Just feeling my way through the dark
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 35
Just feeling my way through the dark
So this would not be the first time for me talking about Sobriety. I have tried to several times to find some way to get my ass in gear and jump on the wagon but never could never find a true understanding of the problem. It is still a little hazy but I am definitely beginning to see it much more clearly. I just recently turned 30. I always expected that I would slow down my drinking at my age, but the truth was I used that last few moments of my twenties as an excuse to take that last roller coaster ride. So a month later I got through some the big parties of the summer had a little fun and now I am ready to buckle down and get busy. I don't just have me self to think about but also my husband who despite my faults married me two years ago and I know I worry him.
Here is the most difficult part. I am fully willing to accept my alcoholism and start this incredibly hard journey. I am struggling to find a way to manage my drinking and keep my career. I know now that management is not an option anymore. My husband and I are both professional musicians. I work with several groups and play at least three nights a week sometimes more. I don't want to stop playing. In fact my music is just beginning to take off and it is a huge part of who I am. I desperately want to find the strength and the means to continue in my music career and stay on this journey SOBER. I am just finding out where my AA meeting will be and I have a great support system with friends, family and an unbelievable husband. I just pray everyday for some faith and I hope that this road which I know will be long and winding won't lead me into the dark, but instead to a warm safe place. Any musicians out there with any suggestions or advice?
Here is the most difficult part. I am fully willing to accept my alcoholism and start this incredibly hard journey. I am struggling to find a way to manage my drinking and keep my career. I know now that management is not an option anymore. My husband and I are both professional musicians. I work with several groups and play at least three nights a week sometimes more. I don't want to stop playing. In fact my music is just beginning to take off and it is a huge part of who I am. I desperately want to find the strength and the means to continue in my music career and stay on this journey SOBER. I am just finding out where my AA meeting will be and I have a great support system with friends, family and an unbelievable husband. I just pray everyday for some faith and I hope that this road which I know will be long and winding won't lead me into the dark, but instead to a warm safe place. Any musicians out there with any suggestions or advice?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi Cats
I was a musician too...drinking and partying were part of my life.
It seemed natural to me - all my heroes did it...all bandmates and friends did it...
Trouble was, I wasn't like them...they'd party and then go to work the next day...but drugs and drink consumed me.
I drank and drugged more and more just to feel normal.
I drank so hard and so often it began to affect my performance and my reliability - I missed jobs, or when I did turn up I was either too drunk to play, or too drunk to play the later sets....
my jobs got fewer and fewer and the jobs I did get were less and less prestigious. Eventually they dried up all together.
I wish you well with trying to stay in that world and staying sober.
I know it can be done because I've played sober and played with sober musicians since, but I made the choice to refocus my life, and I left professional music behind.
I'm still a musician - mostly at home now or with friends - I still love it, it still is a huge part of who I am and it still gives me immense pleasure...but I'm no longer playing at being a rock star
It was the right choice for me.
I hope you'll find the right way for you
D
I was a musician too...drinking and partying were part of my life.
It seemed natural to me - all my heroes did it...all bandmates and friends did it...
Trouble was, I wasn't like them...they'd party and then go to work the next day...but drugs and drink consumed me.
I drank and drugged more and more just to feel normal.
I drank so hard and so often it began to affect my performance and my reliability - I missed jobs, or when I did turn up I was either too drunk to play, or too drunk to play the later sets....
my jobs got fewer and fewer and the jobs I did get were less and less prestigious. Eventually they dried up all together.
I wish you well with trying to stay in that world and staying sober.
I know it can be done because I've played sober and played with sober musicians since, but I made the choice to refocus my life, and I left professional music behind.
I'm still a musician - mostly at home now or with friends - I still love it, it still is a huge part of who I am and it still gives me immense pleasure...but I'm no longer playing at being a rock star
It was the right choice for me.
I hope you'll find the right way for you
D
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