Hello friends!!! Its been a long while
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Hello friends!!! Its been a long while
Since I have posted. Needless to say since I divorced my AH last November my life has changed for the better in every way. I finished 2 classes towards my Bachelors and did really well! I am so proud of myself. My new job is still wonderful. I am happy and serene. I have come a long way.
Some sad news..the first A in my life, my father suddenly passed away a couple of months ago. He was 60 and it was heart related. I am doing well considering but there is a profound sadness that the amends I had always hoped for will never come. I wrote a letter of amends and read it to him but I dont know if it helped. He caused so much pain in my life but I dont feel relieved he is gone. I feel sad. I can admit he was really trying to make an effort to finally be a father in the last year. And I can admit it was not something I wanted to open up too. I have learned no matter what type of relationship with a parent, the loss of one is tough. I guess since I am 36 I thought we still had time left but I learned a big lesson with this. Life is short and priceless.
I find it amazing that I felt saddness regarding his death. While looking through old family photos I saw how he looked at me when I was a baby and he wasnt a full fledged A yet and I saw love in his eyes. It comforted me some.
His death shook me to the core but my alanon tools helped. I was proud that when it came to the funeral arrangements I realized none of the rituals mattered too much so I just let everyone else make choices and only spoke up if something mattered to me. It was a more peaceful process than it would have been a few years ago before I found Alanon. I said goodbye with grace and dignity..its how I chose to live my life these days..
Hugs and I hope everyone has been well!
Lulu
Some sad news..the first A in my life, my father suddenly passed away a couple of months ago. He was 60 and it was heart related. I am doing well considering but there is a profound sadness that the amends I had always hoped for will never come. I wrote a letter of amends and read it to him but I dont know if it helped. He caused so much pain in my life but I dont feel relieved he is gone. I feel sad. I can admit he was really trying to make an effort to finally be a father in the last year. And I can admit it was not something I wanted to open up too. I have learned no matter what type of relationship with a parent, the loss of one is tough. I guess since I am 36 I thought we still had time left but I learned a big lesson with this. Life is short and priceless.
I find it amazing that I felt saddness regarding his death. While looking through old family photos I saw how he looked at me when I was a baby and he wasnt a full fledged A yet and I saw love in his eyes. It comforted me some.
His death shook me to the core but my alanon tools helped. I was proud that when it came to the funeral arrangements I realized none of the rituals mattered too much so I just let everyone else make choices and only spoke up if something mattered to me. It was a more peaceful process than it would have been a few years ago before I found Alanon. I said goodbye with grace and dignity..its how I chose to live my life these days..
Hugs and I hope everyone has been well!
Lulu
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Lulu,
I'm sorry for your loss. It's good that you have some recovery tools to fall back on. Death of a parent is always hard and often complex and you seem to be handling it as well as you can.
As I said on another post - I really hate this disease.
Hugs and love
Cats
I'm sorry for your loss. It's good that you have some recovery tools to fall back on. Death of a parent is always hard and often complex and you seem to be handling it as well as you can.
As I said on another post - I really hate this disease.
Hugs and love
Cats
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
(((((((((LuLu)))))))))))
I'm really sorry for you loss.
I lost my dad 5 months ago and its a very hard thing to go through...no doubt about it.
It really touched my heart when you said the look of love in your dad's eyes in old photos brought you comfort. I'm sure your dad loved you very much. This stupid disease...I hate it too.
Give yourself time to grieve. Its definitely a process.
Your al anon tools will help you alot.
My heart goes out to you...
Mary
I'm really sorry for you loss.
I lost my dad 5 months ago and its a very hard thing to go through...no doubt about it.
It really touched my heart when you said the look of love in your dad's eyes in old photos brought you comfort. I'm sure your dad loved you very much. This stupid disease...I hate it too.
Give yourself time to grieve. Its definitely a process.
Your al anon tools will help you alot.
My heart goes out to you...
Mary
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lulu))) - so sorry for your loss, but you seem to be doing really well at using your recovery toolbox. Losing a parent is hard, and I can only imagine it's harder when your parent was an A. I'm sure he loved you and is watching over you, very proud.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
(((((((((( LULU ))))))))))
Glad to see you back!
And sorry for the reason you were gone.
This stuff takes time.
Feel it - and do whatever you need to with it.
We're still here.
Glad to see you back!
And sorry for the reason you were gone.
This stuff takes time.
Feel it - and do whatever you need to with it.
We're still here.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
I'm so sorry for your loss Lulu. My A Father passed before I had a chance to make my peace with him and I'll regret that for the rest of my days.
BTW, grace , poise and dignity is a good way to live.
BTW, grace , poise and dignity is a good way to live.
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