alchy

Hi All. Just yapping here. June 12 quit date, not sure how many days. Been doing good but obviously the usual and expected challenges etc. Been around alcohol a few times and did good but it is hard. Having my parents over tomorrow and they are bringing wine. I am ok with it, but it is hard. I have the problem, not them. They don't quite understand and my dad even went as far as to say I am not an alcoholic because I quit so "easy". I'm not sure where he gets this from because we have hardly talked about it and he has no idea how much I was drinking, nor how hard it was/still is at all.
Anyway, I am used to having alchohol in the house. Never got rid of it after quitting and have never been tempted to drink it because I know what it means. Going back to daily drunk and I don't want that.
I still get the odd feelings of, "hmmm, maybe I CAN drink again", but I know I can't, even as I am thinking this. And that still makes me sad.
Anyway, kind of worried about how much it will bother me to have my wife and parents drinking in front of me. I know it will, and I know I won't drink. I kind of look at it as "training" for the future when I am with others that I can't tell not to drink in front of me etc.
Is it dumb to do it this way and not tell them not to drink? Or will it just 'make me stronger', when I don't? In the past few times, it is harder right at the start but then as the night goes on my anxiety about it fades.

But, thanks for anyone that bothers to read this. More just tryping stuff out. Just kind of hard because I used to drink a lot when our family got together. I'm the only alchy in the immediate family.

MycoolFitz

Thanks for the post. A couple of things, family and close friends rarely want to believe one is an alcoholic, its not a nice dis-ease. Also you may want to deep six the booze you keep in the house. I once kept some nice bottles of wine around for 5 months, so proud of my resolve to not drink them--until I did. As to the folks bringing wine, mine did to. I just had to keep in mind they weren't me and I wasn't them. If you find it does bother you, be honest with them, they'll probably understand and be supportive, if not the wine's more important then your feelings and that's their issue. Anyhow, all the best, stay strong.

yogaisland

Hey alchy,

My dad ran a bar for 5 years and so being there was the only way I could spend any time with him. Didn't start out with a drinking problem but developed one along the way. Not blaming the bar and definitely not my dad for my drinking problem, I did that myself! But anyway, I was honest with him a couple months ago that I had a drinking problem when I finally confessed about the problems my husband and I were having. Because I did not want him to think it was all my husband's fault. He took it very well but in a way I don't think he took it seriously. My mother was an alcoholic but it was sort of ignored until she finally overdosed and died at 47. So I can't really get why he doesn't understand that I too could be an alcoholic, but whatever.

Anyway, I have not asked anyone close to me not to drink in my presence. I think that if I was a "worse" alcoholic I would need to, but where I am mentally, I do not need to. I quit for ME, because I was sick of being gross. If I had quit because I had to, because others made me, and I still wanted desperately to drink, then it would be impossible to be around people who were drinking. But I'm sort of "meh" about alcohol as it is. Don't really care about it - don't feel rabid and hateful of it where I want to slap the wine glass out of someone's hand, but don't want any myself because I know how it ruins me. But I can understand how hard it would be for someone who desperately wanted a drink.

So just listen to yourself while your family is over. If seeing them enjoying alcohol gets to be too much for you, and you feel tempted to imbibe too, take a step back, leave the room if necessary. DO NOT DRINK. Be strong and good luck!

Dee74

Hi alchy

Well...my house is a booze free zone, and people either respect that or they don't visit me.

Sure it's not their problem, it's mine - but I figure I have the right to have my house the way I want it...and both my partner and I prefer to socialise with sober people.

Personally I don't think exposure to others drinking makes me stronger - what makes me stronger is the work I do on my recovery.

I want to be sober.
I love my life and I know I won't get to keep it if I drink.

That's the best motivation there is

what else have you been doing besides not drinking, alchy?
D

Anna

Yeah, like Dee, no alcohol in this house ever and it's been that way for years. If people come here, they respect that. It's never been a problem.

And, I know that if I had kept alcohol in the house, there would likely have been a night, about 2 or 3 in the morning when I couldn't sleep and felt dark, and I would have reached for it. This way, it's never an issue.

alchy

Thanks for the fast helpful replies as usual.
Yeah, Ive had alcohol in the house ever since I've quit. But as mentioned, that in itself doesn't bother me much at all. I decided myself not to drink because I am sick of it. I know damn well, one drink isn't what I want. I know if I had one sip, it'd be an all night binge and I don't want that. I've literally never once been tempted despite having drank 10-12 beers minimum each evening for 4 years before that. Often half a 26 of rum as well.
But, seeing other drink does bother me to some degree. I know I COULD tell them not to drink and they wouldn't. But that is kind of my safety of getting used to being around family that drinks before others drinking that I can't control. At least now I know I can always say I am not comfortable with it around them. That is my reasoning for 'allowing' it. I've gotten through it before, and maybe it'll be easier this time. Or maybe I'll tell them I don't want it in my house. Have to think about it more.

But, what I am doing other than not drinking, is mostly just not drinking. I mean, I have jumped right back into weight training with a vengence. Which was always a passion of mine before I drank. Even tried to keep it up a bit while drinking. But, daily hangovers and the urge to drink when I got home instead of work out took precidence. And if I did work out, 14 beers followed. So yeah, no real plan or program, just changed a horribly bad addiction/obsession for an old love and obsession with working out again to get my life, health and hopefully some happiness back eventually. So far so good and I've already packed on some muscle and lost 15 lbs and am quite proud of where I am today as opposed to 2 months ago.

Thanks again for the replies. Just having your responses and opinions helps a lot. And just knowing the people of this board are here.

I will probably talk about it some more to my parents tomorrow. I'm sure it'll go ok. I just want them to understand. My mom already said she is proud of her little 37 year old for recognising and acting on my drinking problem. :p

MycoolFitz

So why keep the alcohol in your house since you're not going to drink it? Just asking politely.

alchy

Well, my wife still drinks. Although 1-2 drinks if that a week and only one in front of me so far which I encouraged her to have if she wanted. She hates having a drink in front of me now and feels guilty. But 5 bottles of wine and a bottle of rum are hers and I don't see the point in making her dump them if it hasn't bothered me the past two months. No reason she can't have a drink if her girlfriends come over.
The case of beer I was working on on my last day resides tucked in the basement closet where I put it the day I quit. 5 in the fridge I put back that same night after reading about detox difficulties on here after joining and figured if I started dts I had them. Still there. Guess I can take them out now.

yogaisland

Just an idea - if she doesn't drink all that much, it might be better to not keep the alcohol in the house at all. Or get those little single serve bottles of wine. If she wants to drink with friends, they would probably bring over their own stuff and so there is no reason to stock for them too. Of course this is after me saying I'm comfortable with alcohol in my house (we actually have a fully stocked bar but it does not even interest me - my poison of choice was white zinfandel and champagne.) My husband still drinks 1-2 drinks about 4-5 days a week and is able to enjoy that amount and stop there. Wish I could be like that, but I am simply not, so it is what it is!

NoFireWater

It's hard to break a habit that you associate with happy occasions like family get-togethers and I'm sure times like that will be the hardest to stick to your resolutions. I want to quit without changing all my friends, places I go, etc so I can relate to your trying to figure out the best way to approach this. Your family sounds supportive, so I think they'll be fine with however you decide to handle it.

alchy

Thanks again for all the help and replies.

To update. My parents just left. They decided not to bring wine. Whew.
The night seemed riddled with mention of alcohol though, even though my parents hardly drink. I could tell that they still didn't quite understand what I am going through or the extent of my drinking.
So, I bought it up and we began a two hour long conversation about my drinking. I think they are very shocked at how much I was drinking and how bad it was. But that is good. They are supportive and I think they have an understanding of it now. I knew they would be, but I had to just find the time and way to discuss it. It was kind of emotional for me to admit to them what all had been going on but I had to do it. I NEEDED them to understand and they do. So all is good. I'm so glad we talked about it. Kind of tired emotionally and physically now though.
Even if they do drink in front of me now, it won't be so bad because I know they understand and support me and that alcoholism isn't some silly 'fad' I am into. Which is how I felt they thought of it before tonight.

THANKS ALL!!

725bygrace

IMO you handled the situation perfectly - being prepared whichever way the tide turned. I will be dealing with the same thing this weekend - thanks for the food for thought. It has me thinking about what I will do or say.
:o)

jen7916

Glad things turned out well for you tonight

artsoul

It's not fun, but it's such a relief at the same time, to admit our problem to the people we love. My parents were always there for me and now that I'm a parent, I know there's nothing my children could do that would make me love them less.

Give yourself a pat on the back!

DisplacedGRITS

You sound pretty confident but still concerned. My immediate family removes booze from the house when I visit. My husband quit cold turkey and is starting to go to Al-anon. Many extended family is unaware and drinks around me but I get support and strength from those who know abstaining. Maybe in a few years they'll feel confident in my recovery enough but they respect my disease. To me, it's like blowing smoke in the face of someone who has asthma. My husband said he'll never drink again because my life and health are too dear to him.

Everyone's situation is different but I personally couldn't stay sober for a long time without that kind of support.

IndaMiricale

That is great that you got to talk about the truth.

Glad everything went well.

The only thing i was going to say to you before i got to the part that dinner was over was,

if you were deciding to "test" yourself i would of recommended to do it at some one elses house were you could leave if you felt uncomfortable.

And for the booze in the house i would get rid of it, you keep sayin you have no desire for it but the truth of the matter is you have only quit for 50 days. not even to months out of how many years of drinking to where it got you to realize you had to stop.

Just sayin your in very early stages why have something around that could hinder great progress.

Best wishes to you and your family