learningtofly

My AH was clean for about a year and a half after using various pills for 10 years. Once he stopped I still found him to be withdrawn, a home body and not very excited about anything. He wasn't motivated and seemed to not really take an interest in our family.

I would describe him as a very mellow person, very laid back but I felt as though it was more than usual.

Is this normal? Do a lot of A experience this sort of behavior once they stop using? If so is it possible for it to last a year and a half?

My counselor has asked me if I think that maybe thats just who he is, but I tend to think there is a link to the addiction and him not dealing with some of the issues that go along with the addiction.

What do you guys think? Have you experienced this with your Addicts?

outtolunch

I am thinking that what you see is who he is, without drugs. Sounds like chronic depression.

bluebelle

My RABF had some of those traits after coming off of pills, but he also suffers from chronic depression. Is your AH working with a psychiatrist/counselor? Is your AH in a recovery program? My RABF has trouble with motivation, and that was part of the reason he was taking them--then he would have energy to get every project completed.

BarelyHere

my ah husband has been sober most of 10 months. He started his addiction 15 yrs into our marriage. He was an addict for 6 yrs. secretly. The addict & the sober man I knew were two different people, yet this man is yet a third man.
He is not like either one of his previous personalities. I have read depending on the length & amount of the addiction, it can take a year plus for the brain to rewire. It is so frustrating to live with someone you don't know anymore & try to be supportive.

I loved my husband & hated the addict. I am just confused most of the time by this new personality. I wish I could have given better advice. Still exploring this part myself.
Good Luck

Hanna

Maybe a year and a half isn't enough time to get over all the physical and emotional effects of 10 years of drug abuse. After 10 years, he would have to be finding a new normal for himself. It could be depression, thought it's also possible that he stopped using but hasn't dealt with the underlying problems. Maybe he used because he was quiet, unexcited and withdrawn and it made him feel more able to participate in life.

Is he in any kind of treatment or working a program?

TD252

I have found my AW to be more erratic and selfish since she has been clean. If anything, treatment taught her to be more focused on herself only. I know she is clean because she is drug tested weekly.

artist83

I know that my A's reasons for using go far beyond the physical pain that he experiences when he's not on the pain meds. He crushed his leg in an accident a few years ago and does still have significant physical pain, but the emotional pain is much, much worse. When he is happy and not stressing about anything, he takes what he needs to take in order to be comfortable, but when something is really bothering him he abuses his meds and occasionally resorts to injecting the pills, which terrifies me beyond belief. He just won't leave the past in the past and move on - he harps on all of the mistakes he's made, the things he COULD HAVE and SHOULD HAVE done differently, and after he has allowed the pain to build up for so long, he self-destructs. He takes too many pills or shoots up to get high so he doesn't have to deal with the pain. He avoids emotional pain at all costs, even if it means hurting the people he loves or killing himself in the process. And then the cycle starts over again and continues on and on and on...

Addicts get high as a means to escape reality, escape the pain of reality, so I'm certain that your husband is dealing with some deeper emotional issue(s). What is causing him emotional pain? He's the only one who can answer that, and if he's a recovering addict, than he obviously doesn't deal with his feelings in the most productive manner. It seems like he's just allowing the pain to linger, and if he continues to suppress his feelings, he may eventually return to the drug use.

It's important that recovering addicts take care of themselves EMOTIONALLY. Stopping the drug use is NOT recovery - in order for him to really recover from addiction, he has to face his "demons" as well. He has to feel his feelings and learn to deal with them in non-destructive manners, and sitting on the couch in zombie mode is very unhealthy.

Have you talked to him about going to NA meetings or therapy? If he's not comfortable with f2f meetings or therapy, there are sooooooo many books out there for recovering addicts that focus on staying clean and dealing with feelings and emotional pain. Let him know that you love him and are concerned about him, that you want to see him happy. Maybe he will open up to you, and if he doesn't, suggest NA, therapy, or a book or two. It can't hurt to try, but don't have an expectations. If he declines all of you suggestions, then let it go. There's nothing you can do to make him deal with his feelings, but at least you expressed your love and concern for him. That's really all you can do, and that's okay.

Good luck!

Sending hugs and strength your way,

Chino

Personalities are made from nature plus nurture. Nature is DNA and nurture is every environmental influence. Our personalities can and will change with change in environment. I don't exactly have the same personality I did 5-6 years ago and, depending on my circumstances in the future, my personality may change yet again. My daughter has been in recovery for over 1.5 years now, and her personality is different from her last period of recovery.

lonelystar

My son just started on his treatment , hes on suboxone , I dont think he has been clean longer than a couple of days in the last three years , the son before the drugs was a very different person and now after all that abuse I dont know who is underneath I am beginning to see differences though some good , some not so good, time will tell i suppose but yes I agree counseling Is a big step in helping them find there way again.

booboo626

sounds like depression.

drugs use does a lot of damage. It causes the body/mind to stop producing the "feel goods" on it's own. The drugs do it for the body.

The body has to learn to produce the "feel goods" again, now that the drugs aren't being taken anymore.

His guilt can be overwhelming for him.

And on top of that he has to deal with all reasons why he was using and what he was running from to begin with.

Stopping the drugs is only the beginning.

learningtofly

I have never thought about depression. He doesn't seem depressed. He says he's happy with his life and that he takes drugs for two reason when at work he took them for energy and then at night he would take them to relax and veg out.
I know he has some childhood issues and both parents were addicts and he was exposed to drugs all of his life.
he is working the NA program. He is almost 3 weeks clean. He is in the process of trying to find a sponser. The last time he stopped using NA was court order because he got a duo so maybe this time is different.
he def did not work on the under lying problems. He doesn't like talking about "feelings" as most men don't.
I know drugs mess with the chemicals in the brain and can cause them to be kinda numb for awhile. Does that go away? Sometimes he seems slow to answer. It makes he think there has been some damage done that effects his reflexes. Idk maybe I'm over analyzing.

itsanewday2011

Hi there - when I was talking to a counselor about my ex (when I was deciding to stay/leave him)...she said that it does take about a year to get the "brain back" depending on how much use was done. Also, if your AH has some other "issues" (family 'stuff', etc), then maybe that is something to explore? For me, there was so much history and damage I just knew I would never get my husband back (now, keep in mind- my ex was relapsing and didn't really engage in an active recovery program). I also had a daughter where I was concerned about safety issues.

I don't think you are overanalyzing....I was always accused of doing that...I think you are just exploring the situation to figure out what is best for you. Keep asking the questions and searching for the answer in you. I wish you the best on your journey.

Freedom1990

Yes drugs do mess with the chemicals in the brain, and yes, it eventually clears up.

It takes time, lots of time.