SomethingBetter

I’ve been really struggling with life since I quit drinking nearly 6 months ago and often I wonder if things would be better if I still drank or at least had a few beers when I was stressed out, I am not going to drink, I am not going to drink, I am not going to drink at least this is what I keep telling myself.

Things pile up like bills, work schedule etc… and I can never make it work out like I want it to, when I used to drink things were so much better in those aspects, in the since that if the bills were late who cares I’ll catch up later, and I always would too, or if I couldn’t get to all the work I had planned that week I’d call the customers after a few drinks and explain, no problem, I really didn’t care much if they told me they’d get someone else to do the job but they never did, I had a silver tongue while I was drinking because I knew when to stop talking to customers, there were certain rules I never disobeyed when it came to business and I never drank at work and never was ‘drunk’ when on the phone with them.

My problem was after work when I didn’t stop drinking, every night, routine… I was Drunk.

I’ve always been a big drinker, but about 15 years ago when I started my business I really started to drink lots and lots, and now 6 months later after being sober this long I am really starting to wonder if being sober is hurting my business, I’ve already ran off my only employee because I am too ‘uptight’ these days, I’m lost and I had it so well before my decision to stop drinking.

On the other hand my drinking was killing me, my marriage and my relationship with my children, my business actually did suffer because I’d sleep late when I got really smashed which was getting to be a daily thing and I’d spend a nice car payment on booze.

So why am I so confused? Deep down I know drinking will not bring back success, and that life is better sober than it was drinking, but sometimes I feel like I am on Seinfeld, you know the ‘Contest’, where they all bet to see who would last the longest not masturbating lol, I can’t take it much longer, but then again it’s more like seeing who can hold their breath the longest in a room filled with poison, your screwed either way but at least holding my breath I’ll live longer and just maybe the smoke will clear, Living Sober Sucks, but living drunk sucks more.

I am actually reading a book called Living Sober Sucks (but living drunk sucks more) by Mark A. Tuschel, it’s pretty good so far.

Overall, my life is much better now that alcohol is not part of it... but life has obstacles that I didn’t see before…

Thanks for listing or reading my rant, it does feel good to get it out

MycoolFitz

We alcoholics create our own reality. Life seemed pretty good to me drunk because I really wasn't in it. There can be a lot of hard things in day to day living for anyone. Sobriety just allows that reality to surface. None of the tough stuff goes away with the bottle, we're just to numbed out to know or care. Thing is its always there in spades waiting. Your almost six months is awesome. Listen to those deep down feelings, they're the ones that have been muted by the dis-ease. Over time (who knows how long) and with effort things like life tend to right themselves.

Dee74

You sound like newly sober me

I'd 'dealt' with stuff for so long by drinking, that not drinking seemed to make even the little thing immense.

Then I realised one thing I did have right as a drunk was that I didn't sweat the small stuff (I sweated on a lot of other things, but that's another matter).

I found I really didn't enjoy life much until I let go of a lot of stuff SB.

So I looked at the areas that stressed me, those things that still hit those old response buttons.

I try to pay my bills on time now, but if I can't I make sure my creditors know that, and I make a plan with them...if I'm going to be late on a work deadline, again I let the client know....

If I feel stressed I have a variety of things I can do...I enjoy meditation now, and breathing exercises, I like physical exercise too. I also thing it's very important to make as much time for play as we do for work...I strive for balance.

I have a whole list of things to go to now...not just one like I used to.

I really enjoy my life and I like who I am, and thats probably why I never have that gnawing urge for release or escape anymore.

It took time - but it was worth it.

Don't give up now SB...just think laterally a little...think about what makes you feel like drinking and look at other ways to deal with those situations

D

eJoshua

Sounds like you started drinking because you were stressed. Now you stopped drinking, but the stress hasn't gone away.

Not sure if you're working an organized program of any type, but even if you aren't it would be wise to look into ways to alleviate your stress and deal with life on its own terms.

Don't listen to the crazy thoughts that tell you to drink -- we all get those, but just like any other thoughts, they pass.

SomethingBetter

All good advice thank you all, the stress and the depression are things I really need to focus on and start dealing with and I know this, it’s time I stopped putting it off, truth is I hadn’t worked since last Wednesday, huge depression staying in bed all day, I posted about an argument I had last month with a friend, well that argument led him to find another job and it’s been pretty lonely since, it’s been really hard admitting that to anyone, I guess that’s the biggest reason for my hardships lately.

I’ll hang in there, my thoughts are not my actions and I feel a lot better today and yesterday than I have in a while, hence my new smiley avatar.

You know I just remembered something, I was in a bad mood yesterday morning and I was watching something funny on YouTube (yes Seinfeld) and I was smiling, my wife was watching me from behind and said to me later that I looked happy. Ya know what, I feel happy…

raindancer11

You know I did the same thing today. I was really stressed about the coming week and decided to watch some comedy. It made me happy.

The great thing about being sober is that I am in a better position to see the situation as it really is versus adding all the blame, guilt, self-pity etc... I am better about not fueling the negative feelings but instead accepting them when they come. They visit for a short time and are replaced with something better, usually.

It's funny, I drank to numb feelings and just ended up making myself feel worse. Now, that I'm sober, I look forward to seeing the unvarnished truth as uncomfortable as it might be because it gives me a kind of peace.

johndelko408

What you're going through is common in early sobriety. We tend to forget how bad it got for us drinking and we get tempted to return to our old lifestyle. But you said it yourself that your family life started to get negatively affected by your drinking. One thing I learned in early sobriety is that my life wasn't going to get better over night just like I didn't become an alcoholic over night; it takes time. The whole feeling like life sucks is normal right now, sobriety is alien to you still. It takes time for us to get accustomed to being sober. But no worries, it gets better. Things seem to just fall into place, but like I said it takes time. Be patient and take it easy.

Boleo

Same here. Alcohol only made it "seem like" my life was better because it allowed me to sweep all my problems under the rug and then forget about the rug. Now that I am sober I have to walk on that lumpy rug or deal with the dirt.

Sobriety really does suck until I deal with that dirt.

saphira

This might sound strange, but what I found in sobriety (and am still finding) is that the smaller things (bills, creditors, etc.) stress me out more now that I'm sober and the bigger things (depression, anxiety, etc.) much less so. I would ALWAYS pay bills and do that sort of thing after a couple of drinks. I would make sure I wasn't drunk yet, but it definitely made me not care as much. If I didn't have enough money for one-- no worries, I'd figure it out. Now that I'm sober it's harder for me to deal with those types of stress. On the other hand, I have had depression/anxiety for almost all of my life...thought it was unbearable, so I dove into the drinking. You know what's funny? Yesterday I was feeling very depressed... just sort of that vacant "checked out" feeling where your eyes lose their focus easily. After the better part of the day, I finally recognized it as the way my depression felt before I began drinking, and the strange part was that it didn't seem hard to deal with at all! I've been dancing the drunk depression tango for so long that now that the alcohol is gone, the depression part doesn't seem as overwhelming as it used to. Might sound weird, but that's what I'm finding. I'm finding that everything is better when sober.

Reset

After I quit drinking I got a wave of depression and anxiety symptoms and figured out after a few months that I had been using alcohol to bury those symptoms. If you're feeling these things it might be worth getting checked out by a doctor. That helped me a lot.

Otherwise, what you're experiencing might be called "life." Alcohol made me numb to too many parts of life, good and bad, and I'm glad that I can experience the highs and lows instead of just feeling low 100% of the time.