Disgust is a Good Thing... but Hope?
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Disgust is a Good Thing... but Hope?
Well it seems I'm finally disgusted enough with my past drinking/addict behaviors that I'm serious and ready to do the work. I know it's hard, because I was once sober 8 months, 30 days, and 20 days... it's not a grand, fun time. But there were some really good days, I also remember that. I had a lot of hope and motivation to succeed at times.
Disgust can be a really good thing... IF, we are able to be disgusted from a particular viewpoint... that is, disgust with our addictions, our behaviors, etc. and not disgust turned inward to ourselves... our character, our spirit.
I'm fortunate I'm one of those "readers" and I've poured over countless books and forums, websites... I'm one of those intellectual types so I can tend to see myself objectively, and it helps. I do have awful moments of self-doubt and hatred though. But I think it's best to keep a lid on that early in sobriety, so as not to trip ourselves up and succumb to the alcohol.
Healthy disgust is enough to want to change. Hope may be a faint glimmer right now... but it is what will probably see us through to get the real work done. Am I right? Hope that fuels determination to finally begin the really hard work.
Disgust can be a really good thing... IF, we are able to be disgusted from a particular viewpoint... that is, disgust with our addictions, our behaviors, etc. and not disgust turned inward to ourselves... our character, our spirit.
I'm fortunate I'm one of those "readers" and I've poured over countless books and forums, websites... I'm one of those intellectual types so I can tend to see myself objectively, and it helps. I do have awful moments of self-doubt and hatred though. But I think it's best to keep a lid on that early in sobriety, so as not to trip ourselves up and succumb to the alcohol.
Healthy disgust is enough to want to change. Hope may be a faint glimmer right now... but it is what will probably see us through to get the real work done. Am I right? Hope that fuels determination to finally begin the really hard work.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Spain
Posts: 298
Hello, Jennie. I think you know better than me how sobriety is, because you have had more time (8 months) than me (78 days now, my longest time ever) I'm quite suprised of how my life has improved in only 78 days, and that gives me hope and strenght.
I am visiting the psychiatrist and I find it a great help. He helps you to discover those underlying problems that drive you to drink. These problems are not always obvious. If you dont overcome those problems (i.e., solitude, depression, or whatever may be) there are more chances to drink again. So I would recommend everybody to visit a good psychiatrist or therapist. Otherwise, when the problems surface again, we may return to the bottle.
I am visiting the psychiatrist and I find it a great help. He helps you to discover those underlying problems that drive you to drink. These problems are not always obvious. If you dont overcome those problems (i.e., solitude, depression, or whatever may be) there are more chances to drink again. So I would recommend everybody to visit a good psychiatrist or therapist. Otherwise, when the problems surface again, we may return to the bottle.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 351
As a child I remember listening to Melanie singing the Rolling Stones' line: 'lose your dreams and lose your mind' from Ruby Tuesday. The fact that we believe in sobriety, however hard, shows that we still have hope, still have
dreams. I believe we are lucky.
However hard it gets, if we keep telling ourselves that the first drink gets us drunk, that we have no contro over alcohol, it controls us, then sobriety will last
and hope will daily grow!
Many thanks for a super post!
dreams. I believe we are lucky.
However hard it gets, if we keep telling ourselves that the first drink gets us drunk, that we have no contro over alcohol, it controls us, then sobriety will last
and hope will daily grow!
Many thanks for a super post!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
There is always hope! As a matter of fact, I believe there is no such thing as a hopeless alcoholic. Anyone can get sober, if they are willing to take the steps.
That's where I think some sort of recovery program comes in. For me, it was AA, inpatient rehab and after-care outpatient alcohol treatment. I worked very hard to change my thinking and belief systems that were created long before. They were someone else's that were taught to me as I grew up in an alcoholic home; and I adopted them without question until after I achieved sobriety.
I had a lot to clean up after I became sober, and that was a bit difficult; but I got through it with my "new thinking" of how I was responsible and had to do the work, and had hope that one day, I would not have those problems anymore.
That hope turned into reality.
At the time, I found it hard to believe that all the self-hate talk would disappear, but I had hope that it would.
That hope turned into reality, after working on it.
When I had no choice but to stop drinking, I had many bar-fly friends who took off - never to be seen again. Even when I was surrounded by those people, I felt lonely and isolated. After they left, I was still extremely lonely; but I had hope that I would once again find new, sober friends. I experienced a period of being alone, but I was no longer lonely - I had support in AA and from my family.
That hope for new, sober friends turned into reality, both inside and outside of AA. Plus, I can be alone and not lonely.
I think it is important to at least believe in hopes and dreams, but I also allow for the fact that I cannot make my hopes and dreams my master. All success starts with a vision, a plan, doing the work, and letting go of the outcome. I try not to have expectations, because they are the thoughts that can turn a hiccup in the road into a huge mountain.
I also accept that I am always in the right place at the right time, whether I like where I am or not.
I credit the fellowship of AA and some pretty special people in the therapeutic community with my success. I can honestly say I would not have succeeded without them. I was a pretty sick puppy back then.
As a matter of fact, all I had at the time was HOPE.
That's where I think some sort of recovery program comes in. For me, it was AA, inpatient rehab and after-care outpatient alcohol treatment. I worked very hard to change my thinking and belief systems that were created long before. They were someone else's that were taught to me as I grew up in an alcoholic home; and I adopted them without question until after I achieved sobriety.
I had a lot to clean up after I became sober, and that was a bit difficult; but I got through it with my "new thinking" of how I was responsible and had to do the work, and had hope that one day, I would not have those problems anymore.
That hope turned into reality.
At the time, I found it hard to believe that all the self-hate talk would disappear, but I had hope that it would.
That hope turned into reality, after working on it.
When I had no choice but to stop drinking, I had many bar-fly friends who took off - never to be seen again. Even when I was surrounded by those people, I felt lonely and isolated. After they left, I was still extremely lonely; but I had hope that I would once again find new, sober friends. I experienced a period of being alone, but I was no longer lonely - I had support in AA and from my family.
That hope for new, sober friends turned into reality, both inside and outside of AA. Plus, I can be alone and not lonely.
I think it is important to at least believe in hopes and dreams, but I also allow for the fact that I cannot make my hopes and dreams my master. All success starts with a vision, a plan, doing the work, and letting go of the outcome. I try not to have expectations, because they are the thoughts that can turn a hiccup in the road into a huge mountain.
I also accept that I am always in the right place at the right time, whether I like where I am or not.
I credit the fellowship of AA and some pretty special people in the therapeutic community with my success. I can honestly say I would not have succeeded without them. I was a pretty sick puppy back then.
As a matter of fact, all I had at the time was HOPE.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Am I right? Hope that fuels determination to finally begin the really hard work.
You are right if you think you are right. There is no wrong answer. You need to believe and hope for things that only you can hope for in yourself.
Without want...without wishing...without expectations of yourself you will have a sobriety left in limbo. You'll be stuck in the mud.
My first expectations of myself was to make it alone. To be able to afford my bills and rent without failure. I did not fill my head with worry or thinking failure. My expectations were higher and I needed to keep my heart and soul on the same plane.
Now I have a nice job I enjoy going to, I don't 'need' anything and my expectations have been met.
NOW I have a new goal...I want to open my own dog salon since my basement got flooded and I was very disheartened that I had to cancel clients. I want to be there for them all the time -not just 2 days a week.
Continue the climb, think outside the box and always reach for your expectations that are succeeded by your hopes.
You are right if you think you are right. There is no wrong answer. You need to believe and hope for things that only you can hope for in yourself.
Without want...without wishing...without expectations of yourself you will have a sobriety left in limbo. You'll be stuck in the mud.
My first expectations of myself was to make it alone. To be able to afford my bills and rent without failure. I did not fill my head with worry or thinking failure. My expectations were higher and I needed to keep my heart and soul on the same plane.
Now I have a nice job I enjoy going to, I don't 'need' anything and my expectations have been met.
NOW I have a new goal...I want to open my own dog salon since my basement got flooded and I was very disheartened that I had to cancel clients. I want to be there for them all the time -not just 2 days a week.
Continue the climb, think outside the box and always reach for your expectations that are succeeded by your hopes.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
disgust with our addictions, our behaviors, etc. and not disgust turned inward to ourselves... our character, our spirit.
It took getting sober for me to realize just how much alcohol had affected my character/spirit. It was like a heavy, wet blanket, covering up the real me. It feels really good to see myself in a positive light again.
At first, I had to put my faith and hope in everyone here and trust that what they said about their sobriety could be true for me too. Sometime I would catch myself thinking "Oh, they probably have a better life or are stronger than I am, and that's why they can stay sober," or "Well, they had a lower bottom so they must be more motivated." Stuff like that. But I decided I probably wasn't as unique as I felt. So I put all my eggs in the hope basket and now I talk just like one of those "sober people," haha......
There's every reason to hope and every reason to believe in yourself.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by artsoul 
I really like this.....
It took getting sober for me to realize just how much alcohol had affected my character/spirit. It was like a heavy, wet blanket, covering up the real me. It feels really good to see myself in a positive light again.
At first, I had to put my faith and hope in everyone here and trust that what they said about their sobriety could be true for me too. Sometime I would catch myself thinking "Oh, they probably have a better life or are stronger than I am, and that's why they can stay sober," or "Well, they had a lower bottom so they must be more motivated." Stuff like that. But I decided I probably wasn't as unique as I felt. So I put all my eggs in the hope basket and now I talk just like one of those "sober people," haha......
There's every reason to hope and every reason to believe in yourself.
It took getting sober for me to realize just how much alcohol had affected my character/spirit. It was like a heavy, wet blanket, covering up the real me. It feels really good to see myself in a positive light again.
At first, I had to put my faith and hope in everyone here and trust that what they said about their sobriety could be true for me too. Sometime I would catch myself thinking "Oh, they probably have a better life or are stronger than I am, and that's why they can stay sober," or "Well, they had a lower bottom so they must be more motivated." Stuff like that. But I decided I probably wasn't as unique as I felt. So I put all my eggs in the hope basket and now I talk just like one of those "sober people," haha......
There's every reason to hope and every reason to believe in yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Coffs Nsw
Posts: 80
I get my hope from those that are not only clean but are serene... they project an inner peace... I want that so I shoot for it... my disgust is in the bottle..if i turn it on myself it would just destroy me...
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