Stopping before there's no way back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 63
Stopping before there's no way back.
Hello. I have a problem with alcohol. Mines is not a problem with drinking everday but with serious binge drinking. I am a 24 year old male and had my first drink at 13. First it was just a bottle of cider here and there but has slowly got worse of the years. I'm now at the stage that when I drink, I drink to the extreme. I can easily finish a litre of Scotch or 3-4 bottles of wine in one sitting. Although I must be doing my body an amount of physical damage, it's the mental affects that are scaring me. When I have that first drink it feels like an insatiable thirst descends over me, like a mental darkness. I just want more and more and more until I tend to pass out. My personality changes wildly. My ex-girlfriend told me that I the perfect guy, romantic, sensitive and attentive until I had that first beer. Whenever anyone tries to explain I'm drinking too much I react furiously and become very abusive towards them. I blank out alot. Often I've said/done things and had no recollection of them. The binges are always followed by 2 to 3 days of severe depression, sleep paralysis and a feeling my sense of reality seems altered. I feel happier, healthier and more conident when I have not been drinking for a prolonged period but always seem to fall back on my self abusive habit. I don't even think I enjoy drinking at the time. Recently I decided that I'd had enough and was stopping. I lasted 11 weeks before I went on a pre-booked holiday abroad and discovered there was a free bar. I want to stay sober for the sake of my mental health; I feel I am on a slippery slope.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 12
Welcome, Butterfly Man! 
I hope you're able to stay off the sauce permanently. I haven't managed to throw together more than 5 or 6 months of sober time before I fall back, but other people have stayed sober for years, so there's no reason why you can't, too.
I feel like I'm on shaky ground, too, and I can relate when you say that you have separate personalities depending on whether you're sober and loaded. Mine are the opposite of yours... my ex-girlfriends told me that I'm romantic and attentive when I'm drunk, but I'm icy and detached when I'm sober. Either way, I hope you're able to stick with it this time.
I hope you're able to stay off the sauce permanently. I haven't managed to throw together more than 5 or 6 months of sober time before I fall back, but other people have stayed sober for years, so there's no reason why you can't, too.I feel like I'm on shaky ground, too, and I can relate when you say that you have separate personalities depending on whether you're sober and loaded. Mine are the opposite of yours... my ex-girlfriends told me that I'm romantic and attentive when I'm drunk, but I'm icy and detached when I'm sober. Either way, I hope you're able to stick with it this time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Alabama
Posts: 226
Originally Posted by ButterflyMan 
Hello. I have a problem with alcohol. Mines is not a problem with drinking everday but with serious binge drinking. I am a 24 year old male and had my first drink at 13. First it was just a bottle of cider here and there but has slowly got worse of the years. I'm now at the stage that when I drink, I drink to the extreme. I can easily finish a litre of Scotch or 3-4 bottles of wine in one sitting. Although I must be doing my body an amount of physical damage, it's the mental affects that are scaring me. When I have that first drink it feels like an insatiable thirst descends over me, like a mental darkness. I just want more and more and more until I tend to pass out. My personality changes wildly. My ex-girlfriend told me that I the perfect guy, romantic, sensitive and attentive until I had that first beer. Whenever anyone tries to explain I'm drinking too much I react furiously and become very abusive towards them. I blank out alot. Often I've said/done things and had no recollection of them. The binges are always followed by 2 to 3 days of severe depression, sleep paralysis and a feeling my sense of reality seems altered. I feel happier, healthier and more conident when I have not been drinking for a prolonged period but always seem to fall back on my self abusive habit. I don't even think I enjoy drinking at the time. Recently I decided that I'd had enough and was stopping. I lasted 11 weeks before I went on a pre-booked holiday abroad and discovered there was a free bar. I want to stay sober for the sake of my mental health; I feel I am on a slippery slope.
This literally is me to a T! I am a 26 year old male and my habits are exactly the same. Once I start I want to go for at least 2 or 3 days. I also have the same heightened mental anguish when I finally "come down". I also managed quitting on my own for 4 months and relapsed at my sisters wedding. We are on a slippery slope for sure but at least we have both found a place where we can hopefully change this cycle we are trapped in.
Best of Luck UofI2008.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by ButterflyMan
... When I have that first drink it feels like an insatiable thirst descends over me, like a mental darkness. I just want more and more and more until I tend to pass out.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I too stopped because my mental condition became shakey when I drank.
The blackouts and depression were horrific
The blackouts stopped immeidately with my quitting...the depression took
a bit longer. I certainly don't miss either and enjoy a clear mind...
Welcome to our recovery community....
The blackouts and depression were horrific
The blackouts stopped immeidately with my quitting...the depression took
a bit longer. I certainly don't miss either and enjoy a clear mind...
Welcome to our recovery community....
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome aboard ButterflyMan
I remember how it was as a binge drinker - the insatiable thirst, and the descent into, if not madness, a sense my head was 'wrong'...
Quitting...and finding support were simply the best things I could have done for myself
D
I remember how it was as a binge drinker - the insatiable thirst, and the descent into, if not madness, a sense my head was 'wrong'...
Quitting...and finding support were simply the best things I could have done for myself
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the family.
I was a round-the-clock daily drinker and ended up hating myself and wishing I were dead.
I've been sober now almost 21 months and am happier and more alive than I've been in a long time. It took a bit of effort to stay sober but it's worth that effort. I love living sober.
I hope you can find your way to a better sober life.
I was a round-the-clock daily drinker and ended up hating myself and wishing I were dead.
I've been sober now almost 21 months and am happier and more alive than I've been in a long time. It took a bit of effort to stay sober but it's worth that effort. I love living sober.I hope you can find your way to a better sober life.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Butterflyman and welcome to the forum -
I was nodding my head while reading your post..... It doesn't matter how much I drink..... all I want is more. I lose all concern for my well-being or how I'll feel the next day.
It will only get worse over time (as lots of us can attest to). I'm so glad you're here and wanting to make a change. Believe me, you're certainly not alone in this!
I was nodding my head while reading your post..... It doesn't matter how much I drink..... all I want is more. I lose all concern for my well-being or how I'll feel the next day.
It will only get worse over time (as lots of us can attest to). I'm so glad you're here and wanting to make a change. Believe me, you're certainly not alone in this!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
That is a hell of a lot of alcohol. I am so glad you have recognised the seriousness of the problem, good for you.
I am new to recovery, 90days today actually. I use the 12 step program, this forum (invaluable) and this website 12 Step Programs - Get The Real Story!
Do whatever it takes to stay sober. Please keep coming back.
CaiHong
I am new to recovery, 90days today actually. I use the 12 step program, this forum (invaluable) and this website 12 Step Programs - Get The Real Story!
Do whatever it takes to stay sober. Please keep coming back.
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Uk
Posts: 66
HI Butterfly man,
'My personality changes wildly.'
'I blank out alot. Often I've said/done things and had no recollection of them. The binges are always followed by 2 to 3 days of severe depression,' (sorry, was unable to work the quote option - I'll suss it at some point)
This forum is really helpful - i only joined yesterday evening and haven't logged out for more than half an hour! There are so many stories and feelings out there.... and i find myself being able to relate with at least one or two aspects in each. Try to stay strong - and think of how you feel after the fact.... it's really not worth it.
This is the first time im using a forum also the first time I've admitted my problem - even though it brings me to tears and hurts, it feels good to admit it and say it out loud (well, type it) and they have a help step (wrong term im sure) in here called the CBA 'Cost benefit analysis' and you basically write it all down - how its made you feel; what its caused; others it has effected; why do you rely on it... then you list the benefits of stopping. Its an eye opener and you need to be brutally truthful.
putting it down in black and white helped me. Maybe another member will be able to guide you to where you can locate it, as i came across it by chance! Having difficulty navigating around but will get to grips with it in time.
Do stick around for the support, and stay strong
'My personality changes wildly.'
'I blank out alot. Often I've said/done things and had no recollection of them. The binges are always followed by 2 to 3 days of severe depression,' (sorry, was unable to work the quote option - I'll suss it at some point)
This forum is really helpful - i only joined yesterday evening and haven't logged out for more than half an hour! There are so many stories and feelings out there.... and i find myself being able to relate with at least one or two aspects in each. Try to stay strong - and think of how you feel after the fact.... it's really not worth it.
This is the first time im using a forum also the first time I've admitted my problem - even though it brings me to tears and hurts, it feels good to admit it and say it out loud (well, type it) and they have a help step (wrong term im sure) in here called the CBA 'Cost benefit analysis' and you basically write it all down - how its made you feel; what its caused; others it has effected; why do you rely on it... then you list the benefits of stopping. Its an eye opener and you need to be brutally truthful.
putting it down in black and white helped me. Maybe another member will be able to guide you to where you can locate it, as i came across it by chance! Having difficulty navigating around but will get to grips with it in time.
Do stick around for the support, and stay strong
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