peaches28

So, my RAH has about 28 days sober at this point. I love my husband very much, but at the same time, I feel like something in me broke during his last binge. I have a lot of resentment towards him for what he has put me through, and also because in the two years we have been married, he has hardly contributed financially at all. I know he loves me, but at the same time I feel used. Here in the last two weeks I've found myself wishing he would relapse again, so that I would have a valid excuse to call it quits. How messed up is that? Being co-dependent, I do not like conflict. I'll do whatever it takes to keep some peace in my life. And I don't know right now if that's why I'm so scared to talk with him about what I'm feeling, or if I really do still want to be with him. But, I feel like I'm living in limbo, and I don't feel like it's fair to keep him thinking that everything is okay. Is it? I don't want to make a decision I might end up regretting, but everyday it seems like the resentment grows. Should I just continue to work on me, and not make any decisions right now? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

cheekie

"Should I just continue to work on me, and not make any decisions right now? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!"

YEP-that's my vote!

C

outtolunch

You caught him shooting coke in your kids 's bathroom, your kids' bathroom. What if one of the kids had made the discovery or found the needle?

Chances are you don't really know this guy or if he's ever been sober. He's manipulating you and the situation.

What's fair got to do with this? We codependents often use " fair" to rationalize our own goofy behaviors.

Put your own recovery from codependency and children, first. The rest will follow.

peaches28

It's hard, because when it's bad, it's really bad, and when it's good, it's really good.
outtolunch, thanks for reminding just how bad it was. I should've just ended it at that point.
We talked about his recovery one night, and he concluded that since he was a teenager, his longest stretch of 'clean time' was 18 months. How sad to live your whole life struggling with addiction. He's got so much potential that is being wasted.

Freedom1990

You have the right to end it at any point.

Personally I don't carry dead weight in my home. My finances take care of me and only me.

What do you want your future to look like?

Don't base it on his potential. I did that for 5 hellish years.

dollydo

What happened to his 5 years of soberity? Now, it's 18 months...so, he lied to you?

I do not know what his potential is, how long has it been since he last worked? Do you want to support him for the rest of your life?

If you do not want to continue the relationship, then don't. It is your life, no reason to stay in a bad marriage.

peaches28

Well, when I first met him he told me it had been 5 years, but now I know that he had had a brief relapse in that time period. He has his own flooring business, and his last job was about 3 weeks ago. He does work when jobs come up, but sometimes a couple of months go by with none at all. It just makes me mad that I work full time, and he basically has a life of leisure. I wish I could work up the courage to cut my ties with him.
I have an appointment with my therapist next week, so maybe with her help and ya'lls I'll get there. Right now I'm the little train saying "I think I can, I think I can"! I did open up a separate bank account about a month ago, so that has helped. Baby steps.....