SweetB

Yeah it's a long one...but need to vent and as well as know what rehab is really about and not just what their websites tell you.

A few days ago I came back here as I was a few days sober...I joined here a year ago. I really needed the support. Iam thankfull u are here all the time....a 24 crutch to help, when you feel like you are beginning to limp again. Last year I was not able to get what I needed here, because my mind was too confused, but this time I feel connected to people...last night in chat and reading posts.

Rehab? I don't know what to expect, but have been totally turned off by what I observe and hear. A friend of mine has been in rehab several times and was sober at one point for 4 years. Recently losing his job with a dangerous crowd involved in corruption, he relasped badly. He did rehab yet again, having no choice as there was a suicide attempt. He has a job now as a bartender and is doing good. I spoke with him about a very special friend that has just been is in rehab these past few months.
I asked my friend about people , places, and things. I wanted to know if my other friend would reject me when he gets out. He told me horrible methods used to diconnect one from friends and family.
I had written my friend in rehab some emails...not that many in 2 months...about a dozen...mostly saying I hope we can continue to our friendship and hoping he recovers quickly, and that I missed him ..... and that I was using hardly any drugs and later that finally that I stopped using totally.
I suggested, when he gets released that maybe we could do some sober things like walks, museums, movies, NA meetings, etc. Incidently I had implored him to spend time together sober for the past year and a half that we know each other. He always backed out of any and all things we planned to do sober. I did not want our bond to be based on getting high. Even often high as we were....and often sober too (via email, text, and phonecall) we spent a year and a half unburdening, discussing, and helping each other with so many of our woes, problems, and hangups. We spent Thanksgiving and Easter together, enjoying both with nice meals and friends, as we needed space from our families...I have always been grateful to have friends like that and try to keep them in my life. It is a rare connection when 2 people can relate so easily...some say friends may come and go, but they probably never connected in this way before with anybody.
The other day my firiend finally contacted me after 2 months and said that he would call the police if I ever tried to email him again?!?! Along with all kinds of threats of prosecution and lawyers...I don't get it. I thought he would support me in my sobriety, since I was his "close friend that he cared for so much" (his words). I thought he would be happy, supportive and proud.
He has always been supportive of anyone trying to get clean. My dissapointment is overwhelming.
What do they do to you in rehab...He is a real bitter person now. He is mad at me, threatening me, and really cruel. I am not responsible for his choice to use drugs. I pleaded to hang out sober over and over again. I didn't send emails that were anything but supportive. I do not want to ever go to rehab and come out a bitter creep with a "I'm better than you, and you are scum" attitude. I thought we were supposed to support and help one another get sober??? I feel so sorry for him, I hate that he is so angry and arrogant.
Anyone else have this experiences similar to this?

BackToSquareOne

What rehabs almost always tell patients is to not involve themselves with people, places and things that were part of their addiction. He may be taking that a little too far, he also may have other mental health issues going on.

Anna

I suspect he's trying to find his way in a newly sober life.

I think you should do whatever you need to do to get sober.

SweetB

I now I have to accept that he is angry and taking out on me...such dreadful things said in his email... I did not make him use drugs. It was not a choice I made for him...for Gods sake he said his addiction brought him the depths of depravity and did the unmentionable with me (i don't even know what the unmentionable is). Depravity, what depravity? listening and downloading music, discussion and debate on religion, art, theater, etc. Very ordinary physical activity that was high level due somewhat to being high and also real feelings of affection. A few months ago he said I created a better relationship with his mom, Gave him more confidence in several areas that he had hangups, and he told some family that I was very important in his life and not negotiable. That he didn't want to lose our friendship. his email after getting to rehab was touching, appologetic and affectionate. He saw a psychiatrist the next day and immediately wrote a letter to "stay away" and that I was a "drug source and liability"....Not an unusual to receive a handfull of letters similar in the past 1 1/2 years...So I figured it was just his usual behavior. I wanted to get sober when we met and always wanted to plan sober weekends and such. He never allowed that to happen....So in rehab without 2 months contact...I wrote the most heart felt emails and I am SOBER...and I have become the demon....In rehab do they encourage you to evaluate relationships or does it destroy all in one swipe, no exceptions?

ACT10Npack

Seem like your friend has a sponsor from rehab that is taking the AA/AN program very serious and most likely telling him to stay away from anyone that did drugs with him in the past. Give him some time and if he does not come around then you can't do anything about it but respect his wishes. Sorry about it but you always have SR and you can always make new good friends.

SweetB

[QUOTE=ACT10Npack;3021460]Seem like your friend has a sponsor from rehab that is taking the AA/AN program very serious and most likely telling him to stay away from anyone that did drugs with him in the past.


I can understand avoiding, staying away, or like a decent human being explaining to a friend in a tactful way that it may have to be this way now and posiiblly a very long time... I could accept any of that.....but I was threatened with legal action including an order of protection and legal prosecution if I as much as send even one email or private message to him... He said police would show up at my work or home... seriously, What crime? I guess the courts could pull from my email boxes, 12 or 14 emails that support his recovery and wish he gets better soon.. He said, if I even so much as log into one of the sites where he belongs, that legal action will proceed and I am being monitored. I happen to be a member at that site for near a year too. Does he think I'm gullible enough to believe this ridiculous threat or is he possibly dellusional?
I truly care about this friend and this kind of stuff makes me worry...is he getting the propper meds for other conditions? I am bipolar and know the uncomfortable thoughts that can arise with improper medication. Many of us can imagine and believe all kinds of extremely weird paranoid feelings and anxieties if not properly medicated. If he is not properly medicated, does anyone realize it? I am a loving friend and have worried about him without any contact or information of his condition ...except for that crazy email.for 2 months now. Talk about anxiety, depression and panic...This is giving all of the above.

ACT10Npack

I can understand that you care for your friend but you may need to think twice about how a friend would say like I'm going to call the police if you contact me. I would not worry about that because you would not get in trouble one bit.

I just think he is getting rid of everyone bad from his pass. I'm not saying your bad but the bad stuff you guys did to get himself to this point of his life. Your better off focusing on yourself now anyone. If he wants to contact you then he well.

Rest and take it easy on this holiday.

SweetB

Just afraid he might be improperly medicated, delusional and possibly alone.

SweetB

I mean his rant about police is ridiculous. He usually is sharper and credit him with more than creative melarchy than that . I could hardly call a dozen emails over 2 months , which supported his struggle, could even be called harassment or nuisance.That is the kind of email he would send me when he was drunk or influenced by some people that were trying and still try to control him. Control him for no real benefit. Control him with coke, threat of being kicked out of where he lives, and stuff like that. Threats like that never work. He has a weak mind and can easily be manipulated. Maybe I am overly worried, he always apologized after sending emails like that. I just hope that rehab hasn't placed this anger in him.

wellwisher

I know these are friends of yours, but realize you have friends that suffer from addiction.

On the one hand, you have a friend that went into rehab, came out; became involved with a job involving corruption; he relapses, attempts suicide, goes back to rehab, and then comes out to be a bartender. It appears he still has some issues. He has nothing but bad things to say about rehab, and quite frankly might be blaming the program he used for his inability to control his addiction. Doesn't make him a bad guy; but he may be lacking in the judgement department.

On the other hand, you have some one in rehab that is clearly trying to clean up his life and is willling to go the extra mile to do so. By your own post, you only have a few days sober, and that occurred while he was in rehab.

I went to rehab 17 years ago, and they didn't brainwash me; order me to seperate from family or friends, but merely made suggestions that I could choose to follow or not to follow. I CHOSE to follow those suggestions, and I am still sober today.

Maybe your friend is now looking to the people who have succeeded, instead of struggling. That usually proves to be the best thing to do when one wants to get sober. He's got work in front of him that needs to be done with guidance from those who have walked the path successfully before him.

While it may sound "rough", the best thing to do is respect his wishes; and since you are here, maybe you can concentrate on working your sobriety in the same manner - by following the guidance from those who have successfully achieved sobriety.

Just my opinion, and in no way meant to judge. Good luck.

wellwisher

Rehab and recovery don't "place feelings" of any sort into anybody. Once you remove the alcohol or drug of choice, drowned feelings come to the surface, and as they arise, they are dealt with. Your friend already had those feelings, and they are coming to the surface.

Trust me, he is in the right place at the right time. Relief from addiction comes from complete abstinence and a change in stinking thinking. I know for a fact I needed help with both, and rehab was the right way to go.

I think you will find your friend will change from an easily manipulated person to a stronger person provided he follows treatment. He doesn't need a bodyguard; he needs confidence to do it for himself. It will come.

SweetB

fortunately my first friend has been in rehab 3 or 4 times and so has the second friend that is displaying this crazy anger. My first friend said in rehab they were told to make
lists of friends he used to drink with and every bad quality and anything and all things that would even slightly bother him about that person...then they were encouraged the patients to expand verbally about all these things until some even became infuriated at their friends and then they were told to write angry letters complaining about these grievences. He said then friends were slowly and methodically refered to in terms that took away their existence as being human beings, never evaluating relationships
individually...friends were only described in words and phrases like , beind a liability, toxic, a source of drugs, triggers. My friend followed this method a few times and says he is sorry for the good people he hurt and can no longer count among his friends. These words were repetively used everyday for sometimes 90 days. Although he has had varied success with rehabilitation, his friends that have had great success and are sober for many years never bought into this and have always kept the friiends after rehab. I asked another friend who is sober since 1986 and an AA guest speaker ...she believes that 12 step is great but can't work without minor adjustments for different people. She never has ended friendships and doesn't judge anyone that has a relapse or hasn't made it to being ready yet to start the program and be sucessful....she says there is a readines,that no matter how one needs to alter the steps, that person is ready and will suceed.

SweetB

I could never intentionally hurt the people that have showed me real love and affection... I have been addicted to crystal meth for 2 years...prior the only addictions I can claim are caffeine and nicotene. I stopped 10 days ago because My friend is likely due to come out of rehab or possibly is already. My drive and motivation is fueled by the fact that I have to get clean before totally taken over by meth and that my friendship could not survive if I continue to use meth while he is sober,]HIS FRIENDSHIP MEANS MORE TO ME THAN THIS SUBSTANCE. Make no mistake, I am an addict, but for weeks before total abstinance , I cut from 2 injections 5 to 6 days a week for near 2 years to just one injection on saturday night. Everyone has their own motivations when called upon to do the difficult or seemingly impossible.

SweetB

Well Wisher I feel differently this morning and have to accept his arrogance and anger. and I will dissappear . I wrote him saying I will disappear and understand why he showsz sao much hate. It is one of the hardest thimgs I have ever done and can barely see thouhj my tears to write this. I an sobbing and sick with grief. I understand it's really the disease of addiction he hates but so hard to tell one you love and adore that you will accept that the hate has to extend to me too. I am shattered.