Unpleasant Meeting Experience....
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
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Unpleasant Meeting Experience....
So I went to a early morning meeting at the clubhouse today & a man who I've known for a few years came up to me before the meeting. He laughed and said, "I hope you are feeling better today than when I saw you last." Evidently, he ran into me a month ago when I was on a bender staggering near a giant liquor store. I had no recollection of running into him & I felt really ashamed. I was also a little angry that he thought it was amusing. I was very tempted to skip the meeting & hit the bar around the corner for a full day of drinking. Instead I sat through the meeting. I think sometimes I relapse because I'm so ashamed as to what I did in my blackouts.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
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Dom, I'm very frightened of blackouts. I have noticed that as the disease has progressed my blackouts became worse & worse. I once lost track of an entire day! It is one of the reasons I stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
I went to a meeting a over a month ago and this guy told me I looked better than when he had seen me last (it was a sober AA dinner) I had been sober about 6 weeks or so.
I took exception with this and called him out on it saying, "did I look so bad then" Basically I have had a haircut which makes me look sort of "fresher".
He is quite a surly, moody character by all accounts. The first time I met him he was quite outgoing and jovial. I felt good about saying something to him though.
Hang on, there is a point to this. I found this man annoying but the thing is the more sober I become the less annoying people are which is such a relief, it would be a mammoth task trying to make people behave appropriately.
I think what that guy said is totally insensitive. Perhaps when you are feeling stonger, tell him. Also vocalising your shame will help dimish it. It will make you feel better and teach him some manners.
Keep going back to meetings.
All the best
CaiHong
I took exception with this and called him out on it saying, "did I look so bad then" Basically I have had a haircut which makes me look sort of "fresher".
He is quite a surly, moody character by all accounts. The first time I met him he was quite outgoing and jovial. I felt good about saying something to him though.
Hang on, there is a point to this. I found this man annoying but the thing is the more sober I become the less annoying people are which is such a relief, it would be a mammoth task trying to make people behave appropriately.
I think what that guy said is totally insensitive. Perhaps when you are feeling stonger, tell him. Also vocalising your shame will help dimish it. It will make you feel better and teach him some manners.
Keep going back to meetings.
All the best
CaiHong
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I once lost track of an entire day! It is one of the reasons I stay sober.
When I came into AA I had no recollection at all of about August '71 to November '75. Slowly most of it came back, however, to this day, over 30 years later, the only things I know of my life from September '72 to October '73 is what friends and family have related to me. I totally FRIED a lot of pathways and memories in my brain.
Blackouts are very hazardous to your health Just. And, by getting a sponsor, and following suggestions and directions this time, you will be able to THANK that fellow for reminding you of why you are there. Also, by following suggestions and directions, even if you are 'kicking and screaming' (I did a lot of that the first 6 to 9 months, lol) you will start to receive some of those promises on Page 84, especially the one:
"we will not forget the past nor wish to shut the door on it."
Your path will become a BIG part of your ES&H as you work with others.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
ps: this was and is one of my favorite songs in recovery as I sure needed a BIG ONE, roflmao
Attitude Adjustment---Hank Williams, Jr. - YouTube
TheMostSordidSpotOnEarth
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ParadiseOnEarth
Posts: 811
Justfor1, my heart absolutely goes out to you.
I know that when I came into the rooms, the shame I felt was overwhelming. I cried on the steps before my first meeting, I cried (and considered lying) when they asked me my name, I cried during the meeting, I couldn't get words out when I thought I was supposed to share, and I was still weak, pale, sweating and paranoid. It had taken me 36 days sober, 46 days since I had turned my apartment into my own treatment center, to work up the stamina and courage to walk the two miles to get there. Once I did, I couldn't bring myself to say I was alcoholic. They read from a book and I couldn't even understand what they were saying. That night, I just sobbed. I thought about everything that I thought had gone wrong, from everything everyone else did or didn't do, to a detailed attack on myself for what I could remember of everything I said, didn't say, did, and didn't do.
Having seen how little i could trust my mind, I suspected at the time that the treatment was upsetting my alcoholism -- that is, that it knew I was in the right place, and I believed that the illness was going to use whatever it could to get me out of there, namely guilt, shame, fear, my pride, so that it could finish me off. Pride kills alcoholics. But something told me that this really was the last house on the block, and that maybe I really would find something I needed that had eluded me my entire adult life. I say with earnestness that at the time, the thing that allowed me to go back was that someone on SR told me that they knew of someone that had peed and vomited on themselves during a meeting, and I thought that I hadn't done that, but I went back to my second meeting repeating to myself that if I did then I wouldn't be alone. That was the best I had as far as tools went at the time. I was not a well bunny.
You, my friend, are not alone. We have lived through so much, and been so badly beaten during our time out there. We do get very sick, in so many ways. But we've lived to tell about it, gotten well, and want to share what works for us, if you want it too.
You are very much in the right place.
Welcome home.
I know that when I came into the rooms, the shame I felt was overwhelming. I cried on the steps before my first meeting, I cried (and considered lying) when they asked me my name, I cried during the meeting, I couldn't get words out when I thought I was supposed to share, and I was still weak, pale, sweating and paranoid. It had taken me 36 days sober, 46 days since I had turned my apartment into my own treatment center, to work up the stamina and courage to walk the two miles to get there. Once I did, I couldn't bring myself to say I was alcoholic. They read from a book and I couldn't even understand what they were saying. That night, I just sobbed. I thought about everything that I thought had gone wrong, from everything everyone else did or didn't do, to a detailed attack on myself for what I could remember of everything I said, didn't say, did, and didn't do.
Having seen how little i could trust my mind, I suspected at the time that the treatment was upsetting my alcoholism -- that is, that it knew I was in the right place, and I believed that the illness was going to use whatever it could to get me out of there, namely guilt, shame, fear, my pride, so that it could finish me off. Pride kills alcoholics. But something told me that this really was the last house on the block, and that maybe I really would find something I needed that had eluded me my entire adult life. I say with earnestness that at the time, the thing that allowed me to go back was that someone on SR told me that they knew of someone that had peed and vomited on themselves during a meeting, and I thought that I hadn't done that, but I went back to my second meeting repeating to myself that if I did then I wouldn't be alone. That was the best I had as far as tools went at the time. I was not a well bunny.
You, my friend, are not alone. We have lived through so much, and been so badly beaten during our time out there. We do get very sick, in so many ways. But we've lived to tell about it, gotten well, and want to share what works for us, if you want it too.
You are very much in the right place.
Welcome home.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 594
So proud of you for staying thru the meeting and didnt act on impulse!!! We as alcoholics assume many many things and usually its negitive. We also let alot of emotions rule the pathway of our thinking. Yes there is always an annoying oldtimer in meetings that feels the need to strike us with their wisdom. Dont let it get you down...he was once somewhere similar. I like to remember the slogan "take what you need....leave the rest" Leave the negativity and dont let anyone stop you from taking what you need from meetings!!
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
"I hope you are feeling better today than when I saw you last."
I don't know what it's like where you live, but around here, you'll hear a lot of laughter at meetings. We take that "we are not a glum lot" stuff to heart. And it's the country with country manners, which sometimes means coming out with what's on your mind rather than a whole lot of polite smiles. Also, I don't know how old the guy is, but it seems (around here) we give quite a bit more latitude to older folks when it comes to conversation. We tend to focus more on the content of their words than on the delivery.
I say that to say this: You're focused on how you feel about what he said rather than on what he said. He said he has hope for you. How wonderful is that?
Peace & Love,
Sugah
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I always have been rather sensitive on one hand and totally insensitive on the other. In time though, working on the quality of your sobriety, I think you'll find that things like this won't bug you nearly as much Just.
It's interesting, isn't it, that your alcoholism wanted you to get drunk AT him.....as if it would hurt him back or something?
And make no mistake, alcoholism will use ANYTHING as an excuse to go back out and you won't always be able to catch it in the act - hence the need for some greater power in our lives.
It's interesting, isn't it, that your alcoholism wanted you to get drunk AT him.....as if it would hurt him back or something?
And make no mistake, alcoholism will use ANYTHING as an excuse to go back out and you won't always be able to catch it in the act - hence the need for some greater power in our lives.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
When I came to AA, I was extremely self-conscious, self-centered, and saw things in a negative state of mind. My perspective was skewed. I was angry, mostly with myself. I took everything the wrong way. All of this changed after I took the steps, thank goodness! Today my perspective is much healthier.
You may be different than me, but I heard that man give you a compliment. Give time time. Heal well!
You may be different than me, but I heard that man give you a compliment. Give time time. Heal well!
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No sugerbear it was a put down. I never really liked him and I probably said something obnoxious to him or asked him for money when I was blacked out. He has been sober for 12 years and has to give a 10minute lead every time he shares.
problem with authority
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 870
I also interpreted it as a friendly (if joshing) comment. I owe my life to the people who called me on my behavior, both before and after stopping drinking. People who loved me enough to tell the truth and not pussyfoot around it are my kind of people.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 218
I understand how you are feeling. I see how it hurt your feelings. Stuff like that still ticks me off a lot.
Funny story about something similar....when I first started in the program, I was meeting hopping but I had a group I said was my home group. Once I showed up there and when they said, "any visitors?" this guy (who knew me and that I wasn't a visitor) said, "so and so's visiting!" (me). I was so mad because I thought he was sarcastically pointing out that I was working a terrible program and didn't have a home group. Then after the meeting he said, "so where's your home group?" and I was even more offended. BUT I started showing up to more meetings, settled into a home group, and continued talking to the guy even though he ticked me off. His point hit me hard enough to help me realize I had to have a home group.
Now we are buddies, and when I thanked him for calling me out on my crap, however harsh, and helping my butt get to meetings, he said, "huh? I don't even remember that, and I'm sure I was just joking around with you." So for me sometimes my mind twists things around to being this huge statement against me, when to someone else, it was a passing comment. Even then, I can choose to take the lesson out of it that I can use and leave the rest.
Good luck, and congrats on staying. It gets better and better!
Funny story about something similar....when I first started in the program, I was meeting hopping but I had a group I said was my home group. Once I showed up there and when they said, "any visitors?" this guy (who knew me and that I wasn't a visitor) said, "so and so's visiting!" (me). I was so mad because I thought he was sarcastically pointing out that I was working a terrible program and didn't have a home group. Then after the meeting he said, "so where's your home group?" and I was even more offended. BUT I started showing up to more meetings, settled into a home group, and continued talking to the guy even though he ticked me off. His point hit me hard enough to help me realize I had to have a home group.
Now we are buddies, and when I thanked him for calling me out on my crap, however harsh, and helping my butt get to meetings, he said, "huh? I don't even remember that, and I'm sure I was just joking around with you." So for me sometimes my mind twists things around to being this huge statement against me, when to someone else, it was a passing comment. Even then, I can choose to take the lesson out of it that I can use and leave the rest.
Good luck, and congrats on staying. It gets better and better!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 107
IT GETS WORSE.
When I came into AA I had no recollection at all of about August '71 to November '75. Slowly most of it came back, however, to this day, over 30 years later, the only things I know of my life from September '72 to October '73 is what friends and family have related to me. I totally FRIED a lot of pathways and memories in my brain.
When I came into AA I had no recollection at all of about August '71 to November '75. Slowly most of it came back, however, to this day, over 30 years later, the only things I know of my life from September '72 to October '73 is what friends and family have related to me. I totally FRIED a lot of pathways and memories in my brain.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Posts: 226
Originally Posted by Justfor1 
I felt really ashamed. I was also a little angry that he thought it was amusing. I was very tempted to skip the meeting & hit the bar around the corner for a full day of drinking.
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