RyanRed

While I usually post in the New to Recovery forum, I felt this would be a more appropriate place for this issue.

On April 25th I got sober, so I have around 1 1/2 months of being off alcohol! Woohoo!! Heres basically my journey so far.

Week 1: Hell of Wheels! Detox city! (did it myself at home)
Week 2: Felt like a new person! But of course still thought about drinking a lot.
Week 3: Still felt great, a little anxiety here and there.
Week 4: Pretty much the same as week 3. But started getting out on small walks.
Week 5: Anxiety from no where started to show up. Usually after Ive been awake for around 12 hours.
Week 6: Same thing as week 5, off and on anxiety everyday!

Alright so thats a quick run down on where Im at. I will also explain what I believe brings this on.

When I was drinking, I would drink a lot! In the last year of my drinking, I would drink around a 5th+ of vodka a night, or 3/4 a BOX of wine. In this same year, I would of course wake up hung over almost everyday. Of course feeling like crap. Anxiety kicked in that year. I believe because of the fact I started not to feel like a normal person without drinking. I was in a state of phycosis until I started to drink if you will. Fear of stupid junk. Fear of just walking outside my apartment because I was so spacey. That I would get confused and fall over or pass out - something to that effect. In the last few months of my drinking chapter of life, I started to bring small bottles of alcohol with me school (I am a college student), and sometimes drink in the bathroom in! Not because I wanted to get drunk, but simply to make this feeling go away. It was scary as hell.

As you can clearly see I was on a path to self destruction. Alcohol was completely controlling my life. And mind you, I am a very by the law/rules person. Bringing alcohol to school would be a big no no in my book normally, but that's how strong the addiction and the anxiety was controlling me.

*Ill be real honest here. When I was sitting in a bathroom stall drinking that alcohol it was completely pitiful. I looked at myself is such disgust.

2-3 weeks after that is when I knew something needed to change. That I couldn't drink like this forever, and in all honestly it just wasn't fun anymore. I was drinking to normalize myself, and not for fun.

So now to my point! I just felt if I gave you all a small chuck of my anxiety background, it may help you better understand whats going on now.

Let me first throw out there that I have no craving to drink what so ever. I love waking up sober, I love life, I love the person I am becoming!

BUT!

I do not like this anxiety one bit!

So about 1-2 weeks ago I started feeling those strange anxiety emotions again. I was doing just fine and dandy for the first month (outside of the first week of course ). The out of NO where I felt like just like how I felt when I was drinking. Well I should say before I got the alcohol in my system. But I also think I mentally triggered it myself. The first time it happened, I was sitting at my desk thinking to myself I need to go to store to get some more tea because I was just about out. (Some of you may know Ive become this huge tea person since I got sober lol). So I'm sitting here thinking about getting this tea, and remembering how I used to fear walking to the store to get alcohol when I was drinking. I feared it because how spacey and weird I felt without drinking. So that single memory alone started to trigger fear. And then that fear triggered more fear. So here I am sitting at my desk in this now huge state of FEAR to go to the store because I mentally was remembering now I used to feel. I know there is a medical term used for that, I just cant remember the name. Its basiclly like when someone has a LSD flashback because they thought about it so much. So anyways, needless to say I didn't go get my oh so precious tea lol. Instead, I sat at my desk in a state of panic. So lame!

Well thats the first time it happened since I got sober. In this past week, its been happening everyday. At first I thought it was the tea because of the caffeine. That the caffeine was triggering it. Well I didn't drink tea one day, and still it occurred. I must also mention I dont get these strange feelings when I wake up. When I wake up, I feel completely refreshed. No irrational fears at all. Not affraid to leave the house or anything. But as the day ticks on, it generally will be triggered. Sometimes after 6 hours of being awake, sometime 12. I also notice it being triggered when I get tired. But its usually brought on when I start thinking about it. Ill tell ya the mind is a powerful machine! Why I poured alcohol over it for so many years Ill never know .

And last but not least.

I know a lot of you may say go see a doctor. Well that isnt possiable right now. I dont have insurance or the extra money to pay for one. And in all honestly, Im quite sure I know the result of that. "Here take this!!" Yeah alright, ill trade in my old alcohol problem for a new pill one.. NO THANK YOU!

So what Im really looking for is people with some incite to this anxiety problem. I feel its starting to control me again. But not to worry, I absolutely wont drink because of it. Because honestly I know it will still be there even if I did.

Thanks for reading everyone! I know it was a bit of a long one! Im sure my it was my longest post to date on here. But other than that life is good people! So many changes in my life since I got sober. All for the better! but that's for another topic/post. Take care all!!

-Ryan

checkmate1

Hi Ryan I'm sober 52 days and have struggled all my life with anxiety. I experience anxiety on a daily basis it eventually passes and goes away. Your right you could start taking valium or a sedative but that is not the way to go. Anxiety can't kill you and alcohol can. I've seen some of your posts in the last month and you seem very determined to beat alcoholism even with this anxiety creeping around.

Keep doing what you need to do each day and try not to let anxiety stop you from doing the things you want and need to do. I've noticed my anxiety has improved during sobriety its still there but I can cope better without the hangovers. Try not to think about it to much as that causes added worry, keep busy and as you gain more sober time you will learn how to deal with it better.

nandm

Anxiety is very common in early sobriety. One way to look at it is that by stopping drinking we have taken away a coping mechanism that many times we have used for years to deal with or keep anxiety under control so when we remove it the anxiety is still there with nothing to control it. Many programs of recovery give us the tools to help learn new strategies to treat this anxiety. They do work well for many types of anxiety especially the kind caused by early sobriety. I would recommend looking into a program of recovery to help you through this time. Also meditation, yoga and exercise are very helpful to control anxiety. Not all anxiety has to be treated with medication. Only you and your doctor can decide if medications are necessary for the type of anxiety you are experiencing.

Personally, I do have a type of anxiety that is not the type caused by early sobriety, although in early sobriety it did help with some of the anxiety to work a program of recovery it did not resolve the type caused by the PTSD. So I do have to take medications to help control that.

I do hope you find the answers you are seeking. Take care

erikm02

Well since you can't see a doctor..

Try a little longer going without caffeine. Do some high intensity cardio for at least 30 minutes. Look into meditation as well... check out the library or online for more advice on getting rid of stress. Good luck!

Dee74

I find breathing exercises and meditation have helped me a lot, but my anxiety was pre-existing too. It was one of the reasons I started drinking....

Down the track, I hope you'll reconsider seeing a Dr if the problem persists Ryan.

IMO a prescribed medication, taken as directed as a necessary step to help improve our quality of life, is a whole different ballgame to the way we used to drink alcohol.

D