itsanewday2011

Well, I haven't posted in a couple weeks (been a little distracted with work and the news that I have a torn tendon and torn ligament in my ankle - ugh!) I am now in a boot hoping to avoid surgery. I could definitely use some prayers as the news almost put me over the edge! (I had ignored my painful and swollen ankle since January while dealing with all of the other chaos in my life - not smart).

On to the topic at hand....ex moved into sober housing last weekend....he seems to be doing a lot better - has seen his daughter regularly for the last couple of weeks. Things have been "ok". He has made his last 8 parenting time visits. He seems positive and is excited for his new situation.

Ex's Dad ended up paying $100 so he could move and buying ex groceries for him to move into sober housing (I guess some co-dependents never learn). Oh well, not my choice and not my problem. It is interesting...I asked ex why he decided to make the move...he wanted to surround himself with a support system (which I think is smart) and he couldn't afford the apartment. He now said he can afford child support - we shall see.
He had been living in an apartment for 6 months post rehab...he probably should have done the sober house in the beginning.

We shall see how it goes....any of you have experiences with sober houses?

Interesting thing, though...I asked him if he was going to meetings...he is going to AA. His addiction was cocaine...is that typical? Not that I am judging, but he said that the NA meetings were too "weird" and the people weren't as "normal" as those at AA. Is something wrong with this picture? Once again he seems to put himself on a pedestal like he is above the disease. I don't get it, but perhaps I never will.

Curious for any thoughts.....good checking in with you all!

sunshineandrain

He seems to be distancing himself from his disease, in my opinion. Hope your ankle gets better. I'm really looking forward to this thread because my boyfriend is going to try sober housing as well.

Impurrfect

Hope the ankle gets better soon! When I went to meetings, though I was an addict, I went to AA. There were a lot more meetings, an alano club that had several daily meetings, fun stuff (halloween parties) and was open 24/7 during holidays. There were a lot of us addict in there, so I don't really see that as an issue. Time will tell if he is truly wanting and working recovery.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

itsanewday2011

Hi Sunshine - thanks for the post and well wishes on the ankle!

I don't know much about sober housing and the success factor. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend.

itsanewday2011

Thanks Impurrfect! I'm new to this so I don't know what is "typical". I'm glad to hear AA is common for all As. It is interesting...my ex basically hit "bottom" after his first marriage, went MIA for a year or so, then was diagnosed with bi-polar and we met. The bi polar was blamed for his past use. He didn't really have "long term" use during our courtship and marriage, just once or twice a year I think? When he was in rehab in March - they addressed that he has both an addiction and mental illness, so perhaps he will treat his recovery with more "intention" now?

So, part of me thinks he will get better and do fine, I just don't know how long it will last. Part of me is realizing how much of a co-dependent I really am .....I seemed to "live" for the chaos we had going for a while...now that it is calm again, I am wondering if that i why I am questioning his intentions?

outtolunch

When my daughter was in her last rehab in California, they went to offsite meetings every evening, 7 days a week. Most of the meetings were AA. At the time I thought it unusual, too. My daughter's case manager told me that the NA meetings in the area tended to be full of court -ordered attendees who were just marking time and more interested in making drug hook ups than recovery. She also said the speakers at the area AA meetings were better and stronger in their recovery.

Back on the home front, deep onto my own codependency, I tried dragging my daughter to AA meets. She zoned out while I paid attention. I was stunned that so many were recovering drug addicts. It was then that I came to the conclusion that 12 steps are 12 steps.

It was this forum that eventually taught me to stay in my own hula-hoop and out of my daughter's recovery zone.

outtolunch

I resembled this statement.

Impurrfect

ditto (((OTL))) - I absolutely THRIVED on codependency. My only relationships have been with now XABFs, one for more than 20 years, got so bad I started abusing stuff and turned into a full-blown addict.

I had to hit my bottom in codependency, just as I did with my addiction. I still have slips and slides, but not as often, thanks to all the great people here who have guided me and shared their ES&H (experience, strength, and hope). When we finally get it? It's like a huge weight lifted off our shoulders. You're in good hands here to help you walk your own "recovery road", regardless of what he does.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Kindeyes

I hope you heal quickly!

It's good that he's in a sober living environment. It's good that he's going to meetings.

One day at a time......at least today he's doing the next right thing.

gentle hugs
ke

loveforhorses

You asked about sober living environments. I don't know much about all of them, but I can tell you my boyfriend lives in one. The kind he lives in is considered a 3/4 house and is self run and directed meaning there is no staff and they cover their living expenses for the house, mantain the house and hold each other accountable. They hold interviews with people who want to come in and they current house members vote on whether or not to accept the person. If they feel someone is using they give that person a drug test. Everyone has chores etc. They can also kick out someone who is using or not following house rules or for not paying their rent with a 50% vote of the house. I am there multiple times a week, and spend the night a few times a month. One house rule is the members attend meetings 4-5 times a week. My boyfriend is allowed to either have me spend the night 3xs a week or he can spend the night out 3xs a week. The house is clean and well kept. I can try to answer any other questions that you have is you have specific ones.

Hugs