on the wagon again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 18
on the wagon again
It's been two years since I've been on here and I had totally fallen off the wagon but an incident at the weekend has prompted me to rise up and be strong again.
I had lasted a few months sober then lapsed big time and haven't stopped until yesterday. I live with a strong controlfreak family...my husbands. There are so many of them watching you that I think that is half the reason I drink. They just love it when I slip up which I did on Saturday night. We had one of our many family gatherings which I always dread anyway, I was going to be 'good' and not drink too much but then I got with my brother in law (not a blood relative of hubby's so we are both outlaws!!) We got so drunk that now there are photos of me kissing another female (a German girl who is visiting our neighbor) in front of my husband and three teenagers and one of me passed out on the floor of the hall where we were partying. My husband is disgusted with me and is hardly talking to me, my kids are mortified that the pictures have made it onto a social networking site and I can't even begin to explain how humiliated I am...as I can't even remember any of this. My husbands sister gave me a total dressing down yesterday as did my mother in law. My father in law is not talking to me so I am feeling so depressed and down. The last few months I haven't even got out of bed until noon as I sit up drinking until three in the morning. Things are really spiralling downwards so now is the time to go "No More!!!" Today, I have iced water in the fridge; I am armed with my ipod with a self help track on it; I have set up a reward chart for each day; but I know it's a one day at a time thing. My ultimate goal is to get enough reward to go on a nice holiday. This feels so good to get this out and know that somewhere out there someone understands exactly what I am going through. It can only get better.
I had lasted a few months sober then lapsed big time and haven't stopped until yesterday. I live with a strong controlfreak family...my husbands. There are so many of them watching you that I think that is half the reason I drink. They just love it when I slip up which I did on Saturday night. We had one of our many family gatherings which I always dread anyway, I was going to be 'good' and not drink too much but then I got with my brother in law (not a blood relative of hubby's so we are both outlaws!!) We got so drunk that now there are photos of me kissing another female (a German girl who is visiting our neighbor) in front of my husband and three teenagers and one of me passed out on the floor of the hall where we were partying. My husband is disgusted with me and is hardly talking to me, my kids are mortified that the pictures have made it onto a social networking site and I can't even begin to explain how humiliated I am...as I can't even remember any of this. My husbands sister gave me a total dressing down yesterday as did my mother in law. My father in law is not talking to me so I am feeling so depressed and down. The last few months I haven't even got out of bed until noon as I sit up drinking until three in the morning. Things are really spiralling downwards so now is the time to go "No More!!!" Today, I have iced water in the fridge; I am armed with my ipod with a self help track on it; I have set up a reward chart for each day; but I know it's a one day at a time thing. My ultimate goal is to get enough reward to go on a nice holiday. This feels so good to get this out and know that somewhere out there someone understands exactly what I am going through. It can only get better.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
welcome back fivealive
I'm really sorry for all of that - it sounds dreadful - a really good reason to stop tho.
You already know you'll find support and advice here
here's to a new start
D
I'm really sorry for all of that - it sounds dreadful - a really good reason to stop tho.
You already know you'll find support and advice here
here's to a new start
D
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
You have resolved to do something about it now, you have a plan. It will take time to heal all the pain and hurts.
I found reading the Big Book (free online) helped me focus on my resolve in those important early times. I still post daily on the daily support thread I joined, that is a real help as well.
I found reading the Big Book (free online) helped me focus on my resolve in those important early times. I still post daily on the daily support thread I joined, that is a real help as well.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
