domestic violence
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: boca raton, florida
Posts: 12
domestic violence
And another long one!
First I appreciate those who responded to my previous post. Went back to alanon the other night...staring at the tent cards placed inside the circle it hit me how far removed I have been from the tools that are always available for "me". I had this strange urge to scoop the tent cards up off the floor, tie them together like the cans behind the "just married" couple, and drag them around with me until they stick! But again this is hoping a few days of looking like a fool with these oversized tent cards trailing behind me would be the silver bullet and force me to practice them, rather then go the hard yards, memorize them and consciously "apply" them to my everyday life. Never-the-less, I drove home with a pint size version of tranquility and got the first good night's sleep in a week.
Then last night I get an email from the A's family, whom I asked never contact me again, with yet another request for me to extend the gnawed off hand of friendship. You see, in my previous mini-novel I left out the domestic violence incident... I’m good at stuffing the real painful memories, thereby even in my cries for help w/ my own pain, defending the terd. The mini-version goes: I dropped him off at detox after he had picked up due to the stress of an upcoming court hearing. Upon admitting him I asked them to consider whether or not he was bipolar. They then place him on medication (I forget what it was but it differed from any other he was on in previous detox) that comes w/ a warning not to give to patients suspected or with a history of bipolar. When I went to visit he was unlike his “normal” down in the dumps, detoxing, tired and remorseful self. Instead he was paranoid, combative, agitated, anxious and just plain scary. A few days pass and I pick him up, we drive to the drug store to fill a script... And he sends me next door to get lunch. *Apparently* he sneaks into the attached liquor store and downs a bottle in the interim. I was floored when I figured it out. We go to court in the morning where he gets his license revoked for life, sentenced to a rehab, then sleeping at a half way house for an additional 6 months. And while he deserved to lose his license, while it was better then doing a year in jail, I understood how he no longer felt like a man.
We return home, where he now drinks for 3 days in succession and becomes verbally abusive to me. When I snap and tell him that’s it, I’m driving him to the rehab and I begin packing his clothes (alright throwing them into the suitcase in a rage) he physically attacks me. He claims he was only trying to scare me! I’d say he did a good job! I get away and run to the neighbors, knowing he was only on probation 24 hours I ask her not to call the police. She finally concedes and gives me an hour to get him to go. He cries and refuses to leave. His family calls a cab for him, he refuses to go. So my neighbor, and good friend does what any good friend would do ... She calls the police. I beg them to take him to the rehab, they say they aren’t a taxi service. They take pictures of the hand print on my neck and take him away.
Three hours later I call his lawyer... What can I do I ask. He tells me to show up at the hearing the next day and say I don’t fear for my life, no restraining order necessary and I do. He told me I could write a letter to the courts and tell them it was a combo of meds he shouldn’t have been on and the liquor (he shouldn’t have drank), and explain the desperation and hopelessness of the disease as I had just described to him. I write it, explaining he’s not a repeat offender to me but a man who so badly wants to beat this disease. They cut a deal that as long as he fulfills his obligation to the other county they will dismiss. But at the end of the day he still violated probation with the first court, as he was arrested and was intoxicated (no liquor is part of his deal). A warrant is filed. So again he drinks (this last time) because of the upcoming in-court surrender and is now out-of-state w/ family with the open warrant here.
So now, it seems his lawyer can’t produce a copy of this letter. The A can’t produce his copy. And I guess they don’t want to ask the other county for a copy of it and tip them off that he in fact is not being fulfilling these obligations. So they email me. Could I please email a copy of the letter I should have never written to begin with (because there is no “excuse”) to help his defense? Let’s not forget to mention that I showed it to him (as not to get reamed later) and he edited it down, taking out any reference to the human side of addiction I was hoping to appeal to the courts with, i.e. suicide attempts, the reference to why I think he’s bi-polar as he hates the very idea even in light of the solution it may present if true, the words when “I” admitted him the last time because he wants it to read he admitted himself even though it removes my own first hand knowledge of his plight, as the “victim” the courts view me as asking for leniency, he views it as a pride issue and me trying to take “credit!” So this is his twice edited version they’re requesting, not even my own words.
So here I am with my dilemma. We haven’t spoken in 6 weeks since he came literally crashing into my life when I was moving on, begs me for my help, I give it to him and he returns to berating me for the past. And when I retort with a handful of reality, he claims to be victimized (by way of verbal abuse, hah!!!) by me, and goes back to yapping I’m part of his problem. He tells me he doesn’t “like” me and he will handle his own affairs. So, I ask your advice. Should I, arch enemy number one, send the letter off to his family? The letter I know I should have never written? What happened to handling his “own” affairs? Should I help his family in the enabling process protect a man who can’t take responsibility for his actions? Should a be a good doormat for a guy who is obviously not working the steps of “his” program, but instead still caught up in his “exceptionalism” delegating duties to others in his plight to circumvent the outcome of his actions? How do the principles of alanon apply here to my response and my recovery?
First I appreciate those who responded to my previous post. Went back to alanon the other night...staring at the tent cards placed inside the circle it hit me how far removed I have been from the tools that are always available for "me". I had this strange urge to scoop the tent cards up off the floor, tie them together like the cans behind the "just married" couple, and drag them around with me until they stick! But again this is hoping a few days of looking like a fool with these oversized tent cards trailing behind me would be the silver bullet and force me to practice them, rather then go the hard yards, memorize them and consciously "apply" them to my everyday life. Never-the-less, I drove home with a pint size version of tranquility and got the first good night's sleep in a week.
Then last night I get an email from the A's family, whom I asked never contact me again, with yet another request for me to extend the gnawed off hand of friendship. You see, in my previous mini-novel I left out the domestic violence incident... I’m good at stuffing the real painful memories, thereby even in my cries for help w/ my own pain, defending the terd. The mini-version goes: I dropped him off at detox after he had picked up due to the stress of an upcoming court hearing. Upon admitting him I asked them to consider whether or not he was bipolar. They then place him on medication (I forget what it was but it differed from any other he was on in previous detox) that comes w/ a warning not to give to patients suspected or with a history of bipolar. When I went to visit he was unlike his “normal” down in the dumps, detoxing, tired and remorseful self. Instead he was paranoid, combative, agitated, anxious and just plain scary. A few days pass and I pick him up, we drive to the drug store to fill a script... And he sends me next door to get lunch. *Apparently* he sneaks into the attached liquor store and downs a bottle in the interim. I was floored when I figured it out. We go to court in the morning where he gets his license revoked for life, sentenced to a rehab, then sleeping at a half way house for an additional 6 months. And while he deserved to lose his license, while it was better then doing a year in jail, I understood how he no longer felt like a man.
We return home, where he now drinks for 3 days in succession and becomes verbally abusive to me. When I snap and tell him that’s it, I’m driving him to the rehab and I begin packing his clothes (alright throwing them into the suitcase in a rage) he physically attacks me. He claims he was only trying to scare me! I’d say he did a good job! I get away and run to the neighbors, knowing he was only on probation 24 hours I ask her not to call the police. She finally concedes and gives me an hour to get him to go. He cries and refuses to leave. His family calls a cab for him, he refuses to go. So my neighbor, and good friend does what any good friend would do ... She calls the police. I beg them to take him to the rehab, they say they aren’t a taxi service. They take pictures of the hand print on my neck and take him away.
Three hours later I call his lawyer... What can I do I ask. He tells me to show up at the hearing the next day and say I don’t fear for my life, no restraining order necessary and I do. He told me I could write a letter to the courts and tell them it was a combo of meds he shouldn’t have been on and the liquor (he shouldn’t have drank), and explain the desperation and hopelessness of the disease as I had just described to him. I write it, explaining he’s not a repeat offender to me but a man who so badly wants to beat this disease. They cut a deal that as long as he fulfills his obligation to the other county they will dismiss. But at the end of the day he still violated probation with the first court, as he was arrested and was intoxicated (no liquor is part of his deal). A warrant is filed. So again he drinks (this last time) because of the upcoming in-court surrender and is now out-of-state w/ family with the open warrant here.
So now, it seems his lawyer can’t produce a copy of this letter. The A can’t produce his copy. And I guess they don’t want to ask the other county for a copy of it and tip them off that he in fact is not being fulfilling these obligations. So they email me. Could I please email a copy of the letter I should have never written to begin with (because there is no “excuse”) to help his defense? Let’s not forget to mention that I showed it to him (as not to get reamed later) and he edited it down, taking out any reference to the human side of addiction I was hoping to appeal to the courts with, i.e. suicide attempts, the reference to why I think he’s bi-polar as he hates the very idea even in light of the solution it may present if true, the words when “I” admitted him the last time because he wants it to read he admitted himself even though it removes my own first hand knowledge of his plight, as the “victim” the courts view me as asking for leniency, he views it as a pride issue and me trying to take “credit!” So this is his twice edited version they’re requesting, not even my own words.
So here I am with my dilemma. We haven’t spoken in 6 weeks since he came literally crashing into my life when I was moving on, begs me for my help, I give it to him and he returns to berating me for the past. And when I retort with a handful of reality, he claims to be victimized (by way of verbal abuse, hah!!!) by me, and goes back to yapping I’m part of his problem. He tells me he doesn’t “like” me and he will handle his own affairs. So, I ask your advice. Should I, arch enemy number one, send the letter off to his family? The letter I know I should have never written? What happened to handling his “own” affairs? Should I help his family in the enabling process protect a man who can’t take responsibility for his actions? Should a be a good doormat for a guy who is obviously not working the steps of “his” program, but instead still caught up in his “exceptionalism” delegating duties to others in his plight to circumvent the outcome of his actions? How do the principles of alanon apply here to my response and my recovery?
Gift Of Encouragement
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Brighton MI.
Posts: 68
Florida,you know what to do,but I will tell you what I would do change my email adress cut my losses and move on some where there is a man that will love you for you and not be a constant drain on you that you can build your dreams with how long we live with the hope when really its wishfull thinking in time lots of it he may come around and redevelop into the man he was or could have been Im sorry about this loss But if you take care of yourself you can only move up from here.............
(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) Steve
(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) Steve
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: boca raton, florida
Posts: 12
Steve, thanks for the reply. Your solution is not without merit, just not practical. I won my own business (10 years come 2004!) and I can not change my email (company website url) or phone (yellow page listing) as it would surely mean a financial loss to me and be a very unprofessional, not to mention embarrassing solution.
Responsible Girl
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Toledo, OH
Posts: 32
Are they asking for an exact copy of the first letter? If so, I would ignore their requests. The letter the courts first received was only half-true... He had too much of an influence on it, and at the time, that was OK. Now things have changed, I assume, and with the changing times, I would suggest writing a new letter, complete with all the things you deemed important to include that he didn't before, and if they use it, great, your word is heard. If not, fine, it's their fault for losing the first one. You've complied to their wishes, but under your terms, and you can let go of the guilt. Whether or not they decide to use it is their decision; but they can't keep asking you to sacrifice yourself and your energy just to keep him out of trouble that he himself caused.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: boca raton, florida
Posts: 12
Mindy,
An interesting view. But no, his sister-in-law (brother doesn't deal but allows the wife too to feel better about not dealing), is requesting the final version the A dictated me to edit over and over, then sign. Interestingly enough she asked that I email it. And since we all know that although theses 2 counties (which border each other) have no clue what the other hand is doing, perhaps I should tell her that since she's asking for an email (no signature version) and since they weren't my words in the end anyway... that he (or she, since he doesn't do much for himself) simply write a new one and fraudulently present it as my view again
An interesting view. But no, his sister-in-law (brother doesn't deal but allows the wife too to feel better about not dealing), is requesting the final version the A dictated me to edit over and over, then sign. Interestingly enough she asked that I email it. And since we all know that although theses 2 counties (which border each other) have no clue what the other hand is doing, perhaps I should tell her that since she's asking for an email (no signature version) and since they weren't my words in the end anyway... that he (or she, since he doesn't do much for himself) simply write a new one and fraudulently present it as my view again
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
My ex was probably schizophrenic along with being a totally selfish,self-centered ABUSER.
Today, if his family contacted me in anyway to help him or help them get him in the hospital, I wouldn't.
The reason I wouldn't is because I'd get crapped on again.
It;s their problem, let them deal with it.
Ngaire
Today, if his family contacted me in anyway to help him or help them get him in the hospital, I wouldn't.
The reason I wouldn't is because I'd get crapped on again.
It;s their problem, let them deal with it.
Ngaire
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
florida,
Please consider yourself hugged...
you asked for help in applying the principals of Al-Anon;
Quote from Paths to Recovery, P 123
"As I worked the Steps, I came to recognize the common principles of honesty, commpassion, love, trust, humility, willingness, forgiveness and freedom...'
You will notice the first one is honesty....We who have lied to cover up for, take care of, to fix the alcoholic, to protect ourself, to play peace at any price, most often get caught in such a tangled web of "white lies" that soon it is reallly hard to find or remember the truth....
Here is an acronym for "Think" that helps me in making dicisions....
T - Is it Thoughtful?
H - Is it Honest?
I - Is it intelligent?
N - Is it Nessary?
K - Is it Kind?
Only you can anwser the question as to what action you need to take in your situation..I can only tell you what works for me...This is how I view the whole situation...#. 1 the first letter was not honest, #2 It wasn't kind to you #3. Why is it your responsiblly to send it in the first place #4 If called on in court are you willing to stand behind the first letter....#5 IF you do write another letter that is going to the courts, I believe I'd have it in my own handing writing, and maybe even noterized...
Once I start covering up for anyone (even myself) for whatever the reason, I have started a web that I can't keep straight and just gets more tangled....
No matter what you decide to do---you asked the question, this is my anwser to the best of my abilitly to anwser...Where physical abuse is /was present; you may need to be reminded that it only esculates.
Take care....
Please consider yourself hugged...
you asked for help in applying the principals of Al-Anon;
Quote from Paths to Recovery, P 123
"As I worked the Steps, I came to recognize the common principles of honesty, commpassion, love, trust, humility, willingness, forgiveness and freedom...'
You will notice the first one is honesty....We who have lied to cover up for, take care of, to fix the alcoholic, to protect ourself, to play peace at any price, most often get caught in such a tangled web of "white lies" that soon it is reallly hard to find or remember the truth....
Here is an acronym for "Think" that helps me in making dicisions....
T - Is it Thoughtful?
H - Is it Honest?
I - Is it intelligent?
N - Is it Nessary?
K - Is it Kind?
Only you can anwser the question as to what action you need to take in your situation..I can only tell you what works for me...This is how I view the whole situation...#. 1 the first letter was not honest, #2 It wasn't kind to you #3. Why is it your responsiblly to send it in the first place #4 If called on in court are you willing to stand behind the first letter....#5 IF you do write another letter that is going to the courts, I believe I'd have it in my own handing writing, and maybe even noterized...
Once I start covering up for anyone (even myself) for whatever the reason, I have started a web that I can't keep straight and just gets more tangled....
No matter what you decide to do---you asked the question, this is my anwser to the best of my abilitly to anwser...Where physical abuse is /was present; you may need to be reminded that it only esculates.
Take care....
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
Florida, In your final paragraph it appears you have already answered your own question. As I am reminded many times, the A is NEVER going to give me permission to move on, heal, recover, make a new healthy life. A is always going to resent what I won't do for him. Tough %^&* is my response.
On the email note. I have been in similar situation. Finally got real with myself and when the email came, and I knew it was from him, I deleted it without reading. The more I let myself stay involved the more tired, run-down, and dirty I felt. There is nothing that says I have to read every piece of mail that comes to me, especially if I know it is junk!
Peace,
Petunia
On the email note. I have been in similar situation. Finally got real with myself and when the email came, and I knew it was from him, I deleted it without reading. The more I let myself stay involved the more tired, run-down, and dirty I felt. There is nothing that says I have to read every piece of mail that comes to me, especially if I know it is junk!
Peace,
Petunia
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 36
"How do the principles of alanon apply here to my response and my recovery?"
How about detachment? I know it can be a hard thing to do, but here is something from "The Language of Letting Go"
Detaching with Love
Sometimes people we love do things we don't like or approve of. We react. They react. Before long, we're all reacting to each other, and the problem escalates.
When do we detach? When we're hooked into a reaction of anger, fear, guilt, or shame. When we get hooked into a power play - an attempt to control or force others to do something they don't want to do. When the way we're reacting isn't helping the other person or solving the problem. When the way we're reacting is hurting us.
Often, it's time to detach when detachment appears to be the least likely, or possible, thing to do.
The first step toward detachment is understanding that reacting and controlling don't help. The next step is getting peaceful - getting centered and restoring our balance.
Take a walk. Leave the room. Go to a meeting. Take a long, hot bath. Call a friend. Call on God. Breathe deeply. Find peace. From that place of peace and centering will emerge an answer, a solution.
Today, I will surrender and trust that the answer is near.
I hope that helps. Begin to take care of you and let him and his family take care of themselves. This is not your business any longer. You've made a boundary of asking his family not to contact you anymore. Stick to it! I know you can do it! Ignore their e-mails if you can't change the address and delete them. Just think of all that serenity waiting to be had when you detach.
How about detachment? I know it can be a hard thing to do, but here is something from "The Language of Letting Go"
Detaching with Love
Sometimes people we love do things we don't like or approve of. We react. They react. Before long, we're all reacting to each other, and the problem escalates.
When do we detach? When we're hooked into a reaction of anger, fear, guilt, or shame. When we get hooked into a power play - an attempt to control or force others to do something they don't want to do. When the way we're reacting isn't helping the other person or solving the problem. When the way we're reacting is hurting us.
Often, it's time to detach when detachment appears to be the least likely, or possible, thing to do.
The first step toward detachment is understanding that reacting and controlling don't help. The next step is getting peaceful - getting centered and restoring our balance.
Take a walk. Leave the room. Go to a meeting. Take a long, hot bath. Call a friend. Call on God. Breathe deeply. Find peace. From that place of peace and centering will emerge an answer, a solution.
Today, I will surrender and trust that the answer is near.
I hope that helps. Begin to take care of you and let him and his family take care of themselves. This is not your business any longer. You've made a boundary of asking his family not to contact you anymore. Stick to it! I know you can do it! Ignore their e-mails if you can't change the address and delete them. Just think of all that serenity waiting to be had when you detach.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: boca raton, florida
Posts: 12
Daffodil and Victoria, thank you for the reference to Alanon principles and how they relate to this. I especially liked the THINK, great exercise for me and here goes!
T - Is it Thoughtful?
No, because I wouldn't be really "helping" the A by continuing to help him circumvent the results of his actions. While I do believe the drugs the detox gave him made him extremely agitated (in 5 years he has never been violent or laid a hand on me), it was the combination of these drugs and the alcohol he chose to consume 5 minutes after leaving the detox. And for that, there is simply no excuse, as there NEVER is when it comes to domestic violence.
H - Is it Honest?
No. The version they request is his edited version. While I chose to appeal to the court from the tragedy that is the life of the addict and their loved ones, the struggles with depression, suicide, and hope that can't be found on any police report... he had me strip any "embarrassing content" from it. I focused on my belief he was bi-polar, that I told the detox center this but still they prescribed a drug that conflicts with bi-polar patients... and that he was now in a dual-diagnosis facility where he might "finally" get the help he needs, after being misdiagnosed for years (many people w/ bi-polar are not properly diagnosed and drink to self medicate). And while the A has all but one of the laundry list of bi-polar symptoms, he only went along with this angle (after making me take out the word "high" from the highs and lows I've witnessed) for the courts. To this day the word bi-polar infuriates him... silly because there are meds that could subdue the disorder and therefore increase his chance for sobriety.
I - Is it intelligent?
Of course not, he won't learn if he doesn't accept responsibility for his actions.
N - Is it Necessary?
No. Her request was that the lawyer and the A can't find the letter I sent to courts. SENT TO THE COURTS. Contact the courts! There's apparently some circumventing reason they don't want to.
K - Is it Kind?
Well its not thoughtful, honest or intelligent so I would have to say no. There was never any real remorse to begin with, just his appreciation that i would even talk to him afterwards. Then we all scurry trying to get him out of it, when I was indeed the victim of a traumatic event that had me flinching every time attempted to touch my face in a loving way. Furthermore, on the way home from the first court appearance he blamed me for the fact it didn't get dismissed without conditions after he saw the BENIGN police report I was FORCED to write. Now, he refuses to serve up an apology for his most recent repulsive behavior (while I know I need to let go of the notion I deserve it), while harboring such disdain for me he has to have his family contact me for the request... it feels like I'm being assaulted all over again! Are they KIND? Where does it say I have to continue to be?
T - Is it Thoughtful?
No, because I wouldn't be really "helping" the A by continuing to help him circumvent the results of his actions. While I do believe the drugs the detox gave him made him extremely agitated (in 5 years he has never been violent or laid a hand on me), it was the combination of these drugs and the alcohol he chose to consume 5 minutes after leaving the detox. And for that, there is simply no excuse, as there NEVER is when it comes to domestic violence.
H - Is it Honest?
No. The version they request is his edited version. While I chose to appeal to the court from the tragedy that is the life of the addict and their loved ones, the struggles with depression, suicide, and hope that can't be found on any police report... he had me strip any "embarrassing content" from it. I focused on my belief he was bi-polar, that I told the detox center this but still they prescribed a drug that conflicts with bi-polar patients... and that he was now in a dual-diagnosis facility where he might "finally" get the help he needs, after being misdiagnosed for years (many people w/ bi-polar are not properly diagnosed and drink to self medicate). And while the A has all but one of the laundry list of bi-polar symptoms, he only went along with this angle (after making me take out the word "high" from the highs and lows I've witnessed) for the courts. To this day the word bi-polar infuriates him... silly because there are meds that could subdue the disorder and therefore increase his chance for sobriety.
I - Is it intelligent?
Of course not, he won't learn if he doesn't accept responsibility for his actions.
N - Is it Necessary?
No. Her request was that the lawyer and the A can't find the letter I sent to courts. SENT TO THE COURTS. Contact the courts! There's apparently some circumventing reason they don't want to.
K - Is it Kind?
Well its not thoughtful, honest or intelligent so I would have to say no. There was never any real remorse to begin with, just his appreciation that i would even talk to him afterwards. Then we all scurry trying to get him out of it, when I was indeed the victim of a traumatic event that had me flinching every time attempted to touch my face in a loving way. Furthermore, on the way home from the first court appearance he blamed me for the fact it didn't get dismissed without conditions after he saw the BENIGN police report I was FORCED to write. Now, he refuses to serve up an apology for his most recent repulsive behavior (while I know I need to let go of the notion I deserve it), while harboring such disdain for me he has to have his family contact me for the request... it feels like I'm being assaulted all over again! Are they KIND? Where does it say I have to continue to be?
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
florida,
Sometimes the THINK questions are meant to help me to keep the focus on me and my needs ....
such as am I being kind to me....
Is it loving to myself?
As is often the case for us "codies", you might re-read your thread just to see how often you mention him in comparision to how many times you talk about you...
Where are you in all of this and WHAT do You need to do to like yourself in it....?
Take care.
Sometimes the THINK questions are meant to help me to keep the focus on me and my needs ....
such as am I being kind to me....
Is it loving to myself?
As is often the case for us "codies", you might re-read your thread just to see how often you mention him in comparision to how many times you talk about you...
Where are you in all of this and WHAT do You need to do to like yourself in it....?
Take care.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: boca raton, florida
Posts: 12
Geez I'm confused 
I thought I did that?
T - Is it thoughtful? Well isn't this a question in referance to the service they're asking for? Of course it's not thoughtful for me, and serves "me" no purpose.
H - Is it Honest?
To me, no... it was edited away from honest, and even at best then but more an act to rescue. Can I feel honest by resubmitting it, no... yuck.
I- Is it intelligent?
I thought I got that one right! Wait, I got it.. i's not intelligent for me to repeat self-defeating behaviors.
N - Is it necessary?
For me, of course not, ain't my hide in the bear trap Do I feel like I have to do this? No, that's why I posted. The request pissed me off and intruded on a boundary I set.
K - Is it kind?
To me? No I would lose what dignity I have left.
How's that Daff?
I thought I did that?T - Is it thoughtful? Well isn't this a question in referance to the service they're asking for? Of course it's not thoughtful for me, and serves "me" no purpose.
H - Is it Honest?
To me, no... it was edited away from honest, and even at best then but more an act to rescue. Can I feel honest by resubmitting it, no... yuck.
I- Is it intelligent?
I thought I got that one right! Wait, I got it.. i's not intelligent for me to repeat self-defeating behaviors.
N - Is it necessary?
For me, of course not, ain't my hide in the bear trap
Do I feel like I have to do this? No, that's why I posted. The request pissed me off and intruded on a boundary I set.K - Is it kind?
To me? No I would lose what dignity I have left.
How's that Daff?
Responsible Girl
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Toledo, OH
Posts: 32
Florida;
Now read your last post again- isn't your answer there?
Tell them what you just told all of us- if they don't like it, too bad, they don't have to, and you don't have to please them. If they're mad at you- fine, still not your problem. Offer to write an additional letter, stating how you really feel, in your own handwriting, and take Daff's advice to get it notorized. If you send it to the lawyer, or your sister in law, they can choose whether or not to use it. Or better yet, send it to the court and cc the lawyer and your sister in law and him, as an addendum to the previous letter.
Now read your last post again- isn't your answer there?
Tell them what you just told all of us- if they don't like it, too bad, they don't have to, and you don't have to please them. If they're mad at you- fine, still not your problem. Offer to write an additional letter, stating how you really feel, in your own handwriting, and take Daff's advice to get it notorized. If you send it to the lawyer, or your sister in law, they can choose whether or not to use it. Or better yet, send it to the court and cc the lawyer and your sister in law and him, as an addendum to the previous letter.
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
WOW, YOU GO GIRL.....
YOU SHOULD BE SO PROUD OF YOURSELF....
NOW THAT'S A REALLY GOOOD HEALTHY BIT OF WORK....NOT ONLY DID YOU DO THE THE THINK PART BUT YOU WENT RIGHT AHEAD AND WORKED AT KEEPING IT SIMPLE.
Love Ya....Aunt Daffy
YOU SHOULD BE SO PROUD OF YOURSELF....
NOW THAT'S A REALLY GOOOD HEALTHY BIT OF WORK....NOT ONLY DID YOU DO THE THE THINK PART BUT YOU WENT RIGHT AHEAD AND WORKED AT KEEPING IT SIMPLE.
Love Ya....Aunt Daffy
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