Please help, I need advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 43
Please help, I need advice
My mom is killing herself with alcohol. She waked up drunk and goes to bed drunk. She has stopped eating. She has health issues and the only reason she wants to live is because of me. This is not enough for her though. She will not get help, I have tried. So I have two options...
1. Force her into a mental health institution and deal with her hating me for however long she has left even though I have heard that if they don't want to get better they never will. Do I deal with the guilt of locking her up for the rest of her life? (because I have no doubt she would never get out)
2. Or let her slowly kill herself with the alcohol and let her finish her life how she wants. Do I deal with the guilt that I didn't stop it? Could I stop it?
I know that you can't tell me what I should do, but what would you do? I'm so lost right now.
1. Force her into a mental health institution and deal with her hating me for however long she has left even though I have heard that if they don't want to get better they never will. Do I deal with the guilt of locking her up for the rest of her life? (because I have no doubt she would never get out)
2. Or let her slowly kill herself with the alcohol and let her finish her life how she wants. Do I deal with the guilt that I didn't stop it? Could I stop it?
I know that you can't tell me what I should do, but what would you do? I'm so lost right now.
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Welcome to SR.
I'm glad you found us, but sorry for the reasons of why you are here. Well first of all, know that you are powerless over her alcoholism. You did not cause it, you cannot cure it, and you cannot control it. You cannot force her to get the help she needs. She has to make the choice to pull herself out of this.
I do not think you can have her committed to a psychiatric hospital against her will. There might be some law that would allow for you to pursue in a civil court, but to my understanding it is still all on a voluntary basis. It is unfortunate that there is not a quick fix or a how to manual for these situations. Actually we are completely powerless over them. The only thing that you can do is to get a support system of your own. Do you have a counselor or therapist that you can speak with to help you? Al-Anon will be a great place to start to get face to face support.
Please feel free to look around these forums to gather some information. We are here for you.
I'm glad you found us, but sorry for the reasons of why you are here. Well first of all, know that you are powerless over her alcoholism. You did not cause it, you cannot cure it, and you cannot control it. You cannot force her to get the help she needs. She has to make the choice to pull herself out of this.
I do not think you can have her committed to a psychiatric hospital against her will. There might be some law that would allow for you to pursue in a civil court, but to my understanding it is still all on a voluntary basis. It is unfortunate that there is not a quick fix or a how to manual for these situations. Actually we are completely powerless over them. The only thing that you can do is to get a support system of your own. Do you have a counselor or therapist that you can speak with to help you? Al-Anon will be a great place to start to get face to face support.
Please feel free to look around these forums to gather some information. We are here for you.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Firecallie)))))
I too am very glad that you found us but also sorry for the reason why you had to.
I would suggest that you call your local office of the Adult Protection Services for the State of Texas and ask for a "Welfare Check" on your mom.
That way it will be the Social Workers who decide what is best for her, whether she needs to be 'locked up', put in a controlled environment, assisted living, whatever.
Get some of the 'experts' that have dealt with this type of issue before and see what they say. And if you ask them NOT to say who the call was from, they will honor it and say that they got a call from some folks that 'are concerned for her welfare.'
If she is far enough gone, they will take over.
Please try asking them for help.
In the meantime, please continue to post and let us know how YOU are doing as we do understand. Maybe try some Alanon meetings or look for a counselor that specializes in addiction and can help you deal with this.
I know it is hard on you. It is hard on any of us who have a loved one or loved ones who are in addiction.
Know that we are here for you.
Love and hugs,
I too am very glad that you found us but also sorry for the reason why you had to.
I would suggest that you call your local office of the Adult Protection Services for the State of Texas and ask for a "Welfare Check" on your mom.
That way it will be the Social Workers who decide what is best for her, whether she needs to be 'locked up', put in a controlled environment, assisted living, whatever.
Get some of the 'experts' that have dealt with this type of issue before and see what they say. And if you ask them NOT to say who the call was from, they will honor it and say that they got a call from some folks that 'are concerned for her welfare.'
If she is far enough gone, they will take over.
Please try asking them for help.
In the meantime, please continue to post and let us know how YOU are doing as we do understand. Maybe try some Alanon meetings or look for a counselor that specializes in addiction and can help you deal with this.
I know it is hard on you. It is hard on any of us who have a loved one or loved ones who are in addiction.
Know that we are here for you.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
There's literally nothing you can do. You've tried to help her and she's decided to go this route. Of course your instinct is to try harder but if she's decided to kill herself in this long drawn-out way, that's what she's going to do.
I hope you get some help for youself. Are you living with her? No need to answer, but if you are, that's no way to live--maybe you could move out.
I hope you get some help for youself. Are you living with her? No need to answer, but if you are, that's no way to live--maybe you could move out.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 91
You could try
Next time she gets really bad you can have her taken to a local hospital to dry out. If you can get a sympathetic doctor and see if they can hold her for a couple of days in the psych unit to detox. While she is there and getting clear headed you can talk to her about a rehab program and take her right from the hospital to there. That's what I had to do with my husband. He had to agree to go and he did.He was ready. Your mother would have to go willingly to the rehab. She needs to be ready.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Saltburn UK
Posts: 278
So sorry to hear this, As everyone says, you must get some help for yourself-it's an enormous drain on the resources, mental and physical, of those of us who are dealing with it.
Apart from my partners drinking, my brother died in 2000 as a result of alcohol abuse. We had him in and out of detox, he and we tried everything but he was so broken up over the failure of his marriage (because of his drinking) that he ended it all that way.
Your mom has to want to give up.
You are not alone-sending you good wishes.
Apart from my partners drinking, my brother died in 2000 as a result of alcohol abuse. We had him in and out of detox, he and we tried everything but he was so broken up over the failure of his marriage (because of his drinking) that he ended it all that way.
Your mom has to want to give up.
You are not alone-sending you good wishes.
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