and the kids to go out there on the first night of cook off when all the families are there. It was nice and Im glad it went well. I still think he is just trying to silently prove to me he can stop when he wants but you know....Im NOT the one who needs convincing. I already know the truth and I dont have to say a word to him about it because deep down inside he knows the truth too. I guess he just thinks he can fool everyone but....Im no fool. Anyways, I hope the rest of the weekend is nice and peaceful . Peace to all of you too.

msbelle57

so tempting ..change your playmates is good advice..i wish u both the best