Lost Compass
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 96
Lost Compass
Howdy All,
I'm not quite sure where to start ... I was a drunk and came here two years ago and became sober by will and a good wife.. long story short I am back convening with my good buddy Mr. Smirnoff at seven am and 'enjoying' that state of mind for a liter or so a day. My behavior of late is questionable with flickerings of rememberance the next day. I am on the edge of loosing control, arguably I have already to the great titan of alcohol. I am finding reasons not to seek help and am combative about it. I am truly lost .. not a happy tale but the truth. I used to be a person of meaning now I am just an empty shell filled full of vodka.
I'm not quite sure where to start ... I was a drunk and came here two years ago and became sober by will and a good wife.. long story short I am back convening with my good buddy Mr. Smirnoff at seven am and 'enjoying' that state of mind for a liter or so a day. My behavior of late is questionable with flickerings of rememberance the next day. I am on the edge of loosing control, arguably I have already to the great titan of alcohol. I am finding reasons not to seek help and am combative about it. I am truly lost .. not a happy tale but the truth. I used to be a person of meaning now I am just an empty shell filled full of vodka.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Welcome back.
I think, (but have done no research to verify) that the reason they say, "Hey, you want a shot?" is because it literally is a shot upside your head, lol. Now, what would we do if someone walked right up to us and asked, "hey, you want me to smack you upside the head?" Well, after going a few rounds with ole John Barleycorn, Jack D, and Cuervo, I had to just jump out of the ring. I'm sure ole King Vodka, (even the cheaper ones) can give you a good beating if you stick around long enough.
Good to see you back with a few braincells intack, most of mine waved bye bye long ago due to excessive fliud buildup from too much booze in my system, lol.
Maybe today would be a good day to get back on track, put the plug in the jug and try this sober thing again? Sure feels better than getting our heads kicked in by booze, cause the booze wins everytime.
I think, (but have done no research to verify) that the reason they say, "Hey, you want a shot?" is because it literally is a shot upside your head, lol. Now, what would we do if someone walked right up to us and asked, "hey, you want me to smack you upside the head?" Well, after going a few rounds with ole John Barleycorn, Jack D, and Cuervo, I had to just jump out of the ring. I'm sure ole King Vodka, (even the cheaper ones) can give you a good beating if you stick around long enough.
Good to see you back with a few braincells intack, most of mine waved bye bye long ago due to excessive fliud buildup from too much booze in my system, lol.
Maybe today would be a good day to get back on track, put the plug in the jug and try this sober thing again? Sure feels better than getting our heads kicked in by booze, cause the booze wins everytime.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome back, holdfold!
I feel for you - I didn't drink in the morning, but I did feel at times like I was living from drink to drink, just wanting to feel "normal" and make it through the day. It's no way to live. Still, it's hard to admit defeat, I know.
You took a huge step today by reaching out for support and I'm really glad you landed here - it's a great community. I had a lot of fear about getting sober, but this place kept me going long enough to want it for myself.
Please see a doctor (or ER) for detox. Don't try to go this alone. And keep reading/posting. We're here for you.....:day6
I feel for you - I didn't drink in the morning, but I did feel at times like I was living from drink to drink, just wanting to feel "normal" and make it through the day. It's no way to live. Still, it's hard to admit defeat, I know.
You took a huge step today by reaching out for support and I'm really glad you landed here - it's a great community. I had a lot of fear about getting sober, but this place kept me going long enough to want it for myself.
Please see a doctor (or ER) for detox. Don't try to go this alone. And keep reading/posting. We're here for you.....:day6
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Hi holdfold! Welcome back. Mr Smirnoff is not your friend. Never was...never will be. I'm happy to see you back at SR. You can get off the merry go round. I was an all day drinker myself...I see myself in your post. Feeling out of control... an empty shell.
I found support was vital to my recovery. Do you have any? AA, Smart Recovery. maybe a counselor who can help you out of this downward spiral. You can do this! Maybe make an appointment with your Doctor to get you started safely.
Best Wishes To You!
I found support was vital to my recovery. Do you have any? AA, Smart Recovery. maybe a counselor who can help you out of this downward spiral. You can do this! Maybe make an appointment with your Doctor to get you started safely.
Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
Welcome back! Vodka kicked my butt for a long time. Trying to get sober by myself was ultimately, a losing effort. I ended up finally overcoming reluctance and going to AA. Coming back to SR is good, but what are you doing in addition to that?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I'm really sorry to see you back holdfold.
I have to admit the words 'drinking at 7am' still give me a chill.
That no way to live HF - we both know that.
I hope coming back here can be your first step in turning things around, man.
D
I have to admit the words 'drinking at 7am' still give me a chill.
That no way to live HF - we both know that.
I hope coming back here can be your first step in turning things around, man.
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Welcome back to the family, holdfold. You sure don't sound like an empty shell to me. Sounds like you know what has to be done here. You can turn it all around again.
I went down hard the last time I relapsed - after 3 yrs. sober. It was a shock how quickly things began to disintegrate. Please be careful as you detox. We are here to listen and understand. You can get your life back.
I went down hard the last time I relapsed - after 3 yrs. sober. It was a shock how quickly things began to disintegrate. Please be careful as you detox. We are here to listen and understand. You can get your life back.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
Welcome back to your SR family.
I'm glad you made it back and hope you'll try sober living again. There's a lot of support here, as I'm sure you know, now just grab on to it and hold on tight. We're here to help you get and stay sober.
I'm glad you made it back and hope you'll try sober living again. There's a lot of support here, as I'm sure you know, now just grab on to it and hold on tight. We're here to help you get and stay sober. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 96
Thank you all for the kind words of welcome and gentle nudges to get back on the path... I am broken but not destroyed and I know that. I have a plan to get back to 'normal'. Indeed, there is no mess big enough that cannot be cleaned up ... you just have to find the right broom Blessings to you all for taking an interest.
Blessings to you all for taking an interest.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Holdfold,
Well at least your empty shell is "half full" albeit with vodka, ever the optimist. LOL
Two years is a great effort, look at this as a relapse and the opportunity to find out why you did, what was the process to relapse.
Nearly 4 months sober and yesterday I had a strong desire to drink, I kept busy, had cake and tea instead. Woke up this morning and felt so good I had not given into this desire.
Something is wrong in my recovery program, this morning I am listening to this
Relapse Prevention How To Stay Sober!
One thing that stands out in this broadcast for me is that relapses begin long before you actually pick up that drink.
Don't beat yourself up over that (leave that to the wife).
All the best.
CaiHong
Well at least your empty shell is "half full" albeit with vodka, ever the optimist. LOL
Two years is a great effort, look at this as a relapse and the opportunity to find out why you did, what was the process to relapse.
Nearly 4 months sober and yesterday I had a strong desire to drink, I kept busy, had cake and tea instead. Woke up this morning and felt so good I had not given into this desire.
Something is wrong in my recovery program, this morning I am listening to this
Relapse Prevention How To Stay Sober!
One thing that stands out in this broadcast for me is that relapses begin long before you actually pick up that drink.
Don't beat yourself up over that (leave that to the wife).
All the best.
CaiHong
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