SarahBear

I believe being with someone through "thick and thin" but stealing money is a dealbreaker. I know most likely he probably won't want to talk or see me again when I no longer enable him to support his drug addiction.

I wrote a letter of what I'm going to say and why I can no longer see him while he battling with his drug addiction problems.

mooselips

Sarah,
You owe him nothing, no explanation. He probably won't be able to deceiver the feelings in the letter, anyway.

Just let go, if he calls, tell him you've moved on.
Cut and dry.

He stole from you for heavens sake.

Taking5

Letters are a terrible idea anyway, even for a sober guy. A drinking/using guy will pay no attention to it. Just move on and go no contact.

SarahBear

I was going to read out loud what I wrote in the letter

eaglette

If it makes you feel better, do it. I wrote a million letters to my ex. Looking back, I see that he had no idea what I was talking about. Eventually he just got angry. If you want to write him a letter, go ahead if it will give you closure. My advice would be to forget about any response...If he does respond, it isn't likely to be anything that will help you. Then leave.

laurie6781

Listen to Moose. The letter is for you, giving it to him, or reading it to him ............................ he won't 'get it.'

If you have watched "Intervention" on A&E and they get to the part were family members start reading to them what they feel, etc and many times if the camera does focus on the A you can see they have 'blocked' it out they are not hearing what is being said, but they know they are in deep chit.

If and when you hear from him a simple "I have moved on." Will suffice. Sure he will ask why, you do not need to answer, as a matter of fact you should have already hung up. As soon as you try and answer any question you will get the QUACKING and it won't stop.

You will do what you want to do, but I hope for your sake you do what is best for you.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

SarahBear

He does the silent treatment as a form of control/manipulation. Makes me mad to no end. I do think I can tell now that I think about it when it looks as if he's "blocking" it out when saying something to him he doesn't want to hear. I've also noticed now he shuts down "emotionally"/gets quiet after getting what he wants.

SarahBear

Good point there. When I confronted him about the money he stole, he turned my words around to make it look like I had lost the money

Babyblue

If in the back of your mind you are expecting him to react, respond, change, apologize, grovel, seek recovery or anything else with that letter, you will be very disappointed.

Even when we say 'I am doing it just for myself', there is still a shred of expectation that reading our words will trigger something in our favor.

It never works that way. Ever.

Be honest with yourself why you need for him to read the letter. Write it if you must then tear it up or put it away. He has no need for it; has probably been called out a million times by others for his addict behavior and one more letter won't make a difference.

I'm sorry he hurt you but a letter won't have any impact. Or if he reacts any, it will be a negative impact.

outtolunch

What do you intend to accomplish with the letter?

SarahBear

saying what I want to get it off of my mind to him. I was going to keep it short

suki44883

Sometimes we have to accept the fact that we just won't get the "closure" we want. We don't always get the last word. We don't get to make them feel badly for what we feel they did to us. We don't have the power to change them. At some point, we have to accept that.