Help!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 69
Help!!!!!
I'm new and posted my story the other day
The past few days he's left messages about how much he loves me, etc...and just about 20-30 mins ago he left another message saying the same, and how if I loved him I would put all this behind us. Ive done that before and I'm not going down this road again.
What I need help with is this, he states he is coming to get our son on Friday n keep him til Sunday and that "you can hide if you want to but I will catch your ass"
Now to me this is a threat, I don't want my son not to have his father in his life but with the current situtation, I do not feel comfortable leaving my son in his care. I have notified daycare, friends & neighbors of the situtation but I know that the police can not do anything unless something happens....ugh...I was so hoping it would not get to this point but it has and alot faster than I expected. I just want to keep my son safe!
The past few days he's left messages about how much he loves me, etc...and just about 20-30 mins ago he left another message saying the same, and how if I loved him I would put all this behind us. Ive done that before and I'm not going down this road again.
What I need help with is this, he states he is coming to get our son on Friday n keep him til Sunday and that "you can hide if you want to but I will catch your ass"
Now to me this is a threat, I don't want my son not to have his father in his life but with the current situtation, I do not feel comfortable leaving my son in his care. I have notified daycare, friends & neighbors of the situtation but I know that the police can not do anything unless something happens....ugh...I was so hoping it would not get to this point but it has and alot faster than I expected. I just want to keep my son safe!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Part of this:
And this:
Is an OUT AND OUT THREAT.
Now should he 'show up' on Friday, immediately call the police and CPS and inform the police that arrive that you just cannot allow your child to leave with a man, albeit his father, who is high and actively using, and that you have also just made a call to CPS because of this. Also tell them of the above threat.
Visitation or no visitation ordered by a court, you are 'protecting' your child from 'child endangerment.' CPS will certainly understand.
I do not know the age of your son, but no child needs nor wants to be subjected to the abuse, be it physical, emotional or mental of a parent who is a practicing A.
He is definitely trying to 'intimidate' you by threats and manipulation.
If you have not contacted a lawyer yet, tomorrow morning would be a good time to get one. If you have already contracted with one, call your attorney right away in the morning.
We are with you in spirit, at ALL times.
Love and hugs,
and just about 20-30 mins ago he left another message saying the same, and how if I loved him I would put all this behind us.
he states he is coming to get our son on Friday n keep him til Sunday and that "you can hide if you want to but I will catch your ass"
Now should he 'show up' on Friday, immediately call the police and CPS and inform the police that arrive that you just cannot allow your child to leave with a man, albeit his father, who is high and actively using, and that you have also just made a call to CPS because of this. Also tell them of the above threat.
Visitation or no visitation ordered by a court, you are 'protecting' your child from 'child endangerment.' CPS will certainly understand.
I do not know the age of your son, but no child needs nor wants to be subjected to the abuse, be it physical, emotional or mental of a parent who is a practicing A.
He is definitely trying to 'intimidate' you by threats and manipulation.
If you have not contacted a lawyer yet, tomorrow morning would be a good time to get one. If you have already contracted with one, call your attorney right away in the morning.
We are with you in spirit, at ALL times.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
call the cops when he comes & tell them he is using. have u been to the station & talked with anyone? do not let your child leave with him. also do not take chances with your safty. welcome to S.R... keep coming back we care.,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I agree..do not let him take your son. Was this threat on a text? If so, save it to show to the cops and CPS.
I would contact the cops and the CPS ASAP, as if you don't mention it until he shows up, they'll wonder why you didn't do something earlier.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I would contact the cops and the CPS ASAP, as if you don't mention it until he shows up, they'll wonder why you didn't do something earlier.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 69
Good morning all....he changed his tune real quick when I told him the threats were uncalled for and would not be tolerated. He left a message (in a different tone of voice-alot nicer) asking to get our son this weekend. I told him "sorry we have plans."
I am in the process of getting all my ducks in a row. I have spoken with the police and advised friends & neighbors etc...
And I refuse to let him manipulate me in any way. Like I said, I've heard all the lies before. It's going to take alot more than him saying anything to prove to me that he's clean. He needs to go get help, and if not, he will suffer the reprocussions from my end!
I am in the process of getting all my ducks in a row. I have spoken with the police and advised friends & neighbors etc...
And I refuse to let him manipulate me in any way. Like I said, I've heard all the lies before. It's going to take alot more than him saying anything to prove to me that he's clean. He needs to go get help, and if not, he will suffer the reprocussions from my end!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 59
What has worked for me was one simple boundary ( I didn't really want to get the authorities involved) - if you want to see your daughter, you will have to pass a home screen drug test. Every time. Period. No exceptions.
Since then my AH obviously cannot pin down a date or time that he wants to see her. And she is safe.
With the advice of my counselor I also bought age appropriate books on addiction "My daddy's beast" and others (Amazon.com) to explain how daddy loves you but he is sick right now. (she's 5)
Your strong - stay there!
Since then my AH obviously cannot pin down a date or time that he wants to see her. And she is safe.
With the advice of my counselor I also bought age appropriate books on addiction "My daddy's beast" and others (Amazon.com) to explain how daddy loves you but he is sick right now. (she's 5)
Your strong - stay there!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by whyme123 
What has worked for me was one simple boundary ( I didn't really want to get the authorities involved) - if you want to see your daughter, you will have to pass a home screen drug test. Every time. Period. No exceptions.
Since then my AH obviously cannot pin down a date or time that he wants to see her. And she is safe.
With the advice of my counselor I also bought age appropriate books on addiction "My daddy's beast" and others (Amazon.com) to explain how daddy loves you but he is sick right now. (she's 5)
Your strong - stay there!
Since then my AH obviously cannot pin down a date or time that he wants to see her. And she is safe.
With the advice of my counselor I also bought age appropriate books on addiction "My daddy's beast" and others (Amazon.com) to explain how daddy loves you but he is sick right now. (she's 5)
Your strong - stay there!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by tallgirl77
Good morning all....he changed his tune real quick when I told him the threats were uncalled for and would not be tolerated. He left a message (in a different tone of voice-alot nicer) asking to get our son this weekend. I told him "sorry we have plans."
I am in the process of getting all my ducks in a row. I have spoken with the police and advised friends & neighbors etc...
And I refuse to let him manipulate me in any way. Like I said, I've heard all the lies before. It's going to take alot more than him saying anything to prove to me that he's clean. He needs to go get help, and if not, he will suffer the reprocussions from my end!
I am in the process of getting all my ducks in a row. I have spoken with the police and advised friends & neighbors etc...
And I refuse to let him manipulate me in any way. Like I said, I've heard all the lies before. It's going to take alot more than him saying anything to prove to me that he's clean. He needs to go get help, and if not, he will suffer the reprocussions from my end!
My sponsor recommends I hug myself when I do good, but I limit that to when I am at home! The public may not understand such a gesture!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
Good golly, you did and are doing fantastic, gal! I hope you are giving yourself credit and are proud of yourself.
My sponsor recommends I hug myself when I do good, but I limit that to when I am at home! The public may not understand such a gesture!
My sponsor recommends I hug myself when I do good, but I limit that to when I am at home! The public may not understand such a gesture!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 69
Thanks everyone, it hasn't always been this easy for me. In the past I made up excuses etc..but something came over me and I am standing my ground and just refuse to take or deal with any more of his crap.
His mother came by yesterday to talk, she claimed he has a Dr appt today and is not getting his pain meds refilled. But in all honesty, I don't believe anything she says. He has yet to call me and say he is in the process of getting help. So, until I see it for myself and it continues for a long period of time, I just can't believe it. Right now I just think that she is telling me things that she thinks I want to hear and I am not falling for her BS. I have reached out to her in the past and with the current situtation and she's made up excuses the entire time. I understand he is her son, but one would think that knowing what he is doing as his mother she would do everything in her power to get him the help he needs. But instead she just keeps making up excuses for him.
I have asked him several times in the past, and with the recent situtation to seek professional help and help through our church. He was abusing pain meds when I asked this the last time and claims all I asked him was to go to church with me. But like I said, he has yet to admit to me, or himself, that he has a problem and that he wants to get help so I don't believe (or really want to hear) anything that comes out of his or his mothers mouth.
The kids & I had a pretty good weekend. Saturday was a little rough. It was the 2 yr anniversary of a 18 yr old family members death (car accident) but it was spent with close friends and family.
Thanks again for your advice and encouragement (((((((hugs)))))))
His mother came by yesterday to talk, she claimed he has a Dr appt today and is not getting his pain meds refilled. But in all honesty, I don't believe anything she says. He has yet to call me and say he is in the process of getting help. So, until I see it for myself and it continues for a long period of time, I just can't believe it. Right now I just think that she is telling me things that she thinks I want to hear and I am not falling for her BS. I have reached out to her in the past and with the current situtation and she's made up excuses the entire time. I understand he is her son, but one would think that knowing what he is doing as his mother she would do everything in her power to get him the help he needs. But instead she just keeps making up excuses for him.
I have asked him several times in the past, and with the recent situtation to seek professional help and help through our church. He was abusing pain meds when I asked this the last time and claims all I asked him was to go to church with me. But like I said, he has yet to admit to me, or himself, that he has a problem and that he wants to get help so I don't believe (or really want to hear) anything that comes out of his or his mothers mouth.
The kids & I had a pretty good weekend. Saturday was a little rough. It was the 2 yr anniversary of a 18 yr old family members death (car accident) but it was spent with close friends and family.
Thanks again for your advice and encouragement (((((((hugs)))))))
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