I need a sponsor
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 200
I need a sponsor
Hi all. I'm trying to get with a sponsor in one of the programs (OA) I'm in, but haven't felt comfortable with anyone yet. People say the only way to work the steps is to work them with a sponsor. Any tips on how I can get a sponsor? Does it HAVE to be an in-person sponsor, or could it be someone online?
My major issues are food/sugar, pain pills, isolating, depression, hoarding, and that's about all I can think of right now, but that's enough, lol!
Just need some guidance.
Thanks!
~Pandie~
:
My major issues are food/sugar, pain pills, isolating, depression, hoarding, and that's about all I can think of right now, but that's enough, lol!
Just need some guidance.
Thanks!
~Pandie~
:
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Pandie
I'm not in a 12 step programme so I'll let those who are share their thoughts and experience.
Did you know we have an Eating Disorder forum here too?
you may find support down there as well
Eating Disorders - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
I'm not in a 12 step programme so I'll let those who are share their thoughts and experience.
Did you know we have an Eating Disorder forum here too?
you may find support down there as well
Eating Disorders - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Hi!
My first sponsor was an online sponsor that I met here! We soon made phone contact as well and she got me on my way. My second sponsor I met at a convention. Two weeks later I moved cross country (to a place with no meetings) and he has continued as my sponsor, via phone and chat.
Is this ideal? Perhaps not, on the other hand it has a few advantages. Anonymity is a non issue. We don't get caught up in any group drama. I can share things with him that I think I would hesitate if we were face to face, not because I don't trust him, but because of the fact that we would move in so many of the same circles etc.
I think that whether or not a sponsor/sponsee relationship works, like other relationships, has to do with the people involved and how they work it. I think having a long distance sponsor may not work for some, and it might be a great solution for others. Total honesty with ourselves and our sponsor is critical. And this is regarding the sponsor/sponsee relationship as well. If it's not working, doesn't feel supportive enough, if we need someone "with skin on",etc, best to own up to them and ourselves. If we are using a long distance sponsor so we can "hide", avoid meetings or face to face contact with other recovering addicts we need to examine that as well.
It was a real blessing that I found my sponsor during such a time in my life and before I moved to my current situation. Otherwise I might be rudderless and floundering around trying to do the steps on my own.
I know several people who, for various reasons, have long distance sponsors. I know several who have face to face sponsors and feel they can't be totally honest with them. Not that having a long distance sponsor guarantees honesty. Like any relationship, honest communication is key, and dedication to the purpose.
feel free to PM me if you think it might help.
My first sponsor was an online sponsor that I met here! We soon made phone contact as well and she got me on my way. My second sponsor I met at a convention. Two weeks later I moved cross country (to a place with no meetings) and he has continued as my sponsor, via phone and chat.
Is this ideal? Perhaps not, on the other hand it has a few advantages. Anonymity is a non issue. We don't get caught up in any group drama. I can share things with him that I think I would hesitate if we were face to face, not because I don't trust him, but because of the fact that we would move in so many of the same circles etc.
I think that whether or not a sponsor/sponsee relationship works, like other relationships, has to do with the people involved and how they work it. I think having a long distance sponsor may not work for some, and it might be a great solution for others. Total honesty with ourselves and our sponsor is critical. And this is regarding the sponsor/sponsee relationship as well. If it's not working, doesn't feel supportive enough, if we need someone "with skin on",etc, best to own up to them and ourselves. If we are using a long distance sponsor so we can "hide", avoid meetings or face to face contact with other recovering addicts we need to examine that as well.
It was a real blessing that I found my sponsor during such a time in my life and before I moved to my current situation. Otherwise I might be rudderless and floundering around trying to do the steps on my own.
I know several people who, for various reasons, have long distance sponsors. I know several who have face to face sponsors and feel they can't be totally honest with them. Not that having a long distance sponsor guarantees honesty. Like any relationship, honest communication is key, and dedication to the purpose.
feel free to PM me if you think it might help.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Pray on it. Your sponsor will show! (my fiance changed from alcohol to food, he had pneumonia & lost use of his kidneys, became more ill after 5 years of dialysis, more problems arose, he passed away at 500 pounds. I cleaned out the house cause stepkids left, I found out he was also hoarding tons of stuff-I did see him acquire stuff via buying unneccessary things...he was trying to fill an emptiness cause he never completed his step work. He ate, I drank).
You could find a temporary sponsor...
xa-speakers have oa speakers! I wish you well on your recovery. You can do it!
You could find a temporary sponsor...
xa-speakers have oa speakers! I wish you well on your recovery. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: texas
Posts: 38
People have all sorts of different sponsors but I NEED one that is nearby to me. When i'm in major crisis it helps me to have my sponsor be at the meeting with me... yea i'm needy like that. It also saves the minutes on my phone with local calls only.
Just ask for a sponsor, it doesn't necessarily need to be someone like you. I'm thankful for the differences my sponsor and I have. The worst that can happen is that they can tell you no and maybe offer some advice. I can only have female sponsors since i'm a female.. and I sure don't trust myself being vulnerable with straight men lol.. i'm not there yet.
Just ask for a sponsor, it doesn't necessarily need to be someone like you. I'm thankful for the differences my sponsor and I have. The worst that can happen is that they can tell you no and maybe offer some advice. I can only have female sponsors since i'm a female.. and I sure don't trust myself being vulnerable with straight men lol.. i'm not there yet.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 200
Thanks everyone for the words of advice. Sugarbear, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband 
. People in program have said to "find someone who has what you want and ask them to share how they did it". I have an awesome lady whom I asked to sponsor me a couple of months ago. She said yes. She was getting ready to go to Ireland for two weeks, she gave me some starter homework and I was supposed to call her back and I haven't 
. I don't know why. I believe the TURBULENT relationship I had with my mother makes it hard for me to 1. trust someone, and 2. listen to what they tell me to do. 
I always think I know what's best for me, but obviously, I'm sorely mistaken!!
There is another lady in NA/AA and she has offered to be my sponsor, but she wants me to do things I'm not ready to do. As far as the pills, she wants me to write a letter to my doctor telling him that I'm an addict and asking him not to prescribe any more meds for me. I'm not ready to make that step.
I can get my med refilled this Thursday or Friday and I really don't have much of a plan as of yet. The only plan I've thought about is having my doctor call them in to the pharmacy (so they are there if I need them), and not getting them filled until I am in a lot of PHYSICAL pain. I also will not pick up all 30 pills, instead I will get 10 at a time. I do not budget well, same as if when I get my paycheck, I go nuts and spend it on stuff I do not need, then I'm down to a couple bucks by the next payday. I guess I'm so early in recovery to think this way, but I seriously do not know what I'd do if I had to completely stop taking it and never have it again. It's been a part of my life for over 10yrs.
~Pandie~
. People in program have said to "find someone who has what you want and ask them to share how they did it". I have an awesome lady whom I asked to sponsor me a couple of months ago. She said yes
. She was getting ready to go to Ireland for two weeks, she gave me some starter homework and I was supposed to call her back and I haven't 
. I don't know why. I believe the TURBULENT relationship I had with my mother makes it hard for me to 1. trust someone, and 2. listen to what they tell me to do. I always think I know what's best for me, but obviously, I'm sorely mistaken!! There is another lady in NA/AA and she has offered to be my sponsor, but she wants me to do things I'm not ready to do. As far as the pills, she wants me to write a letter to my doctor telling him that I'm an addict and asking him not to prescribe any more meds for me. I'm not ready to make that step.
I can get my med refilled this Thursday or Friday and I really don't have much of a plan as of yet. The only plan I've thought about is having my doctor call them in to the pharmacy (so they are there if I need them), and not getting them filled until I am in a lot of PHYSICAL pain. I also will not pick up all 30 pills, instead I will get 10 at a time. I do not budget well, same as if when I get my paycheck, I go nuts and spend it on stuff I do not need, then I'm down to a couple bucks by the next payday. I guess I'm so early in recovery to think this way, but I seriously do not know what I'd do if I had to completely stop taking it and never have it again. It's been a part of my life for over 10yrs.
~Pandie~
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
A sponsor's role is to take you through the steps, not for medical advice, financial help, relationship advice. Now it's time for you to decide how badly you want to change. Honesty is key, so you can talk to doctor yourself, but you & meds are between you & doctor, only.
Then follow suggestions for stepwork. Prayers to you.
Then follow suggestions for stepwork. Prayers to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I suffer chronic pain issues Pandie.
I need certain meds sometimes, and there's no gettign around that - but at the same time it's my responsibility to be perfectly honest with my Dr - that way I can be sure I'm on the treatment that's best for me, one that not only deals with my pain but is also mindful of my addictive past.
I'd really consider talking plainly about this with your Dr if you haven't already - there may be another treatment that may be more suitable for you?
If you haven't yet - I know it's a scary thought, but I really hope you'll find it in you to make that step soon
D
I need certain meds sometimes, and there's no gettign around that - but at the same time it's my responsibility to be perfectly honest with my Dr - that way I can be sure I'm on the treatment that's best for me, one that not only deals with my pain but is also mindful of my addictive past.
I'd really consider talking plainly about this with your Dr if you haven't already - there may be another treatment that may be more suitable for you?
If you haven't yet - I know it's a scary thought, but I really hope you'll find it in you to make that step soon
D
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