AndreTT

Hello, this is one of my first few posts
Im 21-year old male trying to recover from depression and porn addiction. I also suspect that I have potential to become an alcoholic if Im not one already.
I have a big dilema that has been in my life for years, but now that Im really trying to recover and become a better person it is demanding an answer more than ever.
It is about my friends. I dont know if I should still see them or not.
Im having a very troubled relationship with the friends I still have. They have emotional problems, addictions, etc of their own. There is a lot of conflict between us. I dont like the way I feel or the things that happens when Im with them. I feel a lack of dignity. I feel like I dont have my own life.
Drinking is nearly the only thing we do together. It's hard to hang out them without drinking. Some of them also invite me to do other drugs, illegal drugs, something that is a disaster for me (I freak out).
I said I've had a dilemma for years because I have considered abandoning them in the past. Many times.
Since I was a kid I always hung around the 'bad crowd'.
Sometimes I think if I didnt have most of my friends I wouldnt have most of my problems and it would have spared me a lot of suffering.
I also know that my problems are of my own making. I shouldnt blame my friends.
I feel like an a**hole and the biggest hypocrite when I break contact with someone. But I wonder if it isnt it the exactly core of my disease (letting people do whatever they want with me)
Also, I have a pretty sick relationship with my family. If I quit seeing my friends I will spend a lot of time alone.
I am someone that is either too submissive to other people or that completely withdraws and revolts.

Im NOT asking for someone to give me an "answer" for my dilemma but I'd appreaciate if someone would share some thoughts or experience of his own recovery/life.

JennaRose

I'm in the same boat- I'm going through recovery and It's a daily struggle- I put myself into an outpatient rehab. Their biggest emphasis is on changing your "people, places and things" You need to change the people you hang around the, the places you go and the things you do. I thought this didn't apply to me because i went there on my own. I thought that I could "get better" without doing this. I was also scared to turn away from my friends, it felt unnatural. However, I have recently learned that it is exactly what I need to do. Its hard to accept but you do need to get away from your "friends." I also found that they can never understand the extent of my problem, even when I think that they do. That alone shows a problem because when people don't understand the problem they can't fully support what you are doing. So like I stated, it feels unnatural but I need to steer away from my "friends"

Anna

Hmm, I think you may find that setting personal boundaries will help you.

This is something I had no clue about, and I would either say too much to the wrong people, or I would not share with people who truly cared. I didn't get it until I was in recovery for awhile. I think it's about self-love and that enables you to set boundaries in your life that are healthy for you. Let go of the friends who are dragging you down. You don't need to be alone. There are many ways to meet new and healthy people and you might be surprised who comes into your life when you remove some other people.

stanleyhouse

Welcome
Our circumstances do not define us. May you find a safe place in this harsh world.
SH

Eddiebuckle

Andre,

I have had periods of my life where the people I surrounded myself with gave me similar feelings that you describe. Over time (a long time, decades really) I came to the conclusion that I was choosing my friends poorly, and the result of those choices was that lack of dignity, lack of control, and not liking the situations in which I found myself when I was with those people.

So choose differently. Find a new place to hang out, with different people that have different priorities. You don't have to make a huge change and drop all of your friends - just make a point of being and doing something different at least one day a week. Do something you enjoy, such as sports, a new hobby, art, volunteering, travelling, education, whaever. If you like what you get from that experience - spend more time in that environment.

Life is about choices. If you choose to spend more time with the new activities and friends than your old friends, it's not that your old friends are wrong or bad - they are just not what you choose.

It's your life: choose well, because this isn't a dress rehearsal - this is the only life you're going to get.

Dee74

As my drinking got worse I gradually and naturally graduated to people who drank like I did...they were the kind of guys I would have once avoided, but frankly none of us were outstanding examples of manhood....

Getting drunk and high was way more important than anything else.
We encouraged each other into greater excesses and spurred each other on in our addictions.

When I got sober I had to leave all that, and them behind.
I couldn't be a non drinker living a drinkers life. It didn't work for me.

I made new sober friends and reconnected with others I'd lost through my drinking.

I don't regret making those changes Andre

D