sark

I have tried and tried to stop drinking on my own at home. I go to an out patient clinic and AA meetings but i continue to drink. I want to so be done with it but i am stuck.

The times that i have tried stopping the withdrawls are very uncomfortable. My husband died in November so i care for my two kids on my own. Going through the withdrawls with two kids who are still grieving and going through the normal teen hormones is very hard.

I know i really really need to be in a detox unit but I dont know how I can with two kids to care for. I do have some friends who i met at church. One of my good ones knows my struggle with alchohol. I feel its asking to much for her or my other friend to take the kids while i am in detox. My good one has a 3 and 13 month old and is married so she is already busy. The other thing is that I have only known them for about six months. The pastor and my friend also feels that I can stop drinking with the help of god and I really dont need to go to rehab.
However stopping on my own is not working. I do have some family but I will not let them know my issue because of fear and other reasons. Its to much to say here but it is not an option to let them know plus they live about 50 minutes away. With the kids in school it complicates things.

I am so desperate but stuck. I wish thier were some detox units that had a special area for single parents. Any one ever in this situation?




I think i cant stop because the withdrawls are bad, its only my kids and I at home so i dont have someone at home telling me not to drink. Working through the grieving process of loosing my husband ten months ago is also not helping.

Dee74

I'm sorry you're still struggling Sark.

You don't need someone telling you not to drink tho - you just need to learn to tell yourself.
We're the best ally we could find.

Until you get to that point support is important - have you checked out other things besides AA?

Have you spoken with the OP clinic or a Dr ? they may know something about local detox units or they may be able to help with withdrawal. They may have other suggestions too

D

ReadyAndAble

Hi, Sark.

Wow, you have been through a lot. I'm sorry. But you know, even though I sometimes thought alcohol was a comfort when I was sad or lonely and scared, it wasn't. Looking back I realize it only prolonged my misery. It made it impossible to heal, because it kept me apart from the thing I needed most: a sense of hope.

Please don't be like me, and let years slip by waiting for right time. It never feels like the right time, believe me, and it only gets harder. The only thing I regret about recovery is that I didn't start sooner. You can do this.

firestorm090

Hello and welcome Sark,

Your story truly depicts the agony, frustration and hopelessness many of us feel when we are stuck on the rollercoaster of alcoholism. Life's tragedies set us back and we're unable to cope with the onslaught on emotions that accompany the tragedy, so we drink in an attempt to deaden the pain. Unfortunately, being intoxicated only delays the grieveing process, but ultimately we have to face the pain and go through it in order to heal and move forward.

Being stuck means we need to do something to break free. One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that we remain stuck as long as we try to keep our little habit a secret. Trying to hide our alcoholism rarely works at all, and then only for short periods of time. Eventually the truth comes out, either by our choice or by our actions, but it does rise to the surface, for it must be dealt with.

I thought that by admitting to my addiction, I was showing my weaknesses, and my lack of willpower and lack of discipline. The reality is all humans have weaknesses, and lack in many areas of life, but instead of showing only those facets, I was also showing courage and fearlessness that I didn't recognize at the time. It takes much courage to face our demons, so to speak, but by doing so, we let the demons out of the closet and are able to deal with them. By honestly accepting our condition, we empower ourselves to learn to cope with it, and we build strong bonds with many whom have been down the same road. There is a great degree of humility involved, but it's not the same as the humiliation that is the inevitable result from continuing to drown ourselves with booze.

You've shown tremendous strength and courage today by telling your story here. Continue to share your story, either at AA meetings, counseling, SR, understanding friends and family members, or to whomever you feel may be of some assistance to you during this most difficult time. There's much more power in numbers and you can become unstuck, and open yourself up to a new life that you and your children will be proud of and cherish.

Dean62

Stopping drinking and staying sober are two different things.

Be honest with your doctor and he can help you with withdrawals and stopping. God, your pastor, church and friends can help you stay sober.

IndaMiricale

Sark hi and hello hug

i dont have any great advice , i have been in the race far to long , but am and always have been one of lucky ones .

And what i mean by that is i am alive, and can walk ect.

I am sorry to hear about how you feel for your children , shows your love, but , please dont hate we have to figure out how to help you !!!!, so you can help and lover them


i dont know where you live , but would do anything in my power to help you specially if you live here in the states . hug

you can always find me here in the chat room around 11 est. if not someone there nows me . hug

please take care of you , then those beautiful people will have rainbows

sark

I am so grateful for this board and the undrstanding and compassion.I sometimes feel ashamed of my alchoholisim. When I realized i nedded help it took me ALOT of courage to tell one of my friends. Afterwards I felt so much better. The only thing is that she has never been an alchoholic so I think its very hard for her to understand me somtimes. Coming here and reading and posting does not make me feel so odd.

Anyways I am going to figure this out one way or another.

Peace to you all.

twilli59

Welcome, Sark. The hard reality is that if your alcoholism is like mine, some of the conditions you are placing on your recovery now will disappear as the desperation grows. I felt immediate identification with you. I haven't compliled great sobriety time, but I have changed my life over the last 3-4 years and it began with the idea that I had to address this issue honestly with everyone who mattered. And most of all - I had to ask for help. It was humiliating. But - the responses shocked me and it led to mending of relationships that were damaged, growing closer in relationships that were good, and - losing relationships that needed to go or ones that did not have the capacity to accept me as I am. As long as I was intent on controlling all of the elements of how I would get well, who would be "privileged" enough to know my real condition, nothing worthwhile came into my life. I had to trust in a greater concept than the little plans and schemes my sick and frightened self would concoct. When I surrendered, doors began to open - often just enought to get me through a day - but they did open. It's still a work in progress, but for most of us, just seeing the path - knowing that there really is a path - is enough to keep us moving toward truth. In truth there is love - usually of oursleves first - and that seems to be where the healing and freedom lies. When I stay as honest as I can, things decompress a little.

CarolD

When I began working the aA Steps...I felt a shift from shaky sobreity into solid recovery....

with that in mind....I suggest you do your Steps...if you did them once...please go back to Step 1 and start again...

Welcome back to SR...
Blessings to you and your children

sugarbear1

Welcome! Why not talk with your doctor about withdrawal? It won't last but a few days, the rest is your brain & body getting normal again. Drinking & parenting is not beneficial to you or the children. In aa, you'll find others who've been where you are. You'll meet other parents, too.

It's by working a program that you'll learn about yourself.

My condolences on the loss of your husband. I lost my man January 2008 & was a mess, sober then not until this past May.

You can stay stopped, if you want it!

artsoul

Hi sark -

I'm glad to hear you say that you're "done." I'm sure your children will be glad, too. As a single mom, I know it's not easy and I didn't have to deal with the grief that you're going through. It's imperative that you get healthy so you can deal with life again.

Drinking seems like it makes things better for a few hours, but it's actually making it harder. It makes us anxious, depressed, and unable to think clearly. It will rob your soul if you keep going.

If you can't swing inpatient treatment right now, what about a long weekend? Many rehab centers have a 2-4 day medical detox and there's always doctors and ERs....... Make some phone calls, OK? Where there's a will, there's a way..

We're all behind you!

Dee74

That's one of the barbs of alcoholism that grips us in its teeth and keeps us from getting help.

We've all done shameful things - we understand - but getting help, and getting out of this horrible cycle we've all found ourselves in, is nothing to be ashamed of - it just might be the best thing you ever do for yourself, Sark

D

least

I would suggest you see your doctor (or any doctor or emergency room) for medical help in getting safely and comfortably thru withdrawals. Getting past w/d was always what sent me back to the bottle, so when I quit for good I got help in getting thru the first few days and was soon feeling much better - and staying sober.

Welcome to a very supportive family.

Terminally Unique

Sark,

Many doctors will give you a taper script for outpatient alcohol detox, which you can do at home. This is done routinely in lieu of in-patient detox in some countries, such as Canada. I would, however, recommend letting someone know about it in case you need assistance, and possibly having someone care for the kids for 4-5 days.

sark

I am going to call around for a three to four day detox center. If that does not work then maybe like someone said have the kids cared for for a few days. I can deal with a friend taking them for a few days.

Thier is this bad feeling that i have had. I go from one extreme to another. I am so done with drinking one day and then the next i dont care what the heck happens to me. I scare myself sometimes.

eJoshua

I totally know what you mean. You have to convince yourself that what you are thinking on your good days is that partially sane side of you calling attention to the insanity of your life.

You can do it!

SSIL75

I was going to suggest the same thing.

If you can find someone to care for your kids, great. If not then do it during the week when they are in school. A couple of days of sub-par parenting while you get better has got to be a better deal then every day sub-par parenting by an active alcoholic. That's what I told myself, anyway