SinceForever

Hello SR,
This is my first post and please excuse me if this is not the way of doing things here but I'd like to give a quick version of my story to add some context. I am 18 years old and first drank and smoked weed when I was 12. I got wasted my first time and smoked as much as I could. I got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 15 so i decided to get away from drinking but just ended up smoking more. I ended up using harder drugs in the latter years of high school and had about a year long stint with heroin on and off my junior-senior year. I decided to stop that but just replaced it with more weed and started drinking again. I went off to college this last year and smoked everyday multiple times a day and drank both weekend days. I got caught smoking in the dorms twice and nearly got thrown out and had a serious complication with my diabetes due to my drinking. I ended up failing out of school after this freshman year and my parents forced me into an outpatient rehab. I am a few days from finishing and now have 30 days sober today. I have a fairly strong AA schedule and hope to continue.

Sorry for rambling there, just need to get it out with a new group. I am currently dealing with the fact that I am only 18, and while I do realize all the consequences (many more than mentioned above) I feel like everyone else that has any long term sobriety is at least 25 and is out of college. Everyone tells me that I'm lucky to do it now, but I still feel like while it may have hurt people in the long run, they still got to experience the things associated with using/drinking through their young adult years. I guess what I'm really struggling with is that I wont be able to drink in college (I realize the problems associated with my drug use). I know drinking will probably lead me back to using or will land me with a drinking problem, but I feel like all my friends drink all the time and when I do go back to school I will really struggle to just stay in all the time like I have been now while living with my parents. I don't know what exactly I'm asking for here. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone can relate/offer advice as well as just putting myself out there. Thanks in advance for anyone's help.

Impurrfect

(((SinceForever)))) - back when I went to AA, I had a friend who was 19...he'd been in AA and recovery for three years. His dad was also an A (alcoholic or addict - he was alcoholic) and though they occasionally showed up at the same meetings, mostly they went to separate ones. There were also several young people in my home group...late teens, early 20's. Most had also abused other drugs (I, myself was abusing opiates at the time, but I felt more comfortable with AA than NA).

I know college is, for some, a big party-fest, but there are a lot of people who don't get into that, it's just a matter of finding them.

With your diabetes, the drinking/using can cause life-long consequences that you can't reverse.

Trying to think in terms of "I can never drink/use again" is a bit overwhelming. to say the least. I eventually turned to crack, and when I got into recovery, there were days I'd say "I won't use for the next 10 minutes" and when the 10 minutes were up, I'd say the same thing.

I know, where I lived, AA had many "young people meetings", and though I was far from young, I went to several, as I learned things from what I heard.

Some people think the kids who aren't into partying are geeks or nerds. It takes getting past that mindset, realizing that they are more into working at school as a means to have a better life.

There are quite a few young people here. You're not alone. Though I'm decades older than you, I WISH I had gotten the help I needed when I was starting into my descent in my early twenties.

I don't know if you're on insulin or oral meds, but I was a nurse (before addiction ruined that career) and alcohol and drugs REALLY messes with that disease, and I promise you, you don't want to be 30 years old, dealing with health issues that you could have prevented, yet can't be reversed.

You have an awesome opportunity that most of us older RA's (recovering addicts) wish we would have paid attention to. I've abused alcohol, and opiates, before totally getting addicted to crack. I thought life would be dull, boring as he!! and miserable without my vices. What I've found, however, is that life in recovery is absolutely amazing. Yes, there are still ups and downs (that's life), but I'm still dealing with consequences of my using 4+ years into recovery, and going to sleep at night, knowing I haven't done anything to cause MORE bad consequences is a most awesome feeling.

You are reaching out for help, here, and that is a great first step. I won't promise you that recovery is easy, especially in the beginning, but I WILL promise you that it is far better than what you're doing now. When people ask me why I don't drink/use, etc. I just tell them "I do some really stupid stuff when I do, and it's just not worth it" and most of them just say "oh, okay" and move on.

Abusing/using only gets worse, you start building up bad consequences, but throw diabetes into it, and you're talking some serious stuff. I've SEEN what diabetes can cause when you're not doing your best to keep your sugar levels at normal (and alcohol or the weed munchies are going to keep it from being anywhere normal...if not now, it will eventually). It's not a pretty picture.

Please keep reading and posting. Though many of us are older, there are still several in college and going through the same thing. You're not alone, and we are all here to support you toward a healthier way of living.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Bio

Well, this seems as good a place as any to make my first post as well. I don't necessarily feel qualified to give you advice, but can hopefully help. I just graduated college, and drinking almost made it not happen. My junior year of college involved much drinking and constant blackouts. About halfway through the next summer, I was completely hooked on benzos and alcohol. I blacked out for most of a month and was fortunate enough to end up in an inpatient rehab facility.

I got clean and stayed clean for the rest of the summer. Then I spent my first three days of my senior year locked in my dorm drinking and almost failed my first class. I sincerely believe that what really helped me was being honest to my friends. Although embarrassing at first, this honesty helped separate me from drinking friends and brought out a whole new side of my other friends that were excited to do sober stuff on the weekends. And over time, people really began to respect me for the strength and honesty it took to stay sober. Although a lot of people didn't say anything to you before you started recovery, some of them probably noticed your problem. From this, I stayed completely sober for the first semester.

Then the addict in me started saying some pretty reasonable things. "I'm not an alcoholic, I was just addicted to benzos." Well, with this brilliant little line, I realized I could just be a social drinker like everybody else at school. Started off slow, only beer, no hard alcohol. This went well for about three months, then I went overboard again. Drank every night, and it ended up with me thinking it wasn't a big deal to cheat on my girlfriend of 3 years! Well, I broke her heart and lost her, and there's no going back now.

The reason I'm telling you this is because, if I had figured out my disease earlier, I may still be with her. I know exactly how it feels to feel like you're missing out on a part of "the college experience" by not drinking, but the sooner you can appreciate your disease, the fewer mistakes you will make. Thus, you are certainly lucky to realize your disease early.

Jil

Hi! Congratulations on realizing the problem before it escalates. I have just completed my second year of university, and I've got to tell you- the first year and a half would have been much easier if I had decided to become sober then. I had some very embarrassing times in the first year and a half, due to my drinking, which tons of people now know about (hooking up with many people in the school, getting in fights on campus, cheating in a relationship to name a few). You don't want to go through that. Also, my drug usage (cocaine, ecstacy, weed etc.) really affected my progress in school.

I hate the way college is portrayed in the movies; a huge party where everyone drinks all the time. Post-secondary is about an education, and I didn't start doing well until I became sober. Believe me- you'll meet MANY people who either don't drink, don't drink often, or are proud of you for not drinking. Not everyone in college is in the party scene; those are the people you'll need to surround yourself with. One of the guys I met partied every weekend and so I thought our relationship would be strained after I decided to become sober. Instead, he ended up being so proud of me, and helping me stay sober.

I understand your pain, because I am only 21 and it feels like life is going to be sooo long and difficult without drinking. You need to realize that you CAN have a great time without alcohol. I think it's sad that life as a young person has revolved around drinking.

Know that this all gets so much easier, and you ARE lucky that you've decided this soon enough. You can begin your new life in a new school. I am constantly telling people from university that I have partied with that I don't drink anymore, and they're always confused because I did drink in the beginning. Well you have the ability to go into this new school with no one knowing your past, and so you can meet new people and form friendships based on the sober person you want to be. Good luck, it gets so much better.

defyinggravity

I, too, first started drinking at 12 (the weed didn't come until around 19) and at 18, during my freshman year of college, was drinking to blackout at least 4-5 nights a week. First, let me say how lucky you are that your parents were aware enough to get you some help when you were probably unable to ask for it yourself. Mine had (and to this day still don't, actually) absolutely no clue the kind of trouble I was really in. I first went to an AA meeting at 19, when I realized I was headed for alcoholism and I would give anything to go back and stick with it and stay sober. But, like you, I wanted to drink with all of my "friends" (had they been really good friends, they, too, would have seen I was headed down a really bleak path and not supported my getting falling-down drunk every night but what can you expect from college kids, I guess! some actually did see what was happening, my best friend actually drove me to AA). There ARE people who don't drink, you've just got to find them and do other stuff with them - you don't have to stay in all the time...you can go bowling, to movies, midnight dinner at IHOP...have game night parties, movie marathon nights...I promise there is fun to be had without getting wasted.

I'm 25 (in grad school), but I remember what it was like trying to get sober in an environment where I felt like everyone was drinking but me (hell, I'm still doing it - I live in New Orleans and I feel like the whole city is drinking)...and I honestly, truly wish I could have stuck with it and stayed sober all these years - I can't even start to count how many awful things I would've escaped doing. You're doing a really, really strong, smart and brave thing by recognizing and addressing the problem now before it progresses any further (this disease IS progressive - if you keep using, it can only get worse). I think you're pretty amazing for doing that and I admit, I'm kinda jealous that you're going to get to have all the experiences of a young adult while sober and not hungover! I missed a lot of football games, baseball games, etc because I was hungover and don't even remember most of the parties I went to because I was blacked out - so I don't have a lot of fun college experiences to even remember (and the ones I do remember and think back on fondly...were the ones when I was sober and just having fun with friends)

Stick around here, there's lots of support and great advice. Keep doing the AA thing and working on your recovery. You CAN do this! (and I'm only on day 13 myself but...) I'm told it does get better!

nandm

Welcome to SR.

I started drinking at an early age. I only experimented a little with drugs but found I did not like them because they interfered with my drinking plus the jobs I took and the profession I chose required drug testing. I can related to getting into AA at an early age. I was 21 when I got my DUI. The judge sentenced me to 6 AA meetings because my BAC was 0.22 and 0.23. I went to 2 meetings total I think. I felt like an outsider because the people there seemed to all be way old....for me that meant anyone over the age of 35. It led me to believe that I was too young to be an alcoholic and I kept drinking for 15 more years until I realized that even then I was an alcoholic. I might have saved myself and my family from a lot of pain and anguish if I had only kept up with AA when I was first introduced to it by keeping and open mind and seeing the similarities instead of the differences.

I do hope that you will continue AA as it is a great program. It is how I have been successful at not drinking since 3-13-01. Hang in there and best of luck to you.

Mida

Since and good job on your sober time!

Unlike what film makers want us to believe, not everyone turns college into a drunk-fest... I finished my B.A. and Master's back to back graduating by the time I was 24 and rarely drank at all during that time. I got a late start as my real drinking began in my 30s, but that's another topic entirely.

College really can be about education and not partying and you will find plenty of other students who put their studies first.

All the best on your continued journey...

Hevyn

SinceForever & Bio - I'm so impressed with both of you, and your ability to describe your feelings. I wish I'd reached out at a young age and had never led the crazy drinking life that I did.

I think no matter what your age, you still resent not being able to do what everyone else seems to be able to. You convince yourself you're missing out on life, but that's just a lie we tell ourselves. I still feel sorry for myself at times because no one else I know has a problem. That resentment kept me drinking my whole life, and it almost killed me. You'll never go under the way many of us did. You can have a beautiful, free life - not one lived as a slave to some substance.

It's great you found us - not being alone anymore was a huge help for me. I hope you'll both keep posting - it feels good to get our stories out there.

SinceForever

I'd like to sincerely thank everyone for sharing their insight, advice and honest experience. It helps a ton for me just to hear the different versions of the same sad story over and over (as silly as it seems). I've realized recently and was just re-enlightened to the fact that this is just an issue that I will have to deal with over time and there's no way around it. The only realistic option for me at this point is to try to be sober one day at a time, not worry about being a non-drinker in college because that's in the future, and if I can do that today, that's a victory in my book.

Still, while reading your very kind posts, my addict mind repeatedly tells me that they're just proving your point that no one gets sober at 18. But I really have no reason not to and all the reasons in the world and the tools to actually do so. I mean I now have a month and one day without really thinking about it too much so why not a month and two. And for that I am extremely grateful as well as hopeful. Thanks again for all your help and support and I think I may have found a home here at SR as well as another very strong tool to aid me in this new promising journey of recovery.

Bio

damn it feels good to be a gangsta... and sober! Went to an AA meeting tonight. met a woman that has been sober 21 years, and started during college. Its possible, and with support, probable!

defyinggravity

I know your addict mind is telling you that we're all just proving no one gets sober at 18 but, let your sober mind tell you we all wish we had. Like I said before, I'm a tiny bit jealous that you've got this great opportunity to spend your young adult years sober and that I didn't take advantage of it when I was your age

Also, do you have iTunes? I recommend you go check out the AA speaker tapes podcasts (they're free and there are a TON) - but I recommend one in particular: Deb H. from Beaufort, SC at the Midwinter Conference...she's a woman with an amazing story and 20 years of sobriety....and she's 35, meaning she got sober at around the age of 15. Check it out - I think you'll relate somewhat to her story.

eaglette

Heya Since--

It is awesome that you want to get clean at such a young age. The maturity in that desire is impressive, as it is true that you are in the minority for your agegroup (from my experience). I am 23 and often have the same feelings, especially since my brother and a few of my younger friends just turned 21 not too long ago. My mind is constantly explaining to me that complete sobriety is unnecessary. I could definitely have a glass of wine; everyone does that. I almost convinced myself a few weeks ago that I could go to a winery with a few of my girlfriends and just not drink. Thank God I didn't act on that!

Impurrfect, I completely identified with your statement that, "Trying to think in terms of "I can never drink/use again" is a bit overwhelming. to say the least." Two days after I finally decided to quit weed, my DOC, I told my brother, and he asked me, "Really? So you are never going to smoke ever again, even once in your lifetime?" The question threw me completely through a loop. I could not fathom never smoking again and was not prepared to consider the concept. Even though alcohol wasn't my DOC, it is even harder for me to say that I will never drink again. I still can't say for sure that I won't ever partake in either again, but I know I won't today.

artsoul

Welcome SinceForever - congrats on your time sober!

I'll bet everyone here (whatever age) thought they'd never have fun again if they got sober. If that were really true, I'm not sure any of us would have made it very far. We had a lifestyle built around alcohol too: friends, activities, places to go etc....... When you're in that world, it seems like everyone else is too.

I'm sure there are lots of heavy drinkers in school - but they'll find out at some point what you've found out, that it's incompatible with achievement in life (actually with life period). You'll just be one step ahead of them, in the group that has goals and that is growing mentally and emotionally.

So feel good about your decision and let other's experience here remind you of what the future holds if you keep drinking. Get in some study groups to meet others, spend some time at the gym, do volunteer work for the university..... and stay in today, just like you're doing! I have two daughters (one just graduated from college, and one in college), one who rarely drinks and one who doesn't drink at all. You can do it!!

SinceForever

Hi again all,

Thanks again for all your insightful feedback, I think it was exactly what I needed to hear, funny how often that happens when listening to other addicts/alcoholics rather than everyone else (not that they don't have much to offer also). I think the thing I need to focus on now is focusing on the similarities rather than the differences, because the differences will always be there if you're looking for them, no matter how similar that person is. And doing that just causes me to discount that person and maybe miss a piece of advice that could potentially save my life! Thanks all.

Defying: Thank you so much I am looking into those at the moment and find them very helpful as a more portable and schedule friendly alternative to AA meetings.

Hope everyone is doing well

LexieCat

My first husband was a full-blown alcoholic when I met him in college--he was 18 and I was a couple years older (with a good fake ID--part of the attraction on his part, no doubt). He drank his way through the year and a half I had left in school, had several drinking-related injuries and accidents. He quit school when his mom cut off the money. He drank through his first year working. He got sober at age 21 and he hasn't picked up a drink in 31 years.

As grateful as he is that he got sober as young as he did, he feels he wasted his college years--wasted. There are a lot more young people in AA now than there were then. You will fit in just fine, and be able to appreciate your college years.

cairns87

Hi Simce forever! You are deffinately not alone in only being 18. I am only 23 and there are many people younger than me in the aa meetings I have been too so far. I can understand you wanting to drink through college! I think when I was 18 was when my alcaholsim started getting a lot worse! To be honest I look back at my drinking career and all my fondest memories of drinking would have been around the 15-18 year old mark. Where I can actually remember my nights and have fun! I ended up wasting a lot of time drinking at uni and as a result my grades suffered. I have friends who are now engineers and doctors. I was just as smart as them at school. I am currently out of work.