eaglette

A few weeks ago I posted a couple of somewhat desparate threads regarding my ABF and my inability to establish boundaries. My mind raged that he had to either get clean or I would leave him. But I am not there right now, so it would obviously not work as a boundary. Yesterday I told him that I was no longer going to nag him, threaten him with ultimatums, tell him how he should be living his life, etc. I will not freak out. I will simply remove myself from the equation in whatever way I deem necessary. Example: Last time ABF lapsed, he used bath salts. If this happened now, I would refuse to see or talk to him while he was in that state of mind, not as punishment to him, but because it completely throws me off when I am around him in that state.

I know it's a very simple step, but to me it feels like major progress and an opening for room to make other boundaries as needed. I think it's important to take the time to share when we make progress because there are so many threads about the struggles we face that even a small success feels monumental, and they are nice to read.



Thanks to all of you for helping me with these baby steps in early recovery!

laurie6781

Actually that is a VERY HUGE STEP. Now the 'next' step is to stick to YOUR BOUNDARY.

Now that you have taken the 'plunge' you will find it will be easier to set your next boundary.

You ar now in the process of 'taking care of you.'

You go girl!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

NotSoSmart

I think that's a great step! I was just reading some Al Anon stuff about letting the alcoholic (or addict) feel the impact of the consequences of their drinking. Often times we try to soften the blow or make things better, which in turn only makes it easier for them to continue using.

Freedom1990

I agree with Laurie...that is a huge step dear!

Be proud of yourself because I'm proud of you!

hello-kitty

That's a very healthy boundary for you! I'm very pleased for you and look forward to reading your future posts.

LifeRecovery

I struggle with this too, and I think it is a great example. Thanks for sharing

lightseeker

Now your talking! I so struggled with the boundary stuff early on and I know how great it feels to finally "get it" and figure out an appropriate boundary.

It's baby steps......they all add up and look where you are now compared to where you were!

Seren

That is a huge step! Knowing when to remove yourself from a situation is really important!

Hugs, HG

outtolunch

You have nailed it. Good job.

eaglette

Thank you all! It is amazing to have such a strong, and honest, support group to come to.

Kindeyes

You've recognized you needed a boundary and did it! That's GREAT!

Take care of you!

gentle hugs
ke

Anaya

"I know it's a very simple step, but to me it feels like major progress and an opening for room to make other boundaries as needed." Kudos to you. As said already, this is huge, and I share your hope and anticipation of continued success!

I am making baby steps, too, and have experienced a sense of relief as well as hopefulness.

artist83

eaglette,

Thanks for sharing your accomplishment. I almost lost my mind last night after I caught my BF shooting up yet again, I felt so weak, so helpless. But seeing your progress, however small you may think it is, has given me some hope that I will be able to take the same steps as you are.

Thank you.