Codependent? And Serious About Your Recovery?
I'm no angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Codependent? And Serious About Your Recovery?
Cynical One posted this several years ago, I believe that is worth a reread.
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How to Tell if a Codependent is Serious About Recovery
How to Tell if a Codependent is Serious About Recovery
1. On their own, they will educate themselves about the disease of addiction.
2. They will read everything they can on enabling, codependency, boundaries, and abuse.
3. They will actually attend meetings instead of coming up with a list of excuses why they can’t.
4. They will get a sponsor - the toughest one they can find -- who will bring them to understand that they are powerless over others, and that nothing they do or say will make an addict use or not use drugs.
5. They will start saying nice and good things about the meetings that they are attending -- not complaining. They will not be embarrassed to be there.
6. They will no longer be in denial, thinking they are different, their addicted loved one is different, or together they are different. They also will not feel the need to be defensive when others say something that hits a nerve- they will just take what they need and leave the rest.
7. They will no longer look for proof of drug use by checking phone records, questioning friends and family, following, going thru pockets or wallets.
8. They will no longer feel the need to give the “report of the day” on what the addict is doing/not doing, saying/not saying.
9. You will see the beginnings of them practicing self-care: eating well, sleeping soundly, exercising, relaxing, going out with friends and family, having fun.
10. They will actually talk "recovery," not just vent about the addicts activities.
11. On their own, they will avoid the people, places and things that involve abuse, unacceptable behavior, drugs or illegal activities.
12. Manipulation will continue, probably, but it will be must less pronounced as they become more aware that the techniques of guilt, anger, hurt, resentment are feelings that they ALLOW and are only harming themselves.
13. Others will probably comment to you, out of the blue, that they notice a change in you, that you no longer need validation from others, that you seem more self-confident, that your happiness is no longer dependent on others.
Please feel free to add to the list
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[IMG]http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/images/misc/menu_open.gif[/IMG]7-2009,
How to Tell if a Codependent is Serious About Recovery
How to Tell if a Codependent is Serious About Recovery
1. On their own, they will educate themselves about the disease of addiction.
2. They will read everything they can on enabling, codependency, boundaries, and abuse.
3. They will actually attend meetings instead of coming up with a list of excuses why they can’t.
4. They will get a sponsor - the toughest one they can find -- who will bring them to understand that they are powerless over others, and that nothing they do or say will make an addict use or not use drugs.
5. They will start saying nice and good things about the meetings that they are attending -- not complaining. They will not be embarrassed to be there.
6. They will no longer be in denial, thinking they are different, their addicted loved one is different, or together they are different. They also will not feel the need to be defensive when others say something that hits a nerve- they will just take what they need and leave the rest.
7. They will no longer look for proof of drug use by checking phone records, questioning friends and family, following, going thru pockets or wallets.
8. They will no longer feel the need to give the “report of the day” on what the addict is doing/not doing, saying/not saying.
9. You will see the beginnings of them practicing self-care: eating well, sleeping soundly, exercising, relaxing, going out with friends and family, having fun.
10. They will actually talk "recovery," not just vent about the addicts activities.
11. On their own, they will avoid the people, places and things that involve abuse, unacceptable behavior, drugs or illegal activities.
12. Manipulation will continue, probably, but it will be must less pronounced as they become more aware that the techniques of guilt, anger, hurt, resentment are feelings that they ALLOW and are only harming themselves.
13. Others will probably comment to you, out of the blue, that they notice a change in you, that you no longer need validation from others, that you seem more self-confident, that your happiness is no longer dependent on others.
Please feel free to add to the list
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Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
7. They will no longer look for proof of drug use by checking phone records, questioning friends and family, following, going thru pockets or wallets.
#7 was me, for whatever reason when I KNEW without a doubt that my son was using drugs, I felt a great need to "prove it" and let him see the "proof" that he could not deny.
How crazy was that, to prove to someone caught up in the insanity of addiction that "I" wasn't crazy!
One of the gifts of recovery was when I could finally just trust my gut and know what I knew without any need to prove it to anyone.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 277
What do you do with not checking any more?? I get it but what just live in house with 21 yr old addict. I was told that I must have a joint recovery program agreement for him to have best chance of sobriety
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by Rosie2015 
What do you do with not checking any more?? I get it but what just live in house with 21 yr old addict. I was told that I must have a joint recovery program agreement for him to have best chance of sobriety
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