Farfalla

My 18 year old who is away at school is giving me the guilt trip because her addict father moved out. She keeps telling me I should be taking care of him. Does anyone have any feedback on how to handle this?

suki44883

Don't let her make you feel guilty. You cannot "take care" of an addict. Maybe tell her to get some education on addiction before she starts criticizing you. If she's away at school, she's obviously not having to deal with the day-to-day chaos that comes with living with an addict. Her father is an adult and can take care of himself. Or not. You only need to take care of you.

Farfalla

He is snorting percocets smoking weed and got knows what else. He does not drink. I kind of really got annoyed when she just did this.

outtolunch

She's 18. Common for kids to take sides. She does not know the whole story. Is dad manipulating?

Remember, she can't give you anything unless you accept it.

Farfalla

Dad is very manipulating. Mom threw me out blah blah.

Muunray

My daughter was the same way about her dad. He was falling asleep standing up, ankles all swollen, and a mess and she would defend him the whole way...he would say he was just tired and she (wanted to) believe him - even when I told her it was because of the drugs he was abusing.
He could do no wrong in her eyes, and I was the mean one. She even wanted to move in with him after I had him leave so she could take care of him. He was going to let her! I told him I would fight it the whole way because at that time she was like 14 years old, and it would be a terrible thing to ask of a 14 year old. Thankfully it didn't happen.
He ended up dying from the drug abuse.
She's 18 and still defends him.

Farfalla

I am so sorry for your loss.

Seren

The truth about her father's behavior "will out" in time. At 18, she thinks she knows how everyone should behave.....but she has no idea of the realities of life. She will learn....

All I can offer are hugs for you.

Patience may be your best tool.

HG

Freedom1990

No one can make me feel guilty unless I give them permission to do so.

My AD has tried that several times, including when she's been evicted, and I refuse to pick up the guilt she throws out.

Ann

Perhaps it is her fear speaking? Perhaps she is very afraid of what may happen to him and doesn't know how to deal with that fear except to try to find someone to take care of him?

Addiction is a family disease, affecting each person who loves the addict. Meetings would probably help her significantly to understand and to cope.

My prayers go out for all of you. Addiction eats at the very heart of the family and destroys anyone who tries to control it.

Hugs