Deja Vu
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: hillsville
Posts: 49
Deja Vu
So here I am again....the definition of insantiy personified. Those who have been around a while probably recall the foot surgery I had in Feb. 2010 when my AH had relapsed and ended up in rehab whilst I was home high and dry with the kids and not able to get out of bed. What a nightmare. I suppose that in comparison this one doesn't seem so bad lol.
I'm 40 with a 16 y/o and 5 y/o at home. I've had trouble with my tonsils since I was a child and they should have removed them then, they didn't. They have been chronically infected since March with no improvement regardless of countless antibiotics, thrush and yeast infections. Reached a point where they were so large I couldn't take maintenance medications. ENT told me last week they had to come out asap. Had the proceedure Tuesday. I don't know how many have personal knowledge of this surgery on a person over a 25 but it's a whooole nother ball game than a child tonsillectomy. I'm in misery.
The husband was suppose to be in recovery since that Feb 10 operation but as I have finally come to accept...he has not. I always wondered if the use of marijuana disqualified the status, I now believe it does, but his repeated use of pain killers has finally happened so many times with so many excuses that I can no longer turn a blind eye. I always wondered, did he really need them this time? He has a history of this or that and those are painful, etc. In the last year we've been through 2 IVP CT scans that turned up no sign of kidneystones but since he had a 'history' the ER docs gave him pills anyway (after all, he may have passed it on the way to the ER and still be in pain
), migraines, and tooth issues.
He had a lower front tooth pulled Wed (ironically the day after my surgery). He had been so 'busy' he hadn't been able to get to the dentist until a week prior when they perscribed antibiotics. He's been taking hydro since mid June prescribed by another dentist which he couldn't afford to go to for the actual pulling. The dentist who pulled the tooth did not give pain meds while he was on antibiotics nor at husbands request when the tooth was pulled. At this point AH was fresh out of pills....deja vu. So he apparently took a couple of my post op pills while I was in the bathroom and is also sneaking my liquid pain meds for the times I can't swallow a pill. Now, a few days later, he says 'dry socket'. Is it possible...of course, do I believe it...no. Same thing happened the last two dental proceedures he just got lucky and had a dentist that would perscribe them then.
So now he's being the jerk he always is when he's using or withdrawing from pills. He's not in as deep this time so the withdrawls aren't so severe but good golly Ms. Molly it's no fun feeling wretched and dealing with that too. Guess I am finally coming to realize that he's lying again and using again. I guess it's his choice, that and the weed too. Doesn't really matter though as even when he's sober he isn't a person I want to be with... a sober jerk. Next step is figuring out my next step lol. Oh well, live and learn I guess.
I'm 40 with a 16 y/o and 5 y/o at home. I've had trouble with my tonsils since I was a child and they should have removed them then, they didn't. They have been chronically infected since March with no improvement regardless of countless antibiotics, thrush and yeast infections. Reached a point where they were so large I couldn't take maintenance medications. ENT told me last week they had to come out asap. Had the proceedure Tuesday. I don't know how many have personal knowledge of this surgery on a person over a 25 but it's a whooole nother ball game than a child tonsillectomy. I'm in misery.
The husband was suppose to be in recovery since that Feb 10 operation but as I have finally come to accept...he has not. I always wondered if the use of marijuana disqualified the status, I now believe it does, but his repeated use of pain killers has finally happened so many times with so many excuses that I can no longer turn a blind eye. I always wondered, did he really need them this time? He has a history of this or that and those are painful, etc. In the last year we've been through 2 IVP CT scans that turned up no sign of kidneystones but since he had a 'history' the ER docs gave him pills anyway (after all, he may have passed it on the way to the ER and still be in pain
), migraines, and tooth issues. He had a lower front tooth pulled Wed (ironically the day after my surgery). He had been so 'busy' he hadn't been able to get to the dentist until a week prior when they perscribed antibiotics. He's been taking hydro since mid June prescribed by another dentist which he couldn't afford to go to for the actual pulling. The dentist who pulled the tooth did not give pain meds while he was on antibiotics nor at husbands request when the tooth was pulled. At this point AH was fresh out of pills....deja vu. So he apparently took a couple of my post op pills while I was in the bathroom and is also sneaking my liquid pain meds for the times I can't swallow a pill. Now, a few days later, he says 'dry socket'. Is it possible...of course, do I believe it...no. Same thing happened the last two dental proceedures he just got lucky and had a dentist that would perscribe them then.
So now he's being the jerk he always is when he's using or withdrawing from pills. He's not in as deep this time so the withdrawls aren't so severe but good golly Ms. Molly it's no fun feeling wretched and dealing with that too. Guess I am finally coming to realize that he's lying again and using again. I guess it's his choice, that and the weed too. Doesn't really matter though as even when he's sober he isn't a person I want to be with... a sober jerk. Next step is figuring out my next step lol. Oh well, live and learn I guess.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Exactly where my HP wants me to be
Posts: 136
First, I hope that you recuperate quickly from your procedure. Eat lots of yogurt & ice cream!
It certainly sounds like he has a problem, but what are you doing for yourself? Please take care of yourself, both physically and mentally.
It certainly sounds like he has a problem, but what are you doing for yourself? Please take care of yourself, both physically and mentally.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Sunny So Ca beach with a breeze
Posts: 75
So sorry. I would lock up your medicine! that can be very painful as an adult.
I hope that things are better for you and your children!!
I am not sure i understand about rehab. was he away and not going and you didnt know. It seems like boundries are needed. If possible notify his Dentist/Dr.
You need to stay healthy so you can take care of your kids!
I hope that things are better for you and your children!!
I am not sure i understand about rehab. was he away and not going and you didnt know. It seems like boundries are needed. If possible notify his Dentist/Dr.
You need to stay healthy so you can take care of your kids!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: hillsville
Posts: 49
Thank you all for the replies 
There was 2 feet of snow on up here and i had just had foot surgery requiring I stay in bed other than to go to the bathroom. He tells me he is hooked on the pills again ... bad....and he is out. He spoke with a nurse he trust at our local state funded behavioral health clinic. She told him to come in and talk to her where they promptly tdo'd him into the rehab clinic and he was gone for 6 days while I was here just post op, in the snow, with no help, with a 3 year old lol. Deja vu. Once again I have just had surgery and he is sneaking my pills and making up excuses to get pills anyway he can. Relatively speaking this time isn't as bad and I count my blessings for that.
I thought about calling the dentist but I've tried that before with previous doctors he was attempting to get pills from and they pretty much ignored it. Besides, I can't get em' all and frankly it's not my place to tell them, it's his decision. My decision is I don't want to continue to live like this.
It's been slow going to arrive at this decision as we basically grew up together. We started dating at my 9th grade prom and married when I graduated and turned 18. We have 3 girls together and have been married for 22 years. Hard to just throw it all away but I've realized that the only time I DO LIKE HIM....is when he's stoned lol. I know that sounds awful but it's true, the rest of the time it's like walking on eggshells around him. He is moody and hateful and crude. Thing is he's always been that way, it's not just the addiction. So, sober up a jerk and ya still got a jerk. The 2 older children have always wished him gone from the house. They have tried to get me to put him out for many years.
Anyway (sigh) it's been a difficult road and looks like it's about to get a little more difficult. I've never been alone and I've been afraid of that. At this point I realize that while I will get lonely, I welcome the possibility of relative peace and stablility in my home. Who knows....might just get to know who I am.
I am grateful to the folks on this forum. Those who were here for me a year and a half ago and those who are here for me now. I hope that to some degree I can repay the kindness.
There was 2 feet of snow on up here and i had just had foot surgery requiring I stay in bed other than to go to the bathroom. He tells me he is hooked on the pills again ... bad....and he is out. He spoke with a nurse he trust at our local state funded behavioral health clinic. She told him to come in and talk to her where they promptly tdo'd him into the rehab clinic and he was gone for 6 days while I was here just post op, in the snow, with no help, with a 3 year old lol. Deja vu. Once again I have just had surgery and he is sneaking my pills and making up excuses to get pills anyway he can. Relatively speaking this time isn't as bad and I count my blessings for that.
I thought about calling the dentist but I've tried that before with previous doctors he was attempting to get pills from and they pretty much ignored it. Besides, I can't get em' all and frankly it's not my place to tell them, it's his decision. My decision is I don't want to continue to live like this.
It's been slow going to arrive at this decision as we basically grew up together. We started dating at my 9th grade prom and married when I graduated and turned 18. We have 3 girls together and have been married for 22 years. Hard to just throw it all away but I've realized that the only time I DO LIKE HIM....is when he's stoned lol. I know that sounds awful but it's true, the rest of the time it's like walking on eggshells around him. He is moody and hateful and crude. Thing is he's always been that way, it's not just the addiction. So, sober up a jerk and ya still got a jerk. The 2 older children have always wished him gone from the house. They have tried to get me to put him out for many years.
Anyway (sigh) it's been a difficult road and looks like it's about to get a little more difficult. I've never been alone and I've been afraid of that. At this point I realize that while I will get lonely, I welcome the possibility of relative peace and stablility in my home. Who knows....might just get to know who I am.
I am grateful to the folks on this forum. Those who were here for me a year and a half ago and those who are here for me now. I hope that to some degree I can repay the kindness.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
When I divorced my ex 28 years ago, I had no doubt that my life would be better without him than if I stayed with him. Living with a miserable person is.......miserable.
Do whatever you need to do for yourself and your own sanity.
gentle hugs
ke
PS-and I hope you feel better soon!
Do whatever you need to do for yourself and your own sanity.
gentle hugs
ke
PS-and I hope you feel better soon!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by endangered 
he is sneaking my pills and making up excuses to get pills .....
it's like walking on eggshells around him.
He is moody and hateful and crude. Thing is he's always been that way, it's not just the addiction. So, sober up a jerk and ya still got a jerk. The 2 older children have always wished him gone from the house. They have tried to get me to put him out for many years.
I've never been alone and I've been afraid of that. At this point I realize that while I will get lonely, I welcome the possibility of relative peace and stablility in my home.
Being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. We are or can be our own best company.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
I love Kindeyes statement "being with a miserable person is miserable". That is so true. The worst sort of alone is when you are with someone and feel alone. Especially when you don't feel good.
I was in my 30's when I had my tonsils taken out. I remember living on banana popsicles for a solid month. For some reason they were the only things that helped with the discomfort. You'll end up being SO glad that you had them out though. I couldn't stay well when they were in - everytime I turned around I was getting sick. It really made a big difference in my health and I hope that you will find the same relief.
Once you feel better you can start figuring out what to do and if/when to do it. It's so difficult to make changes but in the long run, the pain of staying is worse.
I agree....lock that pain medication up - you definitely need it for you! Keep us posted on how you are doing.....sending you healing thoughts....
I was in my 30's when I had my tonsils taken out. I remember living on banana popsicles for a solid month. For some reason they were the only things that helped with the discomfort. You'll end up being SO glad that you had them out though. I couldn't stay well when they were in - everytime I turned around I was getting sick. It really made a big difference in my health and I hope that you will find the same relief.
Once you feel better you can start figuring out what to do and if/when to do it. It's so difficult to make changes but in the long run, the pain of staying is worse.
I agree....lock that pain medication up - you definitely need it for you! Keep us posted on how you are doing.....sending you healing thoughts....
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