Prevail

I am a 34 year old divorced single mom with two daughters, ages 7 and 4, that I lost temporary custody of to my ex-husband after an accidental overdose of Mucinex and vodka in January of this year. Child protection took me to court and I have a plan in place to work in order to get them back but since then have spiraled out of control and into alcoholism. Last weekend I was in detox for the first time in my life after being found unconscious by child protection when they brought my daughters for a supervised visit. I have recognized my triggers are being criticized or judged, being depressed, self-pity. I am in therapy twice a week, psychiatry once a month, outpatient treatment twice a week, work full time, have visits with my kids twice a week or three times a week for two hours that are supervised by CPS, and found out last Monday that I have hepatitis C, either from home-done tattoos or my mother, who also had hepatitis C. My mom died at the age of 44 from cirrhosis and 2 months later my 24-year-old sister died of cirrhosis. I think my sister may have had hepatitis C too but she also was a crack cocaine addict and alcoholic. I went to AA for the first time in a long time last Friday and plan on going every Friday. I have amazing family and friends who have stepped up to be there for me. I have worked out a reward system for myself for sobriety anniversaries. I have sponsors. I hope I am successful. With the hepatitis diagnosis, I am terrified of dying. Between that and the trip to detox, I've been scared straight.

I was watching a lot of Intervention and reading a lot about alcoholism and my CD counselor said that's triggering and not to do that. Not to 'live in the addiction.'

I'm also taking Campral 666 mg three times a day for cravings but recently read that a combo of Campral and naltrexone is more successful so may ask my psychiatrist about this. I also take Paxil and Seroquel for major depression and agoraphobia with panic disorder.

I have 9 days sober and it feels like forever. Living alone in my house is depressing and so lonely. But I read something the other day that said "don't do something permanently stupid to relieve temporary pain." That is my new mantra.

I hope to gain some support from all of you and offer some too. Through service is sobriety.

Love,
Amy :ghug3

Ghostly

Welcome to SR! Wow...you are going through a lot. You will find a lot of support here. It is good you have other areas of support too. Congrats on 9 days!

Prevail

Thanks, Ghostly. We are neighbors! I hope you had a Happy 4th! I worked all day but I work at home so it wasn't too bad. Missed my kids today but tried not to think about it. The sad thing is that they live about 2 blocks from me in my small town and I can't see them. Sometimes I drive by to hopefully catch a glimpse of them playing outside. This too shall pass, I know. Everything happens for a reason, I believe. I've been through so much. This is just another storm and instead of praying it away, I'm going to put up my umbrella.

IndaMiricale

Welcome Amy

I wish you all the best I myself am starting this sobriety with just about nothing. I dont have children but I did lose my car, job savings , and along the way my self esteam and such.

I tried to detox myself and wound up in the ER thankfully, after I am now in AA and really trying to do it right , cause I want to live also, the doctors more than once this year have told me I have to quite now or die soon.( I been in twice first time in the ICU they thought I had "wet brain" thankfully I came out . Although soon as I was released I went right to the store then bar


Anway I lucky to be here , more than some others in the past and future , I also want to get better so I can pass it foward to help anyone that need it like I did.

Togather we addicts can change one life at a time, what a beautiful way to live the rest of life,39 now hopefully 30 more that would be great. But whatever is that date at least if sober the rest will be Happy,Joyous , and Free


I also have done the AA route 9 meetings in 10 days and as many more to go, like one lady said the other day try 90 in 90 days if I dont like it , they refund my misery.

Ghostly

I did notice we were neighbors Amy. I like to give nice jabs to my Viking friends to the North...but spared one to you.

Just remember to take things slow. Get better. These other things, including seeing your kids as much as you want, will not happen till you are able to stay sober. Take that first step, then it will open things up for you. You can do this.

SwanSong

Ghostly just gave you some great advice and it's oh so true.

Get sober (which you are), stay sober and things will fall into place. Don't throw the f'it switch if things don't go your way and don't decide to celebrate if things do go your way.

It's a lifestyle change and it takes work. But it pays off if you stick with it.

Welcome to the family, sorry to hear you're going through so much. Many of us have to go through a lot of 'stuff' when we first get sober and it can seem daunting but just remember- no matter what it is you are dealing with and no matter how bad it may seem to get - drinking or druging will not do anything but make matters worse.

SwanSong

And also remember those oh so wise words 'this too shall pass' - but in our cases, we need to stay sober so we can be there to experience it when it does!

Good job on posting, I encourage you to read and post!

tallcactus

keep your chin up Amy, place one foot in front of the other and just keep doing what you are doing. I second that everything will fall in place and I believe we all get second chances to turn everything around. Looking forward to hearing how you are doing in the in your recovery process.

Prevail

Thanks everybody for your kind words. I am 10 days sober today and proud of that. I go to treatment today and then work tonight late. I woke up feeling manic for the past 2 days and am starting to question a bipolar diagnosis. This is new. I also was given Ambien for sleep and that's so addictive. My psychiatrist gave it to me. He won't give me Klonopin but he'll give me Ambien! Weird! So I called today and talked to the nurse, told her about my bipolar symptoms and asked for trazodone instead. I hope they give it to me but I won't have the money to pick it up for awhile. I am taking Campral but read that a Campral/naltrexone combination is most effective and that it helps skin picking, which I do. With the hepatitis C, I don't want to pick and touch things and have my daughters get it.

I met an amazing guy but of course it happens right after I get hep C. I have no idea how to explain this disease to people. It is not really sexually transmitted. I got it from either tattoos or my mom. But there is a small chance you can get it sexually and treatment for hep C is harsh, almost like chemotherapy. It takes a lot out of you. So I want to be honest about being sick. I'm just taking it slow right now but the idea of having sex with someone for the first time after being diagnosed is scary to me. TMI, I know. *sigh* I hope everyone has a good day. I'm broke, so no liquor for me.

Reed22

Hi and welcome to SR Amy.

I am amazed at your strength in getting 10 days sober, congrats!! Keep up the great work and please check in here at SR if you feel that you are struggling.

I am still working my way toward getting sober for good, I managed 10 days before this 4th of July weekend. One of the lessons I learned was that I need to check in here if I am having a tough time. When I look back to Friday, I knew that I was going to drink... I remember seeing this site on my internet history and purposely avoiding it because I knew I was going to drink...

No more! I will do my very best to use what I learned and be stronger next time. We are all fighting the beast here, and there is great support so keep checking in and let us know how you are doing!!