New here, not new to the issues involved...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 144
New here, not new to the issues involved...
Hi --
I came here to deal with my own issues with alcohol abuse, but I think I did get some help here some years ago regarding my daughter's addiction.
There's much to say, but my daughter is a gorgeous, smart, gifted 24-year-old who's been addicted to heroin for at LEAST six years. It has destroyed her life for that long, and I'm constantly hoping she'll survive and reach her potential.
She's my only child. I made tremendous sacrifices since she was born in order to do what was best for her, and gave her every opportunity I could -- yet it all fell apart somehow.
It's a long, terrible story, but I'll bet that's true for all of us. I have been going to weekly Nar-Anon meetings for nearly two years now, I think -- and that's been very helpful.
Still, there's no limit to the support we need, from each other. It was another crisis these past few weeks, up through today and who knows how long next, and I'm still falling apart inside, trying to put on the mask of "I'm fine," drinking too much and thus disappointing my husband (her step-father) etc...
I know from the Nar-Anon meetings that it's a constant struggle, but also know I've come at least some distance from where I was when I began there. So I hope I can give some help here, while also gaining more of the support I desperately need.
I came here to deal with my own issues with alcohol abuse, but I think I did get some help here some years ago regarding my daughter's addiction.
There's much to say, but my daughter is a gorgeous, smart, gifted 24-year-old who's been addicted to heroin for at LEAST six years. It has destroyed her life for that long, and I'm constantly hoping she'll survive and reach her potential.
She's my only child. I made tremendous sacrifices since she was born in order to do what was best for her, and gave her every opportunity I could -- yet it all fell apart somehow.
It's a long, terrible story, but I'll bet that's true for all of us. I have been going to weekly Nar-Anon meetings for nearly two years now, I think -- and that's been very helpful.
Still, there's no limit to the support we need, from each other. It was another crisis these past few weeks, up through today and who knows how long next, and I'm still falling apart inside, trying to put on the mask of "I'm fine," drinking too much and thus disappointing my husband (her step-father) etc...
I know from the Nar-Anon meetings that it's a constant struggle, but also know I've come at least some distance from where I was when I began there. So I hope I can give some help here, while also gaining more of the support I desperately need.
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Hi FreeDance. I just want to say Welcome to SR & to the F&F of Substance Abusers Forum especially. There are lots of wise & wonderful people here that will share their ESH with you & there are lots of newcomers that could use your ESH that you are so kindly offering to share. Please keep coming back here & sharing. You'll definitely be glad that you did & others will too.
Yankee
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 183
Freedance,
You are right, there is no limit to the amount of support we need from each other, I am glad you are here. I know it has to be really tough to see your daughter go down the path that she is taking. I can not imagine seeing my child go thru that...I hope you know that no matter what opportunities you gave to to your daughter... that her addiction is not something you caused.
I am familiar with *the mask* too. Pretending only gets us to far though, before we do indeed fall apart. I hope you are seeking the help you need in all aspects for yourself.
Keep coming back and sharing....I know that every post I read helps.
You are right, there is no limit to the amount of support we need from each other, I am glad you are here. I know it has to be really tough to see your daughter go down the path that she is taking. I can not imagine seeing my child go thru that...I hope you know that no matter what opportunities you gave to to your daughter... that her addiction is not something you caused.
I am familiar with *the mask* too. Pretending only gets us to far though, before we do indeed fall apart. I hope you are seeking the help you need in all aspects for yourself.
Keep coming back and sharing....I know that every post I read helps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to s.r. i am glad you have found us. we do need all the help we can get & support too. i am sorry u r going thru this. my son is my addict. the 3c's here are - we did not CAUSE it, we can not CONTROL it & we cannot CURE it. we have got to learn to take care of ourself & leave the addict alone.
you say u are drinking because of her using. that is not helping a thing.it is only causing you more problems. read around & read the sticky at the top of the forum. i am glad u r here. keep coming back. hugs & prayers,
you say u are drinking because of her using. that is not helping a thing.it is only causing you more problems. read around & read the sticky at the top of the forum. i am glad u r here. keep coming back. hugs & prayers,
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
freedance - welcome, but i am so sorry you find yourself with the need to find us- we travel a truly difficult road, mask or not, i know one thing to be true - the more we ourselves can incorporate recovery into our own lives the better for us and our addicted loved one - their lives are really screwed up with drugs, and they usually are around plenty of people who in that same boat- they need to see an example of someone who is not living that way - you can set an example for her of recovery in your own life - please keep coming back and sharing - we all need each other
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome....I'm glad you're here but, of course, very sad for the circumstances that bring you here.
I also turned to alcohol during a period of grief. After my father (and business partner) was killed in a small aircraft accident, I began drinking 1/2 bottle of wine every night. I was very "controlled" in this. I knew not to drink more than 1/2 bottle....because in my mind......any more than that and I was on the road to alcoholism. lol But for me, 1/2 bottle of wine every single day was a problem. I was trying to dull the pain.
During a particularly difficult hospital stay (where I was at risk of losing the last 1/3 of my colon that I have left), I had a personal meltdown. Total meltdown. Scared the crap out of me, the hospital staff and my husband. Am I an alcoholic? I dunno. Doesn't matter but the genetics are certainly there so I suppose it's very possible. Am I codependent--most definitely--no doubt there. I knew I had to change. My life was unmanageable. That was my bottom.
That was the incident that threw me into my recovery with fierce dedication. I had "dabbled" in Alanon meetings for the prior four years but the hospital incident was a turning point for me. My son is an addict--meth being his DOC--although with addiction I honestly don't believe that it matters what the DOC is--drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex......any of it can cause havoc in our lives. I have good days and bad days but the good days far out number the bad ones. I don't turn to alcohol for comfort (I don't drink at all now). I find the support and comfort I need in my daily reading, meditation, yoga and music.......and of course.....here on SR.
I know that my recovery and my serenity is more important to me than anything else. Without it....I lose me.
I'm glad you're here to share your ESH and to get the support you need. Welcome.
gentle hugs
ke
I also turned to alcohol during a period of grief. After my father (and business partner) was killed in a small aircraft accident, I began drinking 1/2 bottle of wine every night. I was very "controlled" in this. I knew not to drink more than 1/2 bottle....because in my mind......any more than that and I was on the road to alcoholism. lol But for me, 1/2 bottle of wine every single day was a problem. I was trying to dull the pain.
During a particularly difficult hospital stay (where I was at risk of losing the last 1/3 of my colon that I have left), I had a personal meltdown. Total meltdown. Scared the crap out of me, the hospital staff and my husband. Am I an alcoholic? I dunno. Doesn't matter but the genetics are certainly there so I suppose it's very possible. Am I codependent--most definitely--no doubt there. I knew I had to change. My life was unmanageable. That was my bottom.
That was the incident that threw me into my recovery with fierce dedication. I had "dabbled" in Alanon meetings for the prior four years but the hospital incident was a turning point for me. My son is an addict--meth being his DOC--although with addiction I honestly don't believe that it matters what the DOC is--drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex......any of it can cause havoc in our lives. I have good days and bad days but the good days far out number the bad ones. I don't turn to alcohol for comfort (I don't drink at all now). I find the support and comfort I need in my daily reading, meditation, yoga and music.......and of course.....here on SR.
I know that my recovery and my serenity is more important to me than anything else. Without it....I lose me.
I'm glad you're here to share your ESH and to get the support you need. Welcome.
gentle hugs
ke
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