PaperDolls

Ugh .... trying to accept things the way they are. Praying for the wisdom to change the things I can. Trying to figure out what I can change and what I should change.

DayTrader

I'm getting MUCH better at doing that PD......... but, as anyone who really knows me well could tell you........ Acceptance, wisdom, and courage took a long time to develop and are still not my strong suits....not by a long shot.

That process though, searching, discovering, trying, succeeding, and failing.......it's all necessary. It's how we learn and how we incorporate change into our lives. It's not easy nor is it necessarily "fun"......but it's just how it works.

Keep your chin up, try to not beat yourself up and stay committed to the process. It DOES get easier with time and practice.

laurie6781

Well I found that a good guide line for me was The Only Thing or Person I can change is ME.

When I use that, life seems less complicated. If I want to rearrange my bedroom furniture that is great. If when I had a roommate I wanted to rearrange her bedroom furniture that was a NO NO.

If I desire to rearrange my daily tasks at work to become more efficient that is great, if I try to take on a co-workers routine or the whole office, unless specifically ordered to by my boss, I am in deep doo doo.

For me the phrase in the BB "we seize fighting anything and anyone" plays along with the only thing or person I can change is ME.

As I have continued to stay sober and use this as part of my tools, it has made my life less stressful. I just keep my side of the street, my little space clean.

This works for me, hope it works for y'all too.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Latte

Over the last year I've started to write down the things I wanted to change. Some have needed immediate intervention but some I just left and come back to six months later. It is amazing how much they didn't need changing and how leaving them and letting my HP take over really made a huge difference.

Do I have some regrets? Sure, don't we all? I'm okay though and so are all the unsolved problems and things I've just let go. Letting go, the trick to having what I need.

DayTrader

Unfortunately, "they" just don't realize that "my little space" encompasses about 87% of the known universe!!! :rotfxko

keithj

If Life on Life's Terms is difficult to accept, how about trying Life on God's Terms.

Life on Life's terms, in my mind, means that I have to accept that jerk down the hall, or put up with the insensitive neighbor (or spouse), or realize that sometimes things in my life don't go the way I would prefer. I just sort of have to accept that I'm stuck with some things I don't like.

Life on Life's Terms means I have to accept when things don't go my way. Life on God's Terms means I don't have a way.

God has a way, and I'm out of the management business. I get to envision how that life looks when I'm in God's will. What would God have me be? How do I treat that jerk?

Boleo

"Want to feel as if you always get your own way? Don't have one".
-Bob Darrel

Dee74

no advice...just hugs PD
Good to see you

D

NYCDoglvr

Boy, this is a tough one to get in early sobriety. It's 180 degrees from my thinking before I got sober. But the thing is, all too quickly life happens. The IRS says it wants filings for the five years ... All those years we skipped the dentist ... ah yes. So while cleaning up the wreckage of the past -- WITHOUT BOOZE!!! -- we get lots of practice on accepting life on life's terms.

And life still gets much, much better.

PaperDolls

I usually do it fairly well but I'm just going through some stuff right now. Life stuff. Money stuff ... and the lack of it. Added stress. I can only do what I can do.

I am in the process of looking for a PT job to supplement my income. One of the things I figure I can change.

I just don't like life's terms right now. I guess I'm right where I'm supposed to be, huh? I hate that saying when I'm in a place that sucks.

Funny thing is ..... I'm still happier than I've ever been, also more broke, but eh ... it is what it is.

doert444

I can relate to people telling me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and they know the circumstances and the difficulty within them. I do not like it either and want to "move furniture around to suit me" Of course I know the folly of this and realize symptoms of my dis-ease are surfacing, controlling, impulsive... what really helps me is the other saying heard alot and that absolutely nothing happens in Gods world by mistake. A little twist in perspective and it helps me b/c anything that is occurring in my life good or difficult has already gone through Gods hands. He is permitting it and could of easily prevented it. I wonder sometimes why all the difficulty but I have come to undersatnd that He is using the circumstance to build my character. He is not so concerned with my comfort as He is to my growth. And it is difficult ,stress is inherent in change and the pressure is meant to mold me into the man He knows I am , the one I do not see yet but am progressing towards.

DayTrader

When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

Do some meditating on this sentence..... "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." That's one of two things I have taped to my monitor at work. It's there to remind me that MOST of the time, it's just my perception that's screwed up, not my life.

For example.....getting my 2nd and 3rd DUI back-to-back was the worst thing ever.....until I realized it was my ticket into AA and sobriety - BANG - best thing ever.

AA was the worst thing ever......until I realized that sobriety was far different than I thought it was and that AA was FAR different than I thought it was - BANG - best thing ever.

Partying was the best thing ever...... hehe.......I think you get where I'm coming from.

Sex issues and money issues........the BIG TWO - that's what I was taught and what I believe anyway. They're big because you can't ever seem to get enough of either one......or the right kind.......or when you want it......etc.

When I'm willing to try to set aside my fears and look at what's happening (lack of money, for example) as maybe something that's good and/or necessary (only I can't realize that part of it yet)............ it certainly doesn't make everything rainbows and happy puppies in my life............but it seems to lessen the power those fears/desires/feelings have over me. Sometimes, I'm even able to get a smile, some acceptance, and continue on with the rest of my day in spite of those things bugging me. If I'm really on the right path, I can even hear the word "gratitude" without puking just a little (lol).......and if I'm reeeeeeeally doing well, I can even come up with some stuff I'm grateful for. ........whereas in the past, if something was really bugging me, it would almost paralyze me as I thought and thought and thought about it and how to fix it and why it happened and how to never do it again and how......etc.

Boleo

God will get you through times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no God. LOL!

DayTrader

^^^^^^^ that's solid Mr Boleo sir...... solid indeed.

yep.....I'll be stealing THAT one for sure.

Tommyh

hay PD,you sure told my story too....recently I got sick and stuck in the hospitol
and ended up out of work 5 weeks....and got a 45,000 bill sitting at home....

that loss of income hurts too....
I found myself discouraged one day,and then I realized why.My attention had drifted off God , my soberiety,and all my blessings.I was focused on tbe problem,and it grew.
Now I believe my life is in Gods hands,so why should I be concerned?

I am out here working my rear off to pay everything.
Thats part of the blessing,to have the health,desire to do right,and the soberiety to do it.
A change in attitude over the old atitude when I was drunk and did not care.
Today we both care and that is a gift the way I see it.If all I get done before I clear out of this life is stay sober,and work and get those bills paid,it will be a good life
and a blessing .We are living right in the middle of an AA promise


our attitudes and outlook upon life will change.......

AW2486

One of the biggest promises in the BB. Just don't expect instant results. Money is not an issue anymore. It use to be.. I still don't have much of it.. but I think it was lack of faith instead.

24hrsAday

i hear you PD! happier than i've ever been, also more broke! ($ don't buy happiness) i have been very fortunate in my rcovery so far.. life is what it is and we all have to deal with it.

CarolD

Both my physical and income situations HAVE decreased PD...
that's why The Serenity Prayer is important for me....

NYCDoglvr

Yea, I lost a great deal in my 15th year, including a 20 year old friendship, the most painful thing I've dealt with in sobriety. After five years it still hurts. But getting sober means we are sober, not that bad things don't happen or that we won't make terrible mistakes. I've known two people who got sober and died of cancer. Getting sober means not getting drunk, it doesn't necessarily mean cash and prizes.

When adversity hits I've heard a few people (in early sobriety) say "why did I bother to get sober?" The answer is to stop drinking and destroying our lives because of alcohol. The reward of sobriety is sobriety.

Latte

Any problem can be bigger with alcohol. Without alcohol my problems may seem bigger, but when I check in with a fellow person in recovery, they remind me it can always be worse.