firema

my AB & I had a really huge fight yesterday over the day before.. as I have joint custody and he is very much bound to my daughter, who is young. Its not his child. I caught him drinking (which broke the rule of zero alcohol when she is here) and we bailed the apt and stayed with a girlfriend as "slumber party". I swept thru the house and opened every container & dumped it all..what I said yesterday I don't even remember half of it. I'm an old alcoholic myself..a stress drinker.. but God pulled me out of it and my daughter is number 1. what i said was he'd have to choose between the booze or the child. He kept looking at me with such hate. He told me to move out, told me he hated me but he loves my daughter, everything you'd expect someone in denial to say..even threatened to call police to have me removed. He'd planned on going out last night but I think something sunk in..he didn't go out. He snuggled with both of us and slept hard. now all the piles of beer recyclings gone. No beer in the house. No vodka. Still not speaking to me. Uh of course I was accused of telling everyone he had a problem..*right* like I want to draw attention
He gives my daughter 110% and she adores him. Which makes it very hard to break them apart.
This won't last...I kept putting off a promotion offered (with a nice free apartment) and I accepted it. My old AA friend said if I keep catching him when he falls he will always be in denial. I don't know how this will turn out.
He just left to go to the store and get who knows what. At least this time he's sober behind the wheel. I have a feeling he just went to buy..

Seren

I'm sorry for the last day or two, but you know that this can end when you decide. You have the power to act in your best interest and the best interest of your daughter.

I ask this as gently as possible, is it in the best interest of your daughter to live with an active alcoholic?

Huge hugs, HG

Freedom1990

So am I understanding correctly that you did accept the promotion that includes a nice free apartment?

firema

yes i did accept the promotion and apartment. It's not even finished. Being built. Move in is in 30 days...
I gave him two months to go to recovery. He begged us to move in after a moment of clarity and he admitted he needed help. oh now he can't even remember that talk. He said he had me move in here because he took pity on me. Argh.
with time, that clarity got a bit fuzzy and he slipped back into his old ways. He was trying really hard at first.

dollydo

This is not a healthy enviorment for your daughter, and, unless he seeks recovery, it never will be. Not my rules, just a fact. Since you live with him, in his dwelling, he is totally in control, by demanding that you leave, he is abusing you.

You have an opportunity to move forward with your life, and under the circumstances, I would. If he ever gets his sh@t together, works a strong recovery program and has at least a year of soberity under his belt perhaps you might consider giving it another go.

Your daughter will be just fine without him, his toxic behavior will affect her, the longer you stay with him, the worse the impact will be on her, as he will become even more abusive.

Freedom1990

Your daughter may adore him, but you are the parent.

Kids sometimes like things that aren't good for them.

There is no way this man is setting a good example of what a man should be for your daughter.

My oldest daughter (now 33) spent the first 8 years of her life around addicts/alcoholics, and now she's active in addiction, and my grandchildren have been profoundly affected.

Just some food for thought.