BecomingMe

Whew! After a couple of weeks decompression after exAH left the scene to head out west (to his parent's for a bit then elsewhere to work) I am feeling great! Been working on myself, getting my life together and taking it really easy on myself. The trick of remembering that some days are going to be hard and some days will be good has helped enormously. I guess I thought that him leaving was going to be a pivotal point and I would instantly feel better -- it took a little while for that to kick in! But I kept telling myself that it was okay to feel blue, and that some days were just going to be hard. Period. It stopped me from going headlong into self pity or self condemnation. I did have to talk to him once when he called (against my explicit wishes) but I just said that the same thing I had: I do not want to talk. I do not want him to call. He will not talk to our son for now and until he has done some serious committed recovery work b/c it's too upsetting for the boy otherwise (he's only three). I tried really hard to not make it an ultimatum, just a point that we are not communicating while he is still active in alcoholic behaviour.

His mom called tonight to tell me that he is currently in detox and has signed up for counselling and antibuse. She wanted to know if I would arrange a phone call between the ex and our son. It was like I could look on objectively and see how easy it would have been for me to only think of the A's feelings, and cave into his desires/demands. I am very proud to say that I told her I would not be comfortable at this point in opening any communication. It's just not there yet, too too soon. Everything kind of came together today for me: great time at work this week in my new career path, a great day with my little boy, and a good job remembering to put my comfort and my son's peace of mind before the A's "needs."

Thanks everyone -- really glad to have a place to share the heartache and the triumphs!

firedancer76

I'm really glad you're doing so well! My relationship with my AB ended about one month ago, and like you I have my good days and my not so good days. At first it was decompressing like you said, and then things started to get better. I have a full time job now, and am without the constant anxiety that was present when I was under the same roof as him. Do I have weak days? Absolutely! Moments when I break down and cry? Sure! Am I better able to cope with these harder times than I was before I began Al-anon a few months ago? DEFINITELY! I know that whatever the feeling, however bad the day, it is only for that one moment....one day at a time. Congratulations for putting you and your son first, as it should be!

TakingCharge999

BecomingMe, firedancer, (love the nicknames BTW) I am so glad we are working on this recovery journey together.

I have been away from addicts for almost 3 years now, it has been a rollercoaster, but overall I feel much more prepared to deal with whatever bugs me. Before, I was emotionally drained, felt weak, had many illnesses. Today any pain or worry seems so much less than what I faced before. I am more aware of my reality now, I feel brave, I feel capable, I am starting to feel like opening my heart and sharing more of me with people I am starting to trust. This is priceless.

Today I enjoy the present moment very much. There are always issues, misunderstandings, stressors, health issues but you know what? I am just incredibly GRATEFUL to be alive. Gratitude has been a huge healer for me lately (and its free!!)

My sister gave me a present from Vietnam, it has a lotus flower drawing and it says "Nothing is worth more than independence and freedom".