JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Ok - Support time. Our anniversary is coming up in a week. So who do you think starts talking about going away for the weekend? They can be relentless at times. Does anyone else feel they will try to hold on no matter what? It is over, I have told you it is over, why oh why would we celebrate our 23rd anniversary?

So once, again I TRY and make it clear that we are over and there is nothing to celebrate. He says, ok I guess you don't go away and celebrate a divorce, do you? BINGO!!!

Here is your celebration!

bday7

Alone22

He just doesn't really get it. Toxic brain syndrome? Being logical is not an A's strong suit now is it. Well at least he seemed to understand once you explained again where you are at. If you are going to celebrate your divorce I doubt it will be with him.

Big hugs... has to be hard having an anniversary coming up when it is clearly not something to celebrate.

This year will be our 22nd, not sure there will be a 23rd.

PurpleWilder

With my XAH, I used to call this type of behavior "the magic of the foregone conclusion".

He is just gonna keep acting like whatever he wants is what you want and will completely ignore anything you have to say about it. There is no brain damage involved here - in my case, it was a form of manipulation used in the hopes that I would just get tired of it and give in.

For example, my XAH would say, "So, when are you gonna do XYZ?" and I would say, "I'm not doing that."

Two days later, it was, "So...how much money did you set aside to do XYZ? Remember, we talked about it?" Yes, but talking about it is not the same as agreeing to it, duh! He would act like it was a foregone conclusion that I would comply.

I still hate it.

lillamy

Same here. And you just reminded me, JRG, about our 15th anniversary. I was still desperately hanging on to hope that things would change, God would make AH stop drinking and being abusive, so I told him that I thought it would be nice if he could get me an anniversary ring for our 15th anniversary. His only response was, "Why? You really think this is something to celebrate?" (referring to our marriage).

And yet, when I left him a few years later, it "came out of nowhere" because "we had the perfect marriage."

Um yeah. Right.

zrx1200R

They will say and do anything. ANYTHING. He has nothing to lose. the worst you say is "get out of the house". Or maybe shoot him. But that is unlikely. The best case is he puts that little ***** in the armor. Then he puts another one. And before long, you've changed your mind. He's counting on it.

Stay strong. You are almost there. But you may need to move out. Every minute you are in the same house with him is a minute he is able to try his mojo.

boomerlady

Wow, does this hit home? We just had our anniversary on Thurs. and we are in MC right now. Things aren't looking good IMHO, but AH also doesn't get it. He didn't make a big deal of the anniversary other than suggesting at 8:45 pm that we have dinner at 8:45. It was a bit late for me so I had a dessert. However, in honor of this anniv., he has been telling me for weeks that we need to pay for a dance class together. Of course, that probably means I NEED to pay for a dance class since his $$'s go to the liquor store. I finally asked him what he wanted to get out of this dance class since pros charge $60 to $65 an hour here. He couldn't answer that question so who knows what's going through his mind. I was happy not to celebrate the anniv or make a big deal of it since I don't think there will be another.

PurpleSquirrel, I totally understand the comments about thinking that you think or want the same things they do. AH does this all the time and often minutes after me telling him I don't want to do whatever he wants to do. Drives me crazy too when you have to tell them over and over that you don't like something or don't want to do what they want.

m1k3

I moved out last weekend. June 23rd will be our 36th anniversary. My AW doesn't get it either. It really sucks to be thinking about divorce after all these years but there is no way I could ever live with her again. Before I moved out I tried to explain to her that it wasn't love that had died, it was hope. Of course she then went on to tell me that if I had no hope it must mean that I need therapy. That's when I tried to explain to her that I have lots of hope for me, that's why I'm moving out, I just didn't have any hope for us.

Seren

(((JRG))) Anniversaries are tough. I hope the house will see soon!

Hugs, HG

Eight Ball

It was my 23 yr wedding anniversary yesterday and it was the best anniversary that I have ever had because I put the focus on me!

I got a card from my mum (who had posted it before hearing the news that I was leaving my AH) and put it straight in the bin in front of AH.

I went and had my hair done in the morning, bought a brand new car in the afternoon and went out with my singing friends for dinner and to watch a singing show in the evening in a new dress I had purchased.

As I said, best anniversary ever!

zrx1200R

nothing quite like new car smell to take the edge off. Well done.

BobbyJ

Mine got served divorce papers on our 13th year a couple of weeks ago...

It was weird feeling!

Mine never remembered before. This year, a couple of days before, he said
Oh..do you know what day is coming up?

I changed the subject, because I knew what he was going to say

Funny, the conversation never came up again....

Alone22

M1K3... Before I moved out I tried to explain to her that it wasn't love that had died, it was hope. Perfectly said. I think I will always love my AH,we have spent so much of our lives together, been though so much, but what will end this marriage is the lack of hope...and I am pretty close to being there.

24Years

This past Wednesday was 26 years for us. I moved out in March. I took the day off, had lunch with my son and purchased a gift for myself in celebration of life. My AH is in huge denial. Life goes on...