prayforserenity

Registered last year and did not participate, went to AA found it wasn't for me though I stayed sober for about 8 mos (guilt-based and saw clients from my job so it was also unprofessional) and I hesitate to say I slipped/relapsed (though I did) but it was more like a conscious decision... I did some of the moderation management stuff for a few weeks and then just said, "Forget it" and pretty much gave in to the fact that I am (was?) a drinker.

It's weird; I felt/feel like AA taught me to be even MORE all or nothing than I was prior. I think the concepts are wonderful, steps, sponsor, the whole program. I'm just speaking for myself.. It gave me a "well, may as well dive right in!" attitude. Anyone else?

Today I am scared that my built in forgetter will erase the "Day After" guilt that comes with a bender (aka spent the past 3 nights getting blackout, worked during the day through some nausea and slight shakiness) and I don't want to go back to this.

I think I'm scared to try, because I'm scared to fail.





Again.

Missy7

I share your concern. I'm scared to really commit because I'm scared to fail. I have been spending a lot of time trying to figure it all out though. I guess we should wonder why we have that problem.

I have another part of my life I am scared to try to succeed at because I'm scared to fail--only it's a good thing. So this problem keeps us from fulfilling ourselves both in positive and negative ways. Somethin' to think about.

Welcome to SR. I love this place. If I would just live the life I read here--I would be so much better off.

Anna

Being afraid of failing when you are stopping drinking is normal. It's a very scary thing. But, know that you can do it. And, you don't have to go through this again.

I'm not an AA person, but I do work on my recovery every day. In a way, I'm lucky because my bottom was not something I will ever forget. Why don't you come back here if you feel that way in a few days, and read what you've written.

prayforserenity

[QUOTE=Missy7;2965705]I share your concern. I'm scared to really commit because I'm scared to fail. I have been spending a lot of time trying to figure it all out though. I guess we should wonder why we have that problem.


Exactly, so annoying. I read a couple of your other posts, you're karaoke girl right?

I'm so scared at how my emotions dictate my behavior. I don't want to feel like a failure........... It's like the quote: Alcohol; cause of and solution to all of life's problems. That is me.

prayforserenity

Anna- such a good idea. I am having trouble sticking to things, even small personal goals.

I should start a journal. I have a lot of "shoulds". Anyone get this weird lack of motivation thing? Everything feels overwhelming.

Soberween

((Prayforserenity)) maybe print out your original post on this thread and put it in your/a journal. I also made a list of pros and cons of drinking and not drinking. The cons far outweighed the pros. I think the only pro I had was "tend to be bored w/o wine." Now, I'm not thinking along those at all anymore. I doubt my liver is/was bored trying to get all that toxic **** out of my system. Good luck! You can do this and you won't regret it.

prayforserenity

Thanks..

I find that I really need the motivation from yall as well as a little less ambivalence..

Dee74

Hi prayforserenity

I think everyone who's ever tried to quit knows the fear of the task ahead, the fear of change and the fear of 'what if I fail'...and a lot of us have given up, dumped our load and gone back to drinking...

I don't honestly think 'that's AA' because I've never been in AA - but it is alcoholism as I know it.

Support was key for me. I needed other voices but my own, and I needed support, encouragement, and guidance from those who've done it before.

You'll find a lot of that here

Welcome back

D

artsoul

Welcome back! I relate to the fear of failing too, but after all the times I failed to quit, I began to have a stronger fear of what would happen if I didn't.

What works for me is coming here daily - it helps combat that "built-in forgetter" you talked about. If you read enough of the "day 1" posts, your memory will come back.

Taking it one day at a time is another huge help. At first, I had to break it down even further. I find that I can always get through the next minute without a drink.

Hang in there!

least

Welcome back. I hope this is your time to get sober. Living sober is so worth the effort.

crittery

Firstly, eight months is a good amount of time to be clean, so you should be proud of that. I think you can make it for the long haul, and you should think so too. Relapses come with a LOT of guilt and regret, and you're not going to forget that in a hurry! So give it another shot and focus on living, whenever you feel like picking up a drink your mind will come back to this point, and you'll know that it's not worth the risk.

Serenity's just around the corner.

CatFry

Welcome back