Reposting this to see if anyone has any insight...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 8
Reposting this to see if anyone has any insight...
Just married...to a binge alcoholic
Hello...new here. Just googled binge alcoholism bc I'm at a complete loss and here I am. To make a long story short...kinda....I have been with my recently married to husband for a little over two years now and have been dealing with his binge drinking since the beginning. Although, I didn't realize that's what it was in the beginning. I always thought he liked to have a good time on the weekends and then knew how to get it together during the week. Little did I know....
Not long after we had been together (we've known each other for 10 years) we had a baby girl and I thought things would get better. About once a week he would go out and not come back for two to three days. I would be so pregnant and he would be out drinking and not having a care in the world. I feel like I've been begging him to stop for a year and a half and I have gotten so many "I'm sorry's, I'll change, things will be better, I'm never drinking again"....so many excuses I'm sick of it.
Now our baby is almost a year old and nothing has changed except for the fact that we got married. Things were going so good, he hadn't been drinking and I thought this was finally it. Until he talked me into him having a couple celebratory beers while on vacation and then once back home...here we go.
I might even be able to deal with his binge drinking if it wasn't for the way he behaved whenever he drinks (and he doesn't believe he acts this way). He is the meanest person in the world if I say something he doesn't like when he is drinking. He says the most hurtful and hateful things anyone has ever said to me when he drinks. He punches holes in the walls and makes me feel like I'm nothing. When he's sober he says I provoke him and sometimes I think I do. I just can't help not saying anything to him when he's like this, I get so mad!!!!
I just don't know what to do anymore. We've split before for a month and then I went back to the same thing. My family can't stand him and he's definitely driving a wedge between myself and them, he tells me I need to delatch. I don't even know if it's me anymore or if it's him or of it's both of us. And does he really have a problem or is it just me?
His aunt passed away recently and he used that as an excuse to start drinking, but he left me and my daughter at home at 11 at night to go drink with one of his friends. He said he would be right back but he didn't come home until 3am and passed out drunk on the couch. Then, when I left for school he continued to drink and took off before I came home. He then decided to hunt me down at my parent's house and walk right in and yell at my mom and me. He then proceeded to peel out for like 5 minutes in front of their house and leave my mom ugly voicemails. I feel like I'm going crazy!!!! What do I do?
Currently I am staying somewhere else while he is still out drinking...tomorrow we were supposed to go get an interlock device put on his vehicle so that he could finally get his license back.....I'm not thinking this is happening. I want to stay away from him and I want him to get sober but I don't think he wants to fix himself, but I do love him.
Sorry if this was too long....
Hello...new here. Just googled binge alcoholism bc I'm at a complete loss and here I am. To make a long story short...kinda....I have been with my recently married to husband for a little over two years now and have been dealing with his binge drinking since the beginning. Although, I didn't realize that's what it was in the beginning. I always thought he liked to have a good time on the weekends and then knew how to get it together during the week. Little did I know....
Not long after we had been together (we've known each other for 10 years) we had a baby girl and I thought things would get better. About once a week he would go out and not come back for two to three days. I would be so pregnant and he would be out drinking and not having a care in the world. I feel like I've been begging him to stop for a year and a half and I have gotten so many "I'm sorry's, I'll change, things will be better, I'm never drinking again"....so many excuses I'm sick of it.
Now our baby is almost a year old and nothing has changed except for the fact that we got married. Things were going so good, he hadn't been drinking and I thought this was finally it. Until he talked me into him having a couple celebratory beers while on vacation and then once back home...here we go.
I might even be able to deal with his binge drinking if it wasn't for the way he behaved whenever he drinks (and he doesn't believe he acts this way). He is the meanest person in the world if I say something he doesn't like when he is drinking. He says the most hurtful and hateful things anyone has ever said to me when he drinks. He punches holes in the walls and makes me feel like I'm nothing. When he's sober he says I provoke him and sometimes I think I do. I just can't help not saying anything to him when he's like this, I get so mad!!!!
I just don't know what to do anymore. We've split before for a month and then I went back to the same thing. My family can't stand him and he's definitely driving a wedge between myself and them, he tells me I need to delatch. I don't even know if it's me anymore or if it's him or of it's both of us. And does he really have a problem or is it just me?
His aunt passed away recently and he used that as an excuse to start drinking, but he left me and my daughter at home at 11 at night to go drink with one of his friends. He said he would be right back but he didn't come home until 3am and passed out drunk on the couch. Then, when I left for school he continued to drink and took off before I came home. He then decided to hunt me down at my parent's house and walk right in and yell at my mom and me. He then proceeded to peel out for like 5 minutes in front of their house and leave my mom ugly voicemails. I feel like I'm going crazy!!!! What do I do?
Currently I am staying somewhere else while he is still out drinking...tomorrow we were supposed to go get an interlock device put on his vehicle so that he could finally get his license back.....I'm not thinking this is happening. I want to stay away from him and I want him to get sober but I don't think he wants to fix himself, but I do love him.
Sorry if this was too long....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Hi Mchudson- I'm so sorry for what brought you here, but glad you found this site, there is a LOT of info, and many others will be along to share their experiences and insight with you.
Besides the drinking, which will most certainly progress if he continues along this path, I am concerned because there are definite signs of abuse.
He says the most hurtful and hateful things anyone has ever said to me when he drinks. He punches holes in the walls and makes me feel like I'm nothing. When he's sober he says I provoke him and sometimes I think I do. I just can't help not saying anything to him when he's like this, I get so mad!!!!
THIS is abuse. It is emotional abuse, and he obviously has a physically abusive side if he is punching walls.
My family can't stand him and he's definitely driving a wedge between myself and them, he tells me I need to delatch. I don't even know if it's me anymore or if it's him or of it's both of us. And does he really have a problem or is it just me?
THIS is abuse. Abusers will try and cut ties between you and your family and isolate you. That you are questioning not even knowing your own reality is a sign of intense emotional abuse. His manipulations and twisting of words is making you doubt what you KNOW to be true. Abuse, covert passive aggression, and also referred to as gaslighting.
I know you love him, I know you truly do, but he will not quit until he is ready, and this behavior WILL progress and it WILL get worse.
Emotional abuse erodes your self esteem, self worth, it throws people into depression, and they often say that the scars from emotional abuse stay much much longer than those of physical abuse.
His behavior is NOT about you. It is so hard to feel that way because we could never imagine treating someone we love the way that they treat us, but it is his issue, and no amount of love will be able to make him better.
I'm sorry, I know that this is not such uplifting "advice", but I know emotional abuse, and I know it well. Many many here do.
I am SO glad you are somewhere safe tonight and know that you want to stay away until he gets better. Your first priority of course is to your little one. Read here and listen to all of the words of wisdom from others here.
Be safe and well!
Besides the drinking, which will most certainly progress if he continues along this path, I am concerned because there are definite signs of abuse.
He says the most hurtful and hateful things anyone has ever said to me when he drinks. He punches holes in the walls and makes me feel like I'm nothing. When he's sober he says I provoke him and sometimes I think I do. I just can't help not saying anything to him when he's like this, I get so mad!!!!
THIS is abuse. It is emotional abuse, and he obviously has a physically abusive side if he is punching walls.
My family can't stand him and he's definitely driving a wedge between myself and them, he tells me I need to delatch. I don't even know if it's me anymore or if it's him or of it's both of us. And does he really have a problem or is it just me?
THIS is abuse. Abusers will try and cut ties between you and your family and isolate you. That you are questioning not even knowing your own reality is a sign of intense emotional abuse. His manipulations and twisting of words is making you doubt what you KNOW to be true. Abuse, covert passive aggression, and also referred to as gaslighting.
I know you love him, I know you truly do, but he will not quit until he is ready, and this behavior WILL progress and it WILL get worse.
Emotional abuse erodes your self esteem, self worth, it throws people into depression, and they often say that the scars from emotional abuse stay much much longer than those of physical abuse.
His behavior is NOT about you. It is so hard to feel that way because we could never imagine treating someone we love the way that they treat us, but it is his issue, and no amount of love will be able to make him better.
I'm sorry, I know that this is not such uplifting "advice", but I know emotional abuse, and I know it well. Many many here do.
I am SO glad you are somewhere safe tonight and know that you want to stay away until he gets better. Your first priority of course is to your little one. Read here and listen to all of the words of wisdom from others here.
Be safe and well!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 290
First of all WELCOME 
I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Many of us have been (or are) in similar situations and can relate. So, know that you are not alone.
I'm not sure if you've heard of the three c's yet
you didn't CAUSE it
you can't CURE it
and you can't CONTROL it
Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to make him quit drinking, if he doesn't want sobriety himself.
For me it took a while before I truly realized that I couldn't cure or control my husbands alcoholism. I tried and I tried, I begged, I pleaded, I yelled, I tried to control and in the process of it drove myself absolutely insane. I finally left him after we had been married for only a little over a year, because I realized that his alcoholism was not only destroying him and our marriage but also ME. I'm not saying you should leave him, as I don't think anyone but you has the right to make that decision, but I hope that you will use this forum to learn as much as possible about the family dynamics as they relate to alcoholism.
Please also read the posts on boundaries (I think they are in the stickies section). What stood out to me when reading your post was this:
"He says the most hurtful and hateful things anyone has ever said to me when he drinks. He punches holes in the walls and makes me feel like I'm nothing."
That behavior is not ok, abusive and pretty scary. Just like you, I used to think, that I could live with my husband's drinking if it wasn't for the way he behaved whenever he was under the influence. When I first came to SR, I realized that I didn't have good boundaries in place. As a result the interactions between my husband and I were constantly escalating. It actually ended up escalating so much so that I had to call the police on him. So, take it from me - YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED BADLY BY ANYONE (least of all the people that claim to love you)!!!! So please take good care of yourself and your baby!!!! Seek support from friends, counselors, AlAnon, ... etc.
I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Many of us have been (or are) in similar situations and can relate. So, know that you are not alone.
I'm not sure if you've heard of the three c's yet
you didn't CAUSE it
you can't CURE it
and you can't CONTROL it
Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to make him quit drinking, if he doesn't want sobriety himself.
For me it took a while before I truly realized that I couldn't cure or control my husbands alcoholism. I tried and I tried, I begged, I pleaded, I yelled, I tried to control and in the process of it drove myself absolutely insane. I finally left him after we had been married for only a little over a year, because I realized that his alcoholism was not only destroying him and our marriage but also ME. I'm not saying you should leave him, as I don't think anyone but you has the right to make that decision, but I hope that you will use this forum to learn as much as possible about the family dynamics as they relate to alcoholism.
Please also read the posts on boundaries (I think they are in the stickies section). What stood out to me when reading your post was this:
"He says the most hurtful and hateful things anyone has ever said to me when he drinks. He punches holes in the walls and makes me feel like I'm nothing."
That behavior is not ok, abusive and pretty scary. Just like you, I used to think, that I could live with my husband's drinking if it wasn't for the way he behaved whenever he was under the influence. When I first came to SR, I realized that I didn't have good boundaries in place. As a result the interactions between my husband and I were constantly escalating. It actually ended up escalating so much so that I had to call the police on him. So, take it from me - YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED BADLY BY ANYONE (least of all the people that claim to love you)!!!! So please take good care of yourself and your baby!!!! Seek support from friends, counselors, AlAnon, ... etc.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
wow, I am so sorry for what you are living. I am going to be direct ,
1. You have an infant in your home, and her dad is out of control. He is punching holes in the walls, WTH? He is verbally abusive today. Eventually that wall is going to be you. . You have an obligation to your child to give her a safe and secure enviorment.
2. He disappears for days???? Really, wow.
3. You cannot control his drinking, nothing you can say will change him. Loving him will not cure him. Wherever you are staying now, I would suggest extending your stay, keep you and your baby safe.
4. An active alcoholic will find any excuse to go on a binge, a funeral is as good as an excuse as any.
5.Please take the time to read the stickys at the top of the forum, educate yourself regarding alcoholism. We are powerless over this disease. This disease is progressive it is only going to get worse.
6. Please protect you and the baby. Let him own his disease. Hugs to you and the baby. Keep posting, we are here, you are not alone.
1. You have an infant in your home, and her dad is out of control. He is punching holes in the walls, WTH? He is verbally abusive today. Eventually that wall is going to be you. . You have an obligation to your child to give her a safe and secure enviorment.
2. He disappears for days???? Really, wow.
3. You cannot control his drinking, nothing you can say will change him. Loving him will not cure him. Wherever you are staying now, I would suggest extending your stay, keep you and your baby safe.
4. An active alcoholic will find any excuse to go on a binge, a funeral is as good as an excuse as any.
5.Please take the time to read the stickys at the top of the forum, educate yourself regarding alcoholism. We are powerless over this disease. This disease is progressive it is only going to get worse.
6. Please protect you and the baby. Let him own his disease. Hugs to you and the baby. Keep posting, we are here, you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 437
I am an alcholic and I am saying LEAVE. RUN. He has years and years left of drinking in him. Until some really bad things start happening, like he loses his wife and child, his job, add some jail time to that. And THEN maybe if he is then one of the very few who end up staying sober, until then, as long as he still has not suffered any severe consequences, he will keep drinking. Do NOT fall for his remorseful pleadings, I have said them a million times, and yet, I continue to drink...You really need to leave
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Welcome to SR, Mchudson. I am truly sorry for what you and your baby are going through.
Please take the time to read through the following sticky topics; I think they will help...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
Please take the time to read through the following sticky topics; I think they will help...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi mchudson, and Welcome!
Sorry for what brings you here, but you have found a great place!!! You'll receive lots of support, shared experience, strength, and hope in this place.
Take the time to read around the threads when you can. Educate yourself all you can about alcoholism. Please know, especially, that you don't have to live like this.....you do not deserve to be abused.
Again, welcome.....
HG
Sorry for what brings you here, but you have found a great place!!! You'll receive lots of support, shared experience, strength, and hope in this place.
Take the time to read around the threads when you can. Educate yourself all you can about alcoholism. Please know, especially, that you don't have to live like this.....you do not deserve to be abused.
Again, welcome.....
HG
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome,
The others have given you good advice. No child deserves to be raised in a toxic enviorment, they will carry their childhood into their adult life. It is enough that your child has now inherited the gene which predisposes her to addiction, why subject her to abuse?
Leaving for days at time is a red flag for me, are you sure that he is not doing crack or meth too? His violent behavior is another issue all together, it might be magnified by drinking, however, an abuser is an abuser whether they drink or not.
I would keep your child safe, she needs to be your priorty. Read all the stickeys at the top of this and the Family & Friends of Addiction forum, there is a wealth of information there.
Keep posting, we are here for you.
The others have given you good advice. No child deserves to be raised in a toxic enviorment, they will carry their childhood into their adult life. It is enough that your child has now inherited the gene which predisposes her to addiction, why subject her to abuse?
Leaving for days at time is a red flag for me, are you sure that he is not doing crack or meth too? His violent behavior is another issue all together, it might be magnified by drinking, however, an abuser is an abuser whether they drink or not.
I would keep your child safe, she needs to be your priorty. Read all the stickeys at the top of this and the Family & Friends of Addiction forum, there is a wealth of information there.
Keep posting, we are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Saltburn UK
Posts: 278
You have tried to bring him to his senses-but it's out of your control.It doesn't make sense does it, why on earth would someone behave like that with a baby in the house also?
He may not change until things get worse, but you can change -now, wishing you well.
He may not change until things get worse, but you can change -now, wishing you well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 37
I'm so sorry that you have found your way here 
I am relatively new here as well and sometimes struggle with the question of whether I belong here...but I am becoming more and more aware that I do ...unfortunately...I know how scared you are...I feel the same way 
I am relatively new here as well and sometimes struggle with the question of whether I belong here...but I am becoming more and more aware that I do ...unfortunately...I know how scared you are...I feel the same way Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 8
Thank you everyone for all of your support and well wishes. Currently staying with family and trying to figure out where to go from here. Just reading the many similar stories on here makes me realize that what I am going through is real, and unlike what he tells me I'm not the one that causes all of this.
I pray for him to get better but until then I have decided I can't continue my life like this anymore, especially with my baby girl. I just hope I have the strength to not go back and be able to stay strong for my baby.
Again, thank you everyone for your thoughts and well wishes, it really has helped.
I pray for him to get better but until then I have decided I can't continue my life like this anymore, especially with my baby girl. I just hope I have the strength to not go back and be able to stay strong for my baby.
Again, thank you everyone for your thoughts and well wishes, it really has helped.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
Why is he driving and spinning his wheels in front of your house? I assumed he didn't have a license if you are getting a interlock device installed?? The situation seems dangerous. Binge type alcoholics often times get into as much trouble as everyday boozing alcoholics.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Big hugs to you. I have been where you are. I waited 20 years and three children before I left.
Kitty is right: What he's doing is emotional abuse. It's insidious, because... when you're being physically abused, there's no doubt you're being physically abused. When someone beats you, you know it. You can't deny it. Emotional abuse leaves you wondering if it's really happening or if it's all in your head. Makes you say things like "I think I'm going crazy" or "maybe I provoked him"...
You're among friends, and safe, here. Keep reading. Keep talking. There'll be someone (often many people) who can relate to everything you say. Alcoholics feel like they're unique and special individuals, but this damn disease sometimes makes you think alcoholics come out of a manufacturing plant in Hong Kong where they're all made from the same pattern.
And because this was the hardest thing for me to believe, and wrap my head around, I'll just say this: You are not responsible for this man, no matter how much you love him. You're not responsible for his choices, his feelings, his actions. You are, however, responsible for your own, and you're responsible for the safety -- physical and emotional -- of your baby girl.
My three children have all been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. The same sh*t that soldiers come back from war zones with. That's from living their entire lives with an alcoholic father. It's a b*tch to deal with, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Well, actually, maybe I would. But on nobody else.
I want to say "RUN!" too. But instead, I'll say: Trust yourself. Trust that your instinct to keep yourself and baby girl safe is rational. Trust your family when they're worried about you. They have reason to be.
Kitty is right: What he's doing is emotional abuse. It's insidious, because... when you're being physically abused, there's no doubt you're being physically abused. When someone beats you, you know it. You can't deny it. Emotional abuse leaves you wondering if it's really happening or if it's all in your head. Makes you say things like "I think I'm going crazy" or "maybe I provoked him"...
You're among friends, and safe, here. Keep reading. Keep talking. There'll be someone (often many people) who can relate to everything you say. Alcoholics feel like they're unique and special individuals, but this damn disease sometimes makes you think alcoholics come out of a manufacturing plant in Hong Kong where they're all made from the same pattern.
And because this was the hardest thing for me to believe, and wrap my head around, I'll just say this: You are not responsible for this man, no matter how much you love him. You're not responsible for his choices, his feelings, his actions. You are, however, responsible for your own, and you're responsible for the safety -- physical and emotional -- of your baby girl.
My three children have all been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. The same sh*t that soldiers come back from war zones with. That's from living their entire lives with an alcoholic father. It's a b*tch to deal with, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Well, actually, maybe I would. But on nobody else.
I want to say "RUN!" too. But instead, I'll say: Trust yourself. Trust that your instinct to keep yourself and baby girl safe is rational. Trust your family when they're worried about you. They have reason to be.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 110
I HATE binge drinking, or "functioning" alcoholics. It just covers the issue up ...
For me..it was what the reaction was, when I tried to point out how hurtful things were (things said) when he was drunk. Every weekend. It became like clockwork.
"but I WORK HARD, why shouldn't I have a couple of beers when I come home??"
Yeah..a couple during the week, was just to keep off the demons until the weekend when it was party time.
For me..it was what the reaction was, when I tried to point out how hurtful things were (things said) when he was drunk. Every weekend. It became like clockwork.
"but I WORK HARD, why shouldn't I have a couple of beers when I come home??"
Yeah..a couple during the week, was just to keep off the demons until the weekend when it was party time.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Welcome McHudson...I am impressed with you. You are taking care of yourself and your baby girl...the things you can control.
What your husband does or does not do is completely out of your control.
Keep reading and posting, it keeps me strong and focussed, and I hope it will do the same for you.
You and your daughter deserve a home free of pain and abuse and addiction. You can do that for her.
Hugs
What your husband does or does not do is completely out of your control.
Keep reading and posting, it keeps me strong and focussed, and I hope it will do the same for you.
You and your daughter deserve a home free of pain and abuse and addiction. You can do that for her.
Hugs
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Hello and Welcome to SR.
I’m glad your search brought you here, although I am sorry of the reasoning as to why you are here.
Your post gave me goose bumps because it is so similar to what my situation was like. I dated my husband for nine years, and then decided to get married. We will be coming onto our two year anniversary on October 9th. My husband struggled all along with drinking, but I was too naive to know what the signs were. My husband started as a social drinker, then progressed to weekend partier (aka binger at times), then to functioning alcoholic during the week but binger on the weekend, and then to non-functioning alcoholic. His downward spiral really unleashed after we had gotten married. Throughout his progression I walked on egg shells. I listened to his lies, and abuse; he verbally abused me, but on a few occasions was physical. I cried all the time. I felt so alone. I made threats of leaving that I never stayed away for long, and I just flat out participated in the alcoholism dance with him. I clung so tight to the dream of our future and the belief that he would change for me, for him, for us. I believed all those broken promises. I had completely lost sight of myself along the way. I no longer knew who I was, or even how to be happy.
One day I snapped, and began to detach emotionally before I even knew what that was. I read up on alcoholism. Then discovered this site, where I heard about codependency. I researched that, and I found out I was a typical codie. It felt good to know that there was actually a name for the way I was feeling and that I wasn’t crazy. My husband had to be the one to say that his suicide attempt was his bottom, and he has to be the one to continue to abstain from the alcohol. No matter how many times I had begged in the past, screamed, cried, or wished it did no good. I did not cause it. I cannot control it. I cannot cure it.
You have as little control over your A as I have over my A. I’m glad you have decided to detach from such a toxic situation. A lot of people will suggest a no contact relationship from the person you are trying to detach from, because that allows you to be able to focus on you and your child without the constant distraction of something that is outside your control. For me education and support were my saviors. I researched and am still researching alcoholism and codependency.
Keep up the good work, and keep posting here.
I’m glad your search brought you here, although I am sorry of the reasoning as to why you are here.
Your post gave me goose bumps because it is so similar to what my situation was like. I dated my husband for nine years, and then decided to get married. We will be coming onto our two year anniversary on October 9th. My husband struggled all along with drinking, but I was too naive to know what the signs were. My husband started as a social drinker, then progressed to weekend partier (aka binger at times), then to functioning alcoholic during the week but binger on the weekend, and then to non-functioning alcoholic. His downward spiral really unleashed after we had gotten married. Throughout his progression I walked on egg shells. I listened to his lies, and abuse; he verbally abused me, but on a few occasions was physical. I cried all the time. I felt so alone. I made threats of leaving that I never stayed away for long, and I just flat out participated in the alcoholism dance with him. I clung so tight to the dream of our future and the belief that he would change for me, for him, for us. I believed all those broken promises. I had completely lost sight of myself along the way. I no longer knew who I was, or even how to be happy.
One day I snapped, and began to detach emotionally before I even knew what that was. I read up on alcoholism. Then discovered this site, where I heard about codependency. I researched that, and I found out I was a typical codie. It felt good to know that there was actually a name for the way I was feeling and that I wasn’t crazy. My husband had to be the one to say that his suicide attempt was his bottom, and he has to be the one to continue to abstain from the alcohol. No matter how many times I had begged in the past, screamed, cried, or wished it did no good. I did not cause it. I cannot control it. I cannot cure it.
You have as little control over your A as I have over my A. I’m glad you have decided to detach from such a toxic situation. A lot of people will suggest a no contact relationship from the person you are trying to detach from, because that allows you to be able to focus on you and your child without the constant distraction of something that is outside your control. For me education and support were my saviors. I researched and am still researching alcoholism and codependency.
Keep up the good work, and keep posting here.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
There is no such thing as a "functioning alcoholic". It is an oxymoron. I suppose some may mean that they have a job and drink like an alcoholic?? Alcohol can destroy someones life in many different ways.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I like how some have described functioning alcoholic as a stage that some people experience.
I too lived with a binge drinker and for me that was the hardest part. Because it did not happen all the time, because he held a job etc I could not trust myself with my own perceptions that it was a problem.
I am sorry there are others experiencing this, but I am grateful that you are sharing it...I don't feel so alone.
I too lived with a binge drinker and for me that was the hardest part. Because it did not happen all the time, because he held a job etc I could not trust myself with my own perceptions that it was a problem.
I am sorry there are others experiencing this, but I am grateful that you are sharing it...I don't feel so alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by lillamy 
Trust your family when they're worried about you. They have reason to be.
After going to pick up some stuff yesterday from our apt. when he wasn't there, he showed up. Drunk and driving and with no shoes....ugh. It's so sad to see. I wish he could see it too. Anyway, he sat in my car and refused to get out unless I left the baby with him, that wasn't going to happen. Then he started pulling his fist back, threatening me. I drove to his mom's which is right around the corner and she said she would stay with him while the baby was there. I hate how controlling As can be.
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