I'm 6 Months and think I'm gonna have a 2 or 3 now....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 8
I'm 6 Months and think I'm gonna have a 2 or 3 now....
Hello all,
Ok I'm gonna keep this brief.
I'm just into my 6th month sober. I feel like having a few drinks now and know I can have a few and walk away. I travel the world and with my job, the booze is free, all my friends are drinking and having a great time. I've still managed to stop amidst all that. My Job is high pressured. The reason I stopped drinking was because I almost passed out while trying to do my job in front of a lot of people. We do presentations and I had been out the night before till 6am and was up at 11am and then had to go and do this presentation at around 8pm that night, but had no sleep and not much food and while talking felt myself almost going.
The thing is most of my young life I've suffered with Anxiety and would be drinking to medicate that, especially around Woman or dating. Always insecure and unsure of myself, alcohol always gave me the edge there or the courage, which I know now was all a lie. At the time this even happened to me I had started dating this girl and was quite nervous etc.
So I'm wondering has it been anxiety all along and I've been drinking to make that better.
These days I'm getting Migraine's, the kind I've never had before, they literally stop me in my tracks. So here I am trying to feel better and look after myself, all my friends around me drinking etc and I wake up feeling worse?? So frustrating! These migraine's are killer.
I have a sponsor who has 30yrs under his belt. We got to the 9th step. I did the 9th step which included having to tell my ex that I had cheated on her twice, hardest thing I have ever had to do, I'll never forget her reaction. I told her because if I was to have a chance at being with her I had to come clean. Part of me see's now that I made a mistake. Now the only way to be with her is to marry her. She told me ' If you want me to take you seriously at us being together you'll have to commit to me now, I want to start a family ' . We had been together 6yrs, with 2 break ups in the middle of that and she has stage two endometriosis god help her and wants to try and have a baby soon so you can see why the pressure is mounting. And I come along and drop that bombshell. So I'm not so sure about the AA program working so well for me to be honest, Step 9 kicked my ass and is actually still kicking my ass today! lol She has brought it up a number of times what I did, or how I ' CHEATED ' and I'm feeling like a right old ******* arse hole the more I hear it. The guilt is heavy on my mind. I thought telling her was the right thing to do but I cant honestly say in my heart that it was now, because if I get back with her, this will always be there, no matter what I do and in being honest I've literally taken the gun from her and loaded it. Thats how it feels, so I still cant get to grips with Step 9. And the promises? If this is the promised land, I'm off to the pub!
And the meetings, oh the meetings. I'm so sorry guys but I cant do them. I've a friend sober 10 yrs who doesnt go to meetings. They would drive me to drink. I never felt they helped me. I dont think I can face a life of meetings, I really dont.
But then again, I'm dont think i'm an alcoholic but I continue on the road I'm on, wondering where I'll end up next.
Any advice at this stage would be so gratefully appreciated!
Thanks,
John.
Ok I'm gonna keep this brief.
I'm just into my 6th month sober. I feel like having a few drinks now and know I can have a few and walk away. I travel the world and with my job, the booze is free, all my friends are drinking and having a great time. I've still managed to stop amidst all that. My Job is high pressured. The reason I stopped drinking was because I almost passed out while trying to do my job in front of a lot of people. We do presentations and I had been out the night before till 6am and was up at 11am and then had to go and do this presentation at around 8pm that night, but had no sleep and not much food and while talking felt myself almost going.
The thing is most of my young life I've suffered with Anxiety and would be drinking to medicate that, especially around Woman or dating. Always insecure and unsure of myself, alcohol always gave me the edge there or the courage, which I know now was all a lie. At the time this even happened to me I had started dating this girl and was quite nervous etc.
So I'm wondering has it been anxiety all along and I've been drinking to make that better.
These days I'm getting Migraine's, the kind I've never had before, they literally stop me in my tracks. So here I am trying to feel better and look after myself, all my friends around me drinking etc and I wake up feeling worse?? So frustrating! These migraine's are killer.
I have a sponsor who has 30yrs under his belt. We got to the 9th step. I did the 9th step which included having to tell my ex that I had cheated on her twice, hardest thing I have ever had to do, I'll never forget her reaction. I told her because if I was to have a chance at being with her I had to come clean. Part of me see's now that I made a mistake. Now the only way to be with her is to marry her. She told me ' If you want me to take you seriously at us being together you'll have to commit to me now, I want to start a family ' . We had been together 6yrs, with 2 break ups in the middle of that and she has stage two endometriosis god help her and wants to try and have a baby soon so you can see why the pressure is mounting. And I come along and drop that bombshell. So I'm not so sure about the AA program working so well for me to be honest, Step 9 kicked my ass and is actually still kicking my ass today! lol She has brought it up a number of times what I did, or how I ' CHEATED ' and I'm feeling like a right old ******* arse hole the more I hear it. The guilt is heavy on my mind. I thought telling her was the right thing to do but I cant honestly say in my heart that it was now, because if I get back with her, this will always be there, no matter what I do and in being honest I've literally taken the gun from her and loaded it. Thats how it feels, so I still cant get to grips with Step 9. And the promises? If this is the promised land, I'm off to the pub!
And the meetings, oh the meetings. I'm so sorry guys but I cant do them. I've a friend sober 10 yrs who doesnt go to meetings. They would drive me to drink. I never felt they helped me. I dont think I can face a life of meetings, I really dont.
But then again, I'm dont think i'm an alcoholic but I continue on the road I'm on, wondering where I'll end up next.
Any advice at this stage would be so gratefully appreciated!
Thanks,
John.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Didn't you read the entire 9th step? At 30 years, where was your sponsor's suggestions regarding making amends?
Please don't contribute your behavior to a fellowship that works miracles for those who follow simple suggestions, thank you.
"...except when to do so would injure them or others."
Amends is not about making me feel better. It's about healing relationships we've already stomped on.
Many prayers to you, your family, friends, & acquaintances!
Please don't contribute your behavior to a fellowship that works miracles for those who follow simple suggestions, thank you.
"...except when to do so would injure them or others."
Amends is not about making me feel better. It's about healing relationships we've already stomped on.
Many prayers to you, your family, friends, & acquaintances!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Didn't you read the entire 9th step? At 30 years, where was your sponsor's suggestions regarding making amends?
Please don't contribute your behavior to a fellowship that works miracles for those who follow simple suggestions, thank you.
"...except when to do so would injure them or others."
Amends is not about making me feel better. It's about healing relationships we've already stomped on.
Many prayers to you, your family, friends, & acquaintances!
Please don't contribute your behavior to a fellowship that works miracles for those who follow simple suggestions, thank you.
"...except when to do so would injure them or others."
Amends is not about making me feel better. It's about healing relationships we've already stomped on.
Many prayers to you, your family, friends, & acquaintances!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by SilentRoar 
the meetings 
What is it about the meetings that drive you to drink?
And I think of the population of alcoholics as being on a bell curve, where the majority of (recovering) alcoholics do AA because it either works for them or they were sent there by court. There are other options out there which, unfortunately, are severely underrepresented.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
AA states several times in the literature it isn't the only way. Even in AA there's a wide variety of methods for working the program. Learn by doing or make a different choice. The only requirement is a desire to stop and they are self supporting, so no one loses if you make a different choice, but please don't misrepresent.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
AA states several times in the literature it isn't the only way. Even in AA there's a wide variety of methods for working the program. Learn by doing or make a different choice. The only requirement is a desire to stop and they are self supporting, so no one loses if you make a different choice, but please don't misrepresent.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi John
I'm not in AA so I don't know much about 9th steps...
I do know that honesty was never a hallmark of my relationships in the past...but it is the foundation of the wonderful relationship I have right now....
If your relationship is weathering this storm, maybe it's one to last? I'd think that's a good thing to know?
If it's caused you to reconsider - that's also a good thing to know.
As for returning to drinking - no matter how much time I put between me and my last drink, the relationship I had with alcohol never changed...ever.
I always ended up back in exactly the same place.
I really hope you stick with recovery.
But, if you decide to drink again, I hope it works out differently for you, and doesn't do any more damage to your relationship.
I do encourage you to find other solutions for your headaches though.
Alcohol is simply no answer there, just as it's no solution for anxiety.
Best of luck to you
D
I'm not in AA so I don't know much about 9th steps...
I do know that honesty was never a hallmark of my relationships in the past...but it is the foundation of the wonderful relationship I have right now....
If your relationship is weathering this storm, maybe it's one to last? I'd think that's a good thing to know?
If it's caused you to reconsider - that's also a good thing to know.
As for returning to drinking - no matter how much time I put between me and my last drink, the relationship I had with alcohol never changed...ever.
I always ended up back in exactly the same place.
I really hope you stick with recovery.
But, if you decide to drink again, I hope it works out differently for you, and doesn't do any more damage to your relationship.
I do encourage you to find other solutions for your headaches though.
Alcohol is simply no answer there, just as it's no solution for anxiety.
Best of luck to you
D
Last edited by Dee74; 08-28-2011 at 09:55 PM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Hi John,
What I got mostly from your post is that you feel pressured to be back with your ex because of what SHE wants, and not what you want. No wonder you feel overwhelmed. Are you ready to be a Daddy right now? Is being back with her what you really need? You don't have to make amends with her by marrying her, if that's not what will make you happy. You cheated, you confessed, but if it's going to continue to drive a wedge between you now, just wait until there's a child in the picture when she's feeling lonely, or at home with the baby when you go out. I just hope you are cautious about it.
I don't do AA, but I used to go to drug/alcohol meetings run by my healthcare provider. I didn't like them either so I stopped going, simply because I felt they weren't working for me. SR and reading the book Rational Recovery felt more like the way I wanted to live my life. AA certainly isn't for everyone, so how about having a look around for something else? Nothing is set in stone, and everyone is different.
You have done great with being sober for 6 months. There was a reason you chose to become sober, don't lose sight of it.
What I got mostly from your post is that you feel pressured to be back with your ex because of what SHE wants, and not what you want. No wonder you feel overwhelmed. Are you ready to be a Daddy right now? Is being back with her what you really need? You don't have to make amends with her by marrying her, if that's not what will make you happy. You cheated, you confessed, but if it's going to continue to drive a wedge between you now, just wait until there's a child in the picture when she's feeling lonely, or at home with the baby when you go out. I just hope you are cautious about it.
I don't do AA, but I used to go to drug/alcohol meetings run by my healthcare provider. I didn't like them either so I stopped going, simply because I felt they weren't working for me. SR and reading the book Rational Recovery felt more like the way I wanted to live my life. AA certainly isn't for everyone, so how about having a look around for something else? Nothing is set in stone, and everyone is different.
You have done great with being sober for 6 months. There was a reason you chose to become sober, don't lose sight of it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
Well since you're not an alcoholic it looks like you've got everything figured out.
So when you were up until 6 AM partying you only had 2 drinks all night like normal people, right?
Why don't you think about some more consequences that drinking caused and then think about Step 1 a little more. Look back and see if at any point you lost control of your drinking or if you did anything that you regret because of drinking. If not then everything is cool and you can go on doing whatever you think is best.
So when you were up until 6 AM partying you only had 2 drinks all night like normal people, right?
Why don't you think about some more consequences that drinking caused and then think about Step 1 a little more. Look back and see if at any point you lost control of your drinking or if you did anything that you regret because of drinking. If not then everything is cool and you can go on doing whatever you think is best.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
No apology needed. I don't condone contempt prior to investigation.
Do you really need to be with someone who holds your past behavior as a weapon?
having a baby in that kind of relationship may harm the child emotionally.
Something to think about. Peace!
Do you really need to be with someone who holds your past behavior as a weapon?
having a baby in that kind of relationship may harm the child emotionally.
Something to think about. Peace!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Hi John,
Sounds like you have lot's of tough things going on in your life right now.
I certainly can relate to the fact of wanting to escape the tensions and pressures of work etc by having a drink to "Calm" the nerves.
Of course only you can decide if you are a Alcoholic, although I can tell you that people who I know whom to do not have trouble with drinking, do not almost pass out from alcohol right before a big presentation. For me I never thought I had a problem drinking until I realized that not everyone needs to finish a bottle in one sitting. There are people out there that can have a half a glass of wine at dinner and that's all they will touch. They will actually not even finish the half glass of wine. I was not one of those people.
I too had a sponsor with 30 years under his belt. It was not easy to follow his advice by going to meetings, of course I did not "Want" to go, my mind was always trying to make excuses, "I am not like "Those" people" etc. But truth is the Meetings saved (And continue to save my life) There are many many different meetings out there, I was always told to go to many different meetings and find one that I really liked or connected with. It really makes the world of difference. I urge you to keep going especially when you don't want to go. You have 6 months under your belt, that is a great accomplishment, you have been given a gift of sobriety, I am sure it was not "easy" to get to where you are today. You are always free of course to go back to drinking but we are never guaranteed a "second" chance. We just don't know if we will make it back before it's too late. My advice would be to urge you to hang onto your Sobriety and guard it very carefully, you worked so hard to get here, you can totally make it through this without drinking. Remember why you stopped drinking in the first place, remember all the negative things that drinking did to you and your life. Write it down.
I am one of those people who also went to therapy, I had a therapist who understood addiction, I would really urge you to seek a Therapist out in addition to meetings. It sounds like you have some decisions to make in regards to your relationship. You have so much going on right now, no wonder you are so stressed. It would be really really good for you to be able to speak to a specialist. This really helped me when I was dealing with very stressful situations and decisions in my life. It may help for you as well.
I hope that you find the help and support you need.
All the best,
Sounds like you have lot's of tough things going on in your life right now.
I certainly can relate to the fact of wanting to escape the tensions and pressures of work etc by having a drink to "Calm" the nerves.
Of course only you can decide if you are a Alcoholic, although I can tell you that people who I know whom to do not have trouble with drinking, do not almost pass out from alcohol right before a big presentation. For me I never thought I had a problem drinking until I realized that not everyone needs to finish a bottle in one sitting. There are people out there that can have a half a glass of wine at dinner and that's all they will touch. They will actually not even finish the half glass of wine. I was not one of those people.
I too had a sponsor with 30 years under his belt. It was not easy to follow his advice by going to meetings, of course I did not "Want" to go, my mind was always trying to make excuses, "I am not like "Those" people" etc. But truth is the Meetings saved (And continue to save my life) There are many many different meetings out there, I was always told to go to many different meetings and find one that I really liked or connected with. It really makes the world of difference. I urge you to keep going especially when you don't want to go. You have 6 months under your belt, that is a great accomplishment, you have been given a gift of sobriety, I am sure it was not "easy" to get to where you are today. You are always free of course to go back to drinking but we are never guaranteed a "second" chance. We just don't know if we will make it back before it's too late. My advice would be to urge you to hang onto your Sobriety and guard it very carefully, you worked so hard to get here, you can totally make it through this without drinking. Remember why you stopped drinking in the first place, remember all the negative things that drinking did to you and your life. Write it down.
I am one of those people who also went to therapy, I had a therapist who understood addiction, I would really urge you to seek a Therapist out in addition to meetings. It sounds like you have some decisions to make in regards to your relationship. You have so much going on right now, no wonder you are so stressed. It would be really really good for you to be able to speak to a specialist. This really helped me when I was dealing with very stressful situations and decisions in my life. It may help for you as well.
I hope that you find the help and support you need.
All the best,
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Hi John -
Sorry things have been so tough. I think that you did the right thing by your ex, even if it doesn't feel good now. The right thing doesn't always feel right, especially at first.
My suggestion would be if you are not satisfied in your recovery program why don't you try changing something about your program? I don't think the problem here is that you're not drinking, I think the problem you're up against is the program you're working is not beneficial for you. Whatever you end up doing, I know for sure that alcohol isn't the answer.
You may or may not be an alcoholic, but you are talking about drinking in your post as if it's the solution to the problems you are facing, or a means of escaping. Regardless of whether or not your an alcoholic that's not a healthy view of alcohol.
As far as the meetings causing you to want to drink, are the meetings you are going to focused on the problem or the solution? I've been to lots of meetings that made me want to drink, but I found out that those are just bad meetings. I now have a handful of really good meetings that I go to.
Best of luck, stick it out and I'm sure you'll be glad down the road that you did.
Sorry things have been so tough. I think that you did the right thing by your ex, even if it doesn't feel good now. The right thing doesn't always feel right, especially at first.
My suggestion would be if you are not satisfied in your recovery program why don't you try changing something about your program? I don't think the problem here is that you're not drinking, I think the problem you're up against is the program you're working is not beneficial for you. Whatever you end up doing, I know for sure that alcohol isn't the answer.
You may or may not be an alcoholic, but you are talking about drinking in your post as if it's the solution to the problems you are facing, or a means of escaping. Regardless of whether or not your an alcoholic that's not a healthy view of alcohol.
As far as the meetings causing you to want to drink, are the meetings you are going to focused on the problem or the solution? I've been to lots of meetings that made me want to drink, but I found out that those are just bad meetings. I now have a handful of really good meetings that I go to.
Best of luck, stick it out and I'm sure you'll be glad down the road that you did.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,928
Originally Posted by SilentRoar
I'm just into my 6th month sober. I feel like having a few drinks now and know I can have a few and walk away. ...
Originally Posted by SilentRoar
The reason I stopped drinking was because I almost passed out while trying to do my job in front of a lot of people. ... would be drinking to medicate that
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi John
I'm not in AA so I don't know much about 9th steps...
I do know that honesty was never a hallmark of my relationships in the past...but it is the foundation of the wonderful relationship I have right now....
If your relationship is weathering this storm, maybe it's one to last? I'd think that's a good thing to know?
If it's caused you to reconsider - that's also a good thing to know.
As for returning to drinking - no matter how much time I put between me and my last drink, the relationship I had with alcohol never changed...ever.
I always ended up back in exactly the same place.
I really hope you stick with recovery.
But, if you decide to drink again, I hope it works out differently for you, and doesn't do any more damage to your relationship.
I do encourage you to find other solutions for your headaches though.
Alcohol is simply no answer there, just as it's no solution for anxiety.
Best of luck to you
D
I'm not in AA so I don't know much about 9th steps...
I do know that honesty was never a hallmark of my relationships in the past...but it is the foundation of the wonderful relationship I have right now....
If your relationship is weathering this storm, maybe it's one to last? I'd think that's a good thing to know?
If it's caused you to reconsider - that's also a good thing to know.
As for returning to drinking - no matter how much time I put between me and my last drink, the relationship I had with alcohol never changed...ever.
I always ended up back in exactly the same place.
I really hope you stick with recovery.
But, if you decide to drink again, I hope it works out differently for you, and doesn't do any more damage to your relationship.
I do encourage you to find other solutions for your headaches though.
Alcohol is simply no answer there, just as it's no solution for anxiety.
Best of luck to you
D
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