A Sad Father's Day
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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A Sad Father's Day
I think I have mentioned before that my two adult kids won't speak to their father. My daughter would if only her father would stop drinking and start working on recovery but I keep telling her that his stage of alcoholism is so advanced that that might not be a possibility and she just dismisses me with he's not dead yet! She sends him a Father's Day card with a message in it saying that she hates the way things are and misses him but it's his choice and if he loved her more than the AL he would stop drinking and seek recovery. Well, he breaks down and cries, I just got back from my therapy and I'm crying, YIKES! I'm so tired of all this sadness and CRYING!! AH asks me what are we going to do for Father's Day with the kids and I've told him the kids won't see him, it's like I just keep hitting my head against a brick. Oh, by the way he informs me he broke 3 of his toes when he dropped a serving bowl on his foot.
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
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fedUp3 I am going to be blunt, why are you still there with an active alcoholic? Especially since you are in therapy and and .
Maybe its time for you to start caring about you.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
I'm so tired of all this sadness and CRYING!!
it's like I just keep hitting my head against a brick
Maybe its time for you to start caring about you.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
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Personally, I have no sympathy for him, he did this to himself. Your children are old enough to make their own decisions, guess they have had enough.
I hope that you haven't changed your mind about the divorce, he is drawing you into his drama, yet again.
I hope that you haven't changed your mind about the divorce, he is drawing you into his drama, yet again.
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Location: The Sunny South
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Your children are adults, and it is their decision on how to deal with his problem.
You can't fix them, you can't fix him.
You can work on yourself, your recovery and your detachment.
Sadly...an active alcoholic is drinking because they are alcoholic....not because they love alcohol more then someone.
If he is alive and breathing, there is hope...but, only if he seeks it.
AA for him, Al-Anon for you, and your daughters...there is hope.
You can't fix them, you can't fix him.
You can work on yourself, your recovery and your detachment.
Sadly...an active alcoholic is drinking because they are alcoholic....not because they love alcohol more then someone.
If he is alive and breathing, there is hope...but, only if he seeks it.
AA for him, Al-Anon for you, and your daughters...there is hope.
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I've been going to therapy and I start Monday with Al-Anon. Yes, I'm going through with the divorce by the end of the month I go to court and it should be over. Then the only difficult thing is getting him out of the house.
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Join Date: May 2011
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Originally Posted by anvilhead 
Then the only difficult thing is getting him out of the house.
throw the beer in the front yard, and when he runs to fetch it, lock all the doors and windows!
said tongue in cheek.......sorta.
just keep in mind....it's Father's Day - you are neither his father, nor his child, so HIS father's day experience is totally HIS to own. if he wants to feel all sorry for himself and snivel, so be it. this is the bed he made that he now gets to lie upon.
throw the beer in the front yard, and when he runs to fetch it, lock all the doors and windows!
said tongue in cheek.......sorta.
just keep in mind....it's Father's Day - you are neither his father, nor his child, so HIS father's day experience is totally HIS to own. if he wants to feel all sorry for himself and snivel, so be it. this is the bed he made that he now gets to lie upon.
Thx for the LOLz.
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It sounds like your daughter is taking the best approach ... she can let him know she cares about him ... enough to no longer stand by tolerating and watching the self destruction of someone she loves. And let him know she will be waiting when he decides change his life ... while he still has a life to save.
Sometimes nothing else can reach such a lost soul as effectively as knowing the heartbreak they have caused their own child.
My AH chose to live in denial until it was too late ... and now my son’s no longer have a father to even send a card to on Father’s Day. Every June there is that sad reminder of what alcoholism has stolen from their lives.
Sometimes nothing else can reach such a lost soul as effectively as knowing the heartbreak they have caused their own child.
My AH chose to live in denial until it was too late ... and now my son’s no longer have a father to even send a card to on Father’s Day. Every June there is that sad reminder of what alcoholism has stolen from their lives.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
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Oh its about the dad and the kids.. remember, you can't cure, or control anyone else, alcoholic or not...
I also stopped talking to my dad and don't even remember when father's day is celebrated here..(I think next Sunday?) and he is not even an alcoholic... those feelings are strictly between my father and myself.
You continue working on you.... glad you are moving on. Ah, the peace...
Seeking Wisdom (((hugs))) "while he still has a life to save" .. powerful words.
I also stopped talking to my dad and don't even remember when father's day is celebrated here..(I think next Sunday?) and he is not even an alcoholic... those feelings are strictly between my father and myself.
You continue working on you.... glad you are moving on. Ah, the peace...
Seeking Wisdom (((hugs))) "while he still has a life to save" .. powerful words.
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If it wasn't for my son and daughter forcing me to look at my situation with AH I'd still be drowning and it probably would be me close to death and not him. The thought of losing my relationship with my kids and we're very close would be too much for me to bear. So, you are all right about AH isn't my father and he made this situation all by himself. He once told me at Mother's Day after he didn't get me anything that I wasn't his mother! Funny how things come back to bite you!
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