melan71

Hi...Im not sure where to start and my internet searching led me here. Within the last 6 months I have reconnected with an old friend. In the early part of our reconnecting we spent alot of time talking about our lives. there's was a lot of honesty and open communication. He told me about years of alcohol abuse, as well as drug addiction which ultimately led to incarceration. At the time our relationship started he had been clean and sober for 2 years. During that time he was often speaking very fondly of his sponsor(s) as well as sponsee(s). He was adament about getting to meetings. Lately I have been witnessing changes in his behavior and it all came to light last night. He is an entertainer and while on the job in a club, where most of his work is, I watched him ask the bartender for a drink consisting of coke and "something clear" I am assuming vodka. I watched him sip on it for a while but then watched as he ordered it at least one more time..possibly twice. At the end of the night when we were alone I asked him about it. He laughed, I'm sure he knew it would be coming up, he then proceeded to say that I was making a big deal over nothing. That he could handle that. I asked about recent meetings, and he stated it had been a while. Then said he was feeling that aa wasnt for him anymore. He felt like a hypocrite but still feels he could help others but can't right now cause how can he tell one not to drink when he isn't willing to give it up himself. He says it's only been a week but I'm guessing it goes back to when I first started noticing changes. I love him and want to help him. I didnt know what to say. All I managed was "Im here for you and I am afraid one day you're really going to need me and I want you to know I am here. Promise to talk to me if it get out of hand." Any advice here would be great.....Do I offer to go to a meeting with him? Is there anything I can do???

Dee74

Hi Melan

Welcome - you'll find a lot of support here

I think what you said was good - but it sounds like your bf might be dabbling on the dark side again...I hope he sees sense soon but I'm not sure there's anything ,much you can 'do' to help the process along, besides offering support...I wouldn't offer to go to meetings with someone tho - not unless they asked me to.

We have a Family and Friends forum here you might be interested in.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I think it's important to realise that there is actually quite a lot you can do for yourself in all of this, and you'll also find a lot of support down in FF

D

sugarbear1

Focus on you. Alcohol wants me dead yet I choose to live. 90 days sober after sliding down, down, down a dangerous sliding board of drinking for 25 years or half my life.

Get another hobby to focus on. He has to want to be sober. Try alanon (also found online-chat, forums, speakers). Peace.

TiffanyWesley

I agree with sugarbear alanon sounds like a good idea and you can't force anyone to get sober that is a decision he has to make on his own, but if he's been to AA he can't drink and be happy he knows that it's wrong and he will hopefully find his way back to the rooms before it's to late all you can do for him is Pray and Alanon

sugarbear1

I fought aa for 25 years. Lost everything, still drank. I had to be emotionally empty to surrender. My story, I can't guess what he's thinking.

Focus on you.