womaninprogress

Saw my xabf out this weekend, with his new "woman". First time I've seen him in a month. It was in a bar.......him and her looked like they were in "our bubble".......the bubble we used to share when we loved eachother...or when I was his cumpulshion for the moment. It hurt. Still does. They left as soon as I got there. Which that hurt too, after two years together he couldn't even say hello or how are you? Treated me like a complete stranger.

I know I did the right thing kicking him out a month ago. I know I am a good woman. I know I shouldn't feel hurt that two weeks ago he was proclaiming undying love for me. I shouldn't hurt, I shouldn't feel sad, I shouldn't give a ****. I'll get there. I just have so much going on in my head. I want to come from a place of peace and wish him happieness, which I do, I just want that happieness for myself too. Seems so unfair I feel I have so much work to do on me because of my co-dependant issues, yet he goes about merrily without a care in the world. I know I'll be better for it in the long run.

Sorry, just having a pity party.

lillamy

I wouldn't suggest that you spend a lot of time worrying about him -- but since you ran into him, consider this: How much "love" is there in that bubble with that new woman, given that he was living with you just a month ago?

He found someone new to enable him, that's all. Thank God it's not you, right? Because you've been there, and it made you miserable. And you are doing the adult thing and taking responsibility for yourself, your life, and your happiness. He's doing what addicts do: Find someone else who will take responsibility for him so he doesn't have to be bothered.

womaninprogress

Thank you lillamy for your reply. My logical mind knows all that, but it still hurt me to my soul.

It's so messed up. I KNOW as an active alcoholic, he is INCAPABLE of loving anyone, yet I so desperately wanted to believe he loved me.

I guess it's all part of the process........I have to "go threw" it. Some days it's alot easier then others though.

Freedom1990

I felt exactly the same way when I left my EXAH. It is painful, no matter what the circumstances.

Mine ended up hooking up with and marrying an older woman with half grown kids (he was 27 when I left him), and he adopted her kids.

What none of us knew at the time was he was HIV positive.

His wife got to bury him a few years ago at the tender age of 47, complications due to AIDS.

I never quit praying for him, and I did eventually come to a place of peace in my heart and mind.

Sending you hugs of support!

womaninprogress

(What none of us knew at the time was he was HIV positive.)

WOW. That hit home. I made an apt to get screened for STD's this week. Probably gonna cost a fortune cause I have no insurance. But I finally decided that he wasn't truthful about ANYTHING else, WHY would I believe he was truthful about being faithful all those nights he didn't come home.

Wish me luck!

Freedom1990

Wishing you negative results on everything, hon. I never would have known about my EXAH, but he had the decency to call me about 9 years later and let me know he was in the clinical stages of AIDS, and he wanted to know if I had been tested, which I had when I was pregnant with my youngest daughter (a year after I left him).

Please keep us updated, okay?

womaninprogress

Thank you all for kind words of support. So so so sad and sorry any of us have to deal with this.

lillamy

Hey, go to Planned Parenthood. They'll do your testing on a sliding scale. A friend of mine whose husband cheated on her went there -- she couldn't handle facing her regular doctor.

Getting tested for STDs was something I did the first week after I left, too. Even if it costs you a good amount, you deserve certainty there.

womaninprogress

We don't have planned parenthood here.But thank you for the suggestion. My apt is at a clinic that is based on your income. Just another inconvience, expense, worry, bull*hit......

Ok, I'm off this negative train for the day. God heal my heart, mind, and soul. Amen.

Jadmack25

Sounds like a few reasons for thanking God or your HP that this walking stick of dynamite is out of your life, instead of being sorry he isn't still with you.

He may look all cool and lovey dovey with the new GF but,...it is in the early days with her and he is still working on her to keep her sucked in as his new enabler.

I would be so very cynical about the depth of his "love" for anyone, as you know how you still feel about him now, yet he's into the new love straight away.

Love, smove.....it is his safety blanket he wants and she is it ....for now.

lillamy

Well sh*te. :sigh
It's worth the money, though. The peace of mind. It really is.

womaninprogress

YAY! I'm clean!

breakingglass

that's terrific! good for you!!
i know how you feel about the bf being with someone else so soon acting all in love and treating you like a stanger. its such an uncomfortable feeling. but you are better off without him. you were unhappy in that situation. you should just keep telling yourself that you feel sorry for the other woman!