My Mother is an alcoholic and doenst realize it....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 1
My Mother is an alcoholic and doenst realize it....
Im here because my Mom has become a heavy drinker. When she was younger she had a problem with Meth (late 80's) and recovered on her own. She raised me with no other addictions besides cigs. I turned 18 (2003) and she had my only sibling. Things were great until about 3 years ago (2007-2008). I had become of drinking age and had started drinking once in a while maybe once a month or once every 2 months. Well one night she wanted to have a drink too so she did I mean she was 42 years old there was no reason for me to think anything but "Sure!" right? Well since then it has become a serious issue. It started off pretty fast and and just became worse. She drinks every day. As soon as she gets up for work she drinks. She comes home and if there isnt any liquor left she gets mad (even if its her that drank it all). Shes always mad, never the nice loving person I always knew. I know that Im supposed to "detach from her" but I live with her and dont have anywhere else I can go. The people at her job are becoming upset because shes always drunk and cant remember what they just told her, but no one knows how to bring this up to her.
PLEASE HELP!!
PLEASE HELP!!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, and welcome,
So sorry you are having to deal with this. You're right about learning to "detach," but detachment doesn't mean that you have to move out (though you might decide to do that at some point). Detachment really means stepping away, emotionally, so your happiness isn't dependent on whether she is drinking or not. It isn't something you can just learn overnight, though.
I would encourage you to get to some Al-Anon meetings--that's where you can start learning how to live your own life in a healthy way, regardless of the bad choices your mom might make.
It's a sad fact that unless someone WANTS to stop drinking, there isn't much we family and friends can do to help that person. But there is a lot we can do to help ourselves.
Sometimes people have to lose jobs and other good things in life before they realize how unmanageable their lives have become. What does she say when you talk to her about her drinking? Does she think it's a problem at all?
So sorry you are having to deal with this. You're right about learning to "detach," but detachment doesn't mean that you have to move out (though you might decide to do that at some point). Detachment really means stepping away, emotionally, so your happiness isn't dependent on whether she is drinking or not. It isn't something you can just learn overnight, though.
I would encourage you to get to some Al-Anon meetings--that's where you can start learning how to live your own life in a healthy way, regardless of the bad choices your mom might make.
It's a sad fact that unless someone WANTS to stop drinking, there isn't much we family and friends can do to help that person. But there is a lot we can do to help ourselves.
Sometimes people have to lose jobs and other good things in life before they realize how unmanageable their lives have become. What does she say when you talk to her about her drinking? Does she think it's a problem at all?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR Family!
You have found a wonderful resource of support and information. I'm glad you are here, but sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. There are some permanent posts (stickies) at the top of the forum. Those posts contain some of our stories and loads of wisdom.
here is a link to one of my favorite posts:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
You have found a wonderful resource of support and information. I'm glad you are here, but sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. There are some permanent posts (stickies) at the top of the forum. Those posts contain some of our stories and loads of wisdom.
here is a link to one of my favorite posts:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
welcome.
The hardest part is that we can't help.
Doing anything else seems so cruel.
Walking away? From the person we love? That needs help??
It just sounds so cold.
I learned we can't save anyone else. Just ourselves.
And help given when it is not wanted isn't help at all.
My XAH didn't want help.
I tried to force him to accept it.
That didn't work out at all.
I finally had to walk away for my sanity.
It hurt me too much to see him hurting himself and lying to me.
You may not be able to move out now, but if you wanted to do so, you could start saving (or even start job hunting if you have no job) and work on doing some separating from someone that isn't a good influence for you.
It doesn't mean you stop loving her, regardless of what choices you make. It just means you are trying to take care of you.
Hope you stick around and keep reading,
fp
The hardest part is that we can't help.
Doing anything else seems so cruel.
Walking away? From the person we love? That needs help??
It just sounds so cold.
I learned we can't save anyone else. Just ourselves.
And help given when it is not wanted isn't help at all.
My XAH didn't want help.
I tried to force him to accept it.
That didn't work out at all.
I finally had to walk away for my sanity.
It hurt me too much to see him hurting himself and lying to me.
You may not be able to move out now, but if you wanted to do so, you could start saving (or even start job hunting if you have no job) and work on doing some separating from someone that isn't a good influence for you.
It doesn't mean you stop loving her, regardless of what choices you make. It just means you are trying to take care of you.
Hope you stick around and keep reading,
fp
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 23
hi there, I'm 'glad' to see another child of an alcoholic posting, for awhile I was feeling alone here. 
Definitely hard to detach from a parent, especially when living with them. even if you aren't you still worry about their health and well being.
I think it feels different detaching from a parent than it might be from detaching from a bf/gf situation. Since they raised us, sometimes it feels we need to give back to our parents. I want to say if it was a different uncontrollable illness like cancer I would have no problem being there for my dad, even though people say alcoholism isn't controllable.
As others said, you have to start looking out for yourself. Maybe try the AL meetings to see if they have ideas on where you can go if things get bad at home. Hang in there
Definitely hard to detach from a parent, especially when living with them. even if you aren't you still worry about their health and well being. I think it feels different detaching from a parent than it might be from detaching from a bf/gf situation. Since they raised us, sometimes it feels we need to give back to our parents. I want to say if it was a different uncontrollable illness like cancer I would have no problem being there for my dad, even though people say alcoholism isn't controllable.
As others said, you have to start looking out for yourself. Maybe try the AL meetings to see if they have ideas on where you can go if things get bad at home. Hang in there
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Welcome to the forum.
YOu can come here and post all you like.
I hope you'll look into the other links posted here
to AlAnon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and all that as well.
I'm sorry for the reason you're here
but I'm glad you found the forum.
You're not alone.
YOu can come here and post all you like.
I hope you'll look into the other links posted here
to AlAnon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and all that as well.
I'm sorry for the reason you're here
but I'm glad you found the forum.
You're not alone.
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