MTSlideAddict

My alcoholic husband is currently making some life changes after a bad binge episode. During his binge, he went around in his normal anger tirade and then fell into a depression. He ended up taking a knife to his wrist. We took him to the hospital and placed him under suicide watch. Then, he was transferred to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation and detox where he saw a social worker, councilor, and psychologist. He agreed to treatment, and he is currently doing well in an outpatient rehab program. He is also decided to change careers completely, and has started classes in the real estate industry.

I had met with him and his social worker before he was released from the psychiatric hospital, and basically we came to the conclusion that I would give him one more chance to maintain a sober lifestyle or I would leave. I told him how I had sought a lawyer to leave prior to him getting help just so he knows that I have been and still am serious. The social worker had informed me that this would be important, so that he realizes how bad the relationship had gotten and that I wouldn’t tolerate it anymore

My problem is how firm do boundaries need to be? I think I am capable of leaving if I had to. I had been told by someone that eighty percent of alcoholics relapse before quitting completely. If there would be a relapse, Is this when I would hold my ground and leave? What if the relapse happens in ten years?

I sure hope there isn't a relapse, but I guess I always struggle with the what if's. Now I do have to admit, I have not been to any Al-Anon meetings yet. I do intend to, and have really been wanting to, but have not yet had the opportunity. I am not making excuses, believe me, but I have picked up some extra hours at work and haven't been able to arrange my schedule to attend. I have, however, been listening to podcasts on the Al-Anon website any chance that I get, and have read these forums on nearly a daily schedule. They have all helped tremendously just to try to make sense out of my situation, and to gain support.

Any advice on how to stay firm and supportive?

LifeRecovery

I have had to learn that when I set a boundary it is for me and about me only. I cannot "expect" any behavior on the others person's part.

With that said what does a sober lifestyle mean to you? For me I would have to define that by me, for me and then I would be able to answer the other questions that you posed. I would have to follow that answer for myself.

I just finished step one and with that I had to write a "control" list. The things I could control (not very much) and the things I could not (just the big things). I don't know if it makes sense but that has helped me to define boundaries a little better for myself.

MTSlideAddict

LifeRecovery, I wanted to thank you for your comment. I pondered this one a bit and tried to understand how this correlated with my boundary issue, and how I perceive my situation. It really did make me think. The whole issue of whether or not to stay at home with my husband is based upon his sobriety. Thus, he and/or the alcohol is controlling the situation and my overall happiness, not me. I need to focus on what I want for myself, and what I need to do to achieve the lifestyle I want for myself. I realize that I really need to focus on the “here and the now” not the “what ifs.”

Wow… this is much harder than it seems. I didn’t even realize how I had lost focus of myself.

LifeRecovery

I have had to cling to a couple of sayings from Al-Anon/AA during the last year.

The first is a lot of these idea/principles are simple, but that does not make them easy.

The second is that I get to take what I like and leave the rest...my problme is that I don't always know what I like.

Finally I am starting to understand that I am "stuck" right where I am supposed to be...to learn what I need to learn.