Thankful for what I saw today...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Waynesville, Ohio
Posts: 61
Thankful for what I saw today...
Originally posted this in my class of June 2011, but thought I would share here as well...
Ya know...in my quest for just a bite of chocolate today, I realized some things. Really important things. Hope this is ok...may be long, but thought it might help others as well....
-As I was going thru my boys room, I found unsigned school papers, ripped clothing, and a few other "over-looks"...WHAT THE HELL?!?! How could I ,as their MOTHER, simply IGNORE their needs as CHILDREN? I am POSITIVE they didn't have me sign the papers nor ask to repair the clothing because they couldn't...I WAS TOO F***ING TRASHED! REALLY? Come on...how DARE I do that to them.
-Speaking of my Son, when he came home from work today, I was napping. I wasn't asleep and opened my eyes when he was standing in my doorway. He was just standing there. I asked him what was wrong, to which he answered "nothing". But as he walked away he said "thought you were passed out again". Oh God...
-I went to go get a pair of socks out of my drawer and decided that would be a good time to clean out my drawers. Didn't get far cause wadded up in the back of a drawer...were the Mother's Day portraits my Daughter had made for me of my Grandsons. My beautiful grandbabies. By my reaction, you would of thought I had just found THEM wadded up back there. I don't even remember getting them out of the mail or even saying thanks. How could I have done that? I haven't seen them in almost a year and I am sure my Daughter had to struggle to find the money for them (military family). How could...oh wait, that's right...I WAS DRUNK...
-While trying to keep busy, I decided to clean a little. Starting with my kitchen walls..a chore I have long ignored. WHY??? Why didn't I notice how horrible it was? For that matter, why was the bathroom nasty, and how clogged my dryer was with lint? Oh, and the beer cans stuffed in EVERY imaginable place? WHY? Because the only thing I cared about was the beer...
-After that mess, I went to take a shower. My goodness, how I have changed. Things sag really bad now, the discoloration is all over me, my eyebrows look like they need mowed and I have bitten my nails to the quick. My teeth have gaps that never used to be there. Oh and you could braid the hair on my legs.
I am 42 yrs old, have given birth to 8 children, am 5'10" tall and used to hold steady at 160 lbs.I now weight 207. My husband used to always say that I was his smokin hot babe...funny thing is I never wondered why I haven't heard that in a few years because it wasn't important anymore. Only the beer was. Where did she go?
I'll tell ya...she went to the grips of hell and is now clawing her way back. Simply because She WANTS to..not HAS to anymore. SHE WANTS TO.
I WANT TO...AND I WILL!
I have some sorrys to say. It won't be easy, but I'll tell you this...
they will be sincere.
Thanks for listening....
Ya know...in my quest for just a bite of chocolate today, I realized some things. Really important things. Hope this is ok...may be long, but thought it might help others as well....
-As I was going thru my boys room, I found unsigned school papers, ripped clothing, and a few other "over-looks"...WHAT THE HELL?!?! How could I ,as their MOTHER, simply IGNORE their needs as CHILDREN? I am POSITIVE they didn't have me sign the papers nor ask to repair the clothing because they couldn't...I WAS TOO F***ING TRASHED! REALLY? Come on...how DARE I do that to them.
-Speaking of my Son, when he came home from work today, I was napping. I wasn't asleep and opened my eyes when he was standing in my doorway. He was just standing there. I asked him what was wrong, to which he answered "nothing". But as he walked away he said "thought you were passed out again". Oh God...
-I went to go get a pair of socks out of my drawer and decided that would be a good time to clean out my drawers. Didn't get far cause wadded up in the back of a drawer...were the Mother's Day portraits my Daughter had made for me of my Grandsons. My beautiful grandbabies. By my reaction, you would of thought I had just found THEM wadded up back there. I don't even remember getting them out of the mail or even saying thanks. How could I have done that? I haven't seen them in almost a year and I am sure my Daughter had to struggle to find the money for them (military family). How could...oh wait, that's right...I WAS DRUNK...
-While trying to keep busy, I decided to clean a little. Starting with my kitchen walls..a chore I have long ignored. WHY??? Why didn't I notice how horrible it was? For that matter, why was the bathroom nasty, and how clogged my dryer was with lint? Oh, and the beer cans stuffed in EVERY imaginable place? WHY? Because the only thing I cared about was the beer...
-After that mess, I went to take a shower. My goodness, how I have changed. Things sag really bad now, the discoloration is all over me, my eyebrows look like they need mowed and I have bitten my nails to the quick. My teeth have gaps that never used to be there. Oh and you could braid the hair on my legs.
I am 42 yrs old, have given birth to 8 children, am 5'10" tall and used to hold steady at 160 lbs.I now weight 207. My husband used to always say that I was his smokin hot babe...funny thing is I never wondered why I haven't heard that in a few years because it wasn't important anymore. Only the beer was. Where did she go?
I'll tell ya...she went to the grips of hell and is now clawing her way back. Simply because She WANTS to..not HAS to anymore. SHE WANTS TO.
I WANT TO...AND I WILL!
I have some sorrys to say. It won't be easy, but I'll tell you this...
they will be sincere.
Thanks for listening....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Whistler, British Columbia
Posts: 222
Most excellent post missducky!
I remember this feeling you are talking about, heck I still do when I need it as a reminder of what will happen if I start thinking "I don't really have a problem, and can drink again".
I play that record to the end and it works every time.
Use this raw feeling to keep you resolve strong in moments of doubt. In no time your going to have your old self back and this will be a closed chapter in your life.
good on ya!
I remember this feeling you are talking about, heck I still do when I need it as a reminder of what will happen if I start thinking "I don't really have a problem, and can drink again".
I play that record to the end and it works every time.
Use this raw feeling to keep you resolve strong in moments of doubt. In no time your going to have your old self back and this will be a closed chapter in your life.
good on ya!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: CO.
Posts: 141
It is amazing the clarity one finds once alcohol is flushed from the system, no? Man, I read what your son said to you and I know that I have to nip my drinking problem before my kid is old enough to catch me passed out, not "just napping."
Keep after it, and use these experiences for fuel on your fire! Of course we can bounce things off of each other in the Juner's discussion board as well!
Keep after it, and use these experiences for fuel on your fire! Of course we can bounce things off of each other in the Juner's discussion board as well!
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