One day in, feeling hopeless.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: janesville, wi
Posts: 1
One day in, feeling hopeless.
I don't know if this will help. It kind of feels like nothing can at this point. I spent all of my teens and now years of my adult life coping with problems using drugs and alcohol. How do i stop now? How do I face this? My drinking has just resulted in me losing my soul mate. And the worst part is, I don't even remember the night when I did the things that finally pushed him over the edge and out of my life. And nothing can undo it. All I can do now is finally face the reality that my drinking is destroying my life. I can't make bills, my car barely runs, and I couldn't afford Easter gifts for my kids. Every extra, or not extra dollar I have goes into gas, cigarettes or drinking. I quit drinking once before, for almost 5 years. And smoking for 4. The other things..... 7 years. Then I started having problems in my marriage which ultimately led to a divorce, and I spiraled back down, even further than before. It has now been almost four years since I started using my various vices again. I need to get sober, but I am struggling to deal with the fact that I've just destroyed my family, and I can't even remember the terrible things I did and said. I can't get drunk tonight, the kids are home, but I am terrified of being here alone on the nights the kids are with my ex husband. I stopped using other things months ago, but now going through this break up has led to me smoking pot again. In an effort to not drink. I don't know how to cope without something, but I want to just be a normal mom, a sober mom. And it may be too late to be with the man I was meant to, but maybe, in time, I can find some measure of happiness if I can achieve sobriety. I just have no support system, and so I turned to the internet for help. Can this help? Will typing it and sending it out to no one in particular somehow keep me from the bar tomorrow night? I start treatment next week hopefully, going early before work. Afraid of that too though. I imagine it will be a painful emotional trip to sobriety, and if either of my employers found out I was in treatment.... well it wouldn't be great. I can't afford to take time off for it, I've got myself so far in the hole that just isn't an option.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 87
Jrosey, it was very brave of you to post. Congratulations on taking that very scary first step. I've only been here one day, but already can tell you that you will find a lot of support with these good people. I'm so new at recovery that I don't have much to offer in terms of advice other than to keep reading and posting. You will be supported here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
hi Jrosey
you do what we all did - you take things a day at a time, you do everything you can to stay sober, and you start rebuilding your life piece by piece, bit by bit, little by little.
Just posting stuff won't get you sober though, no - and I think you know that - it takes work and commitment - but you will find a lot of support here and a lot of ideas
It sounds like you could use a little face to face support too.
Have you considered face to face support like AA, SMART or some kind of counselling?
D
you do what we all did - you take things a day at a time, you do everything you can to stay sober, and you start rebuilding your life piece by piece, bit by bit, little by little.
Just posting stuff won't get you sober though, no - and I think you know that - it takes work and commitment - but you will find a lot of support here and a lot of ideas
It sounds like you could use a little face to face support too.
Have you considered face to face support like AA, SMART or some kind of counselling?
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
jrosey,
I'm glad you found SR, this site has been a great source of information and support for me, I hope you find the same. Those first few days are more than difficult, but you can do this, a minute or second at a time if need be.
Welcome!
I'm glad you found SR, this site has been a great source of information and support for me, I hope you find the same. Those first few days are more than difficult, but you can do this, a minute or second at a time if need be.
Welcome!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome, and yes it can definitely help to be here. We do understand what you're going through.
I remember being on the edge when I knew I would have to face the awful messes I'd made or continue to drink and destroy my health. It was so scary and I had to take a leap of faith that I could get through it. I did, and you can too. You can begin to rebuild your life and to feel good about yourself.
Get rid of the alcohol in the house and don't buy more. I changed my daily routine and that helped a lot. Drive home from work a different way, call someone, go out for a walk, do whatever it takes to stay sober.
I remember being on the edge when I knew I would have to face the awful messes I'd made or continue to drink and destroy my health. It was so scary and I had to take a leap of faith that I could get through it. I did, and you can too. You can begin to rebuild your life and to feel good about yourself.
Get rid of the alcohol in the house and don't buy more. I changed my daily routine and that helped a lot. Drive home from work a different way, call someone, go out for a walk, do whatever it takes to stay sober.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the family. I gave it up for good (finally) almost 17 months ago and have rebuilt my life since getting sober. It took work and determination but it's worth the effort. You can do this. I see a wonderful addiction counselor once a week. It's been a lot of help to me.
I gave it up for good (finally) almost 17 months ago and have rebuilt my life since getting sober. It took work and determination but it's worth the effort. You can do this. I see a wonderful addiction counselor once a week. It's been a lot of help to me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
JRosey: Welcome to SR! I will answer one of your questions. Yes. Typing your struggles and your goals and sending them out into the world will help you avoid going to a bar tonight. The process of writing is a learning experience. What you write becomes real in your mind. Write that you are going to take care of yourself and you will be more likely to.
Keep writing. I will not go to a bar tonight either. I won't.
And I won't drink tomorrow night either. We are all in this together. We will share our negatives and our positives and others will benefit from hearing their own stories echoed in ours.
I have done many things I don't remember. Please understand that you might well imagine it worse than it was. That's part of the blackout--it's a dark place in our mind so we will it in darkly.
Good luck to you. Keep coming back.
Keep writing. I will not go to a bar tonight either. I won't.
And I won't drink tomorrow night either. We are all in this together. We will share our negatives and our positives and others will benefit from hearing their own stories echoed in ours.
I have done many things I don't remember. Please understand that you might well imagine it worse than it was. That's part of the blackout--it's a dark place in our mind so we will it in darkly.
Good luck to you. Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Welcome jrosey. I know all to well that feeling of impeding self created doom. That feeling of knowing that I would get drunk tomorrow, wanting so bad not to do it, but it seeming impossible to prevent.
The fact is, left on my own, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PREVENT. I had to find another way. For me that meant AA. I also participate in this site a ton.
I used to sit around and wait for my thinking / desires to change. They never did. It wasn't until I got active that my mind followed.
If it can happen for all of us, it can happen for you. There is a miracle out there just waiting for you to go get it. Why not try? What do you have to lose???
The fact is, left on my own, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PREVENT. I had to find another way. For me that meant AA. I also participate in this site a ton.
I used to sit around and wait for my thinking / desires to change. They never did. It wasn't until I got active that my mind followed.
If it can happen for all of us, it can happen for you. There is a miracle out there just waiting for you to go get it. Why not try? What do you have to lose???
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by jrosey 
I can't get drunk tonight, the kids are home, but I am terrified of being here alone on the nights the kids are with my ex husband. I stopped using other things months ago, but now going through this break up has led to me smoking pot again. In an effort to not drink. I don't know how to cope without something, but I want to just be a normal mom, a sober mom.
Think back to the first time you jumped off a diving board into a pool. You were probably scared. The diving board felt like it was 20 feet high, and the water looked like it was only two feet deep.
If you can't remember that far back, think back to when your kids first had to do this.
You can keep trying to jump, or you can take a leap of faith. Just like with the diving board, eventually it won't be scary anymore, but just like with the diving board, that will only happen after you jump.
From what you wrote above, it seems to me that your kids matter a lot to you. You may need some motivation to take that leap of faith. If it helps you to think of your kids, and what you want for them, in order to get that motivation, USE THAT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.
I am sure that there are plenty of people on here who where in a similar situation as you. Stick around, I'm sure some other mothers will reach out to you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum! We all know that place - it's painful to drink and painful to think about not drinking. AA suggests taking it one day at a time (or one hour at a time at first), and don't think about the other days - they'll get here soon enough.
If you think you're going to have withdrawal symptoms, see a doctor (even an "immediate care" clinic). Stick close to this forum (read, read, read) and get some books on alcoholism or research it on the internet. Think about trying out some AA meetings or other programs. You don't have to do it all in one day though......
I can assure you that things will get better.... you're not alone.....:ghug3
If you think you're going to have withdrawal symptoms, see a doctor (even an "immediate care" clinic). Stick close to this forum (read, read, read) and get some books on alcoholism or research it on the internet. Think about trying out some AA meetings or other programs. You don't have to do it all in one day though......
I can assure you that things will get better.... you're not alone.....:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
I will forever remember being shackled to a hospital bed in 1996 after having my stomach pumped. There was a priest who kept looking in on me and would say, "feel the pain."
God, how I hated him.
I've come to understand pain as the most honest feeling I can have. And if I'm able to recognize that- the fundamental truth behind the pain-- I might have an opportunity for growth and change.
This feeling you have tonight, this awful heaviness-- what's the truth behind it?
You know, hopelessness can be cathartic. It can redirect us forever. We just have to be willing, and done.
God, how I hated him.
I've come to understand pain as the most honest feeling I can have. And if I'm able to recognize that- the fundamental truth behind the pain-- I might have an opportunity for growth and change.
This feeling you have tonight, this awful heaviness-- what's the truth behind it?
You know, hopelessness can be cathartic. It can redirect us forever. We just have to be willing, and done.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome Jrosey...glad you're here.
Those bad choices we make more often than not will eventually lead us to feeling like a failure. The sooner you stop the sooner you will be on the road to being that normal sober mom you want to be. (And you are ultimately crossaddicting by now using pot instead of booze) You need to get to the root of why you feel the need to self destruct.
Once you stop, things get better. Once you stop, you gain back your self respect. Once you stop, you realize that your bad choices aren't as necessary as you thought. You'll feel renewed, refreshed -a new world opens. One of sobriety. One where you can fully be there for your kids all the time.
I raised 4 kids (all 18 and over now) and am now picking up the pieces from a 30 year drinking binge. I've been thru divorce, house in forclosure, separated from my (now) husband. January I lost my job and quit drinking. I am amazed at myself, my life, my dreams and goals, my sense of being. Its absolutely invigorating.
One day at a time, Jrosey. You can do it. Glad you found us.
Those bad choices we make more often than not will eventually lead us to feeling like a failure. The sooner you stop the sooner you will be on the road to being that normal sober mom you want to be. (And you are ultimately crossaddicting by now using pot instead of booze) You need to get to the root of why you feel the need to self destruct.
Once you stop, things get better. Once you stop, you gain back your self respect. Once you stop, you realize that your bad choices aren't as necessary as you thought. You'll feel renewed, refreshed -a new world opens. One of sobriety. One where you can fully be there for your kids all the time.
I raised 4 kids (all 18 and over now) and am now picking up the pieces from a 30 year drinking binge. I've been thru divorce, house in forclosure, separated from my (now) husband. January I lost my job and quit drinking. I am amazed at myself, my life, my dreams and goals, my sense of being. Its absolutely invigorating.
One day at a time, Jrosey. You can do it. Glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Welcome JRosey!
In the very early days my single goal was to not drink before going to bed. That was it. That day, that hour, that minute. Forward thinking was futile to me and caused me too much pain. Very quickly I had something to look back on that I didn't have to regret. Moments became a day. Sometimes - just make it through "RIGHT NOW" and don't drink. I've come here to vent some of my toughest struggles.
I've found solice being around other recovering alcoholics/addicts gives me solice in knowing we have all done many things we're ashamed of - but that doesn't have to be who we are anymore.
My best to you and your recovery.
In the very early days my single goal was to not drink before going to bed. That was it. That day, that hour, that minute. Forward thinking was futile to me and caused me too much pain. Very quickly I had something to look back on that I didn't have to regret. Moments became a day. Sometimes - just make it through "RIGHT NOW" and don't drink. I've come here to vent some of my toughest struggles.
I've found solice being around other recovering alcoholics/addicts gives me solice in knowing we have all done many things we're ashamed of - but that doesn't have to be who we are anymore.
My best to you and your recovery.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Welcome JRosey: I started my journey with a pencil and a piece of paper. Some good people here on SR told me to make a plan for sobriety.
That was a great piece of advice. I made the plan to find an outpatient recovery treatment program and attend my first AA meeting. I did both of those things. I have done many, many more things since then.
One of the cornerstones of the AA program is getting "Into Action". We recover by doing things, not just thinking about it.
I suggest AA but I do not think it is the only show in town: there are alternative programs of recovery that I also suggest. Many people have recovered using primarily SR....whatever works, use it!
I see that you have already planned on treatment: that is great news. I have honestly never heard anyone complain about treatment who did not honestly want to quit.
That was a great piece of advice. I made the plan to find an outpatient recovery treatment program and attend my first AA meeting. I did both of those things. I have done many, many more things since then.
One of the cornerstones of the AA program is getting "Into Action". We recover by doing things, not just thinking about it.
I suggest AA but I do not think it is the only show in town: there are alternative programs of recovery that I also suggest. Many people have recovered using primarily SR....whatever works, use it!
I see that you have already planned on treatment: that is great news. I have honestly never heard anyone complain about treatment who did not honestly want to quit.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 62
Hey JRosey! (:
Good for you for finding yourself here! It's definitely a step in a good direction for you. Every step toward sobriety is good, no matter how small it may seem to you.
I felt compelled to write as I feel I am in somewhat of a similar situation as you. I too, recently lost who I felt I was "meant to be with" because of my drinking. I don't know if you lost them forever, but I know I lost mine forever and it definitely hurts like crazy, especially when we know it's due to something we did.
I also have a child. The way I try to cope with the pain of losing my relationship with my boyfriend is... Maybe this was suppose to happen -- maybe it's time the world/universe/life showed me that I NEEDED to stop drinking. Up until now, I have had lots of opportunities to view how dangerous drinking had became for me, but I ignored them... Now I lost something BIG, something huge... I lost what I viewed as my "forever."
but I still (luckily) haven't lost my relationship with my child... but if I continue to go the way I am -- eventually I will -- like my mother lost with me. While my heartbreak sucks, it still is not my child... and I choose not to let this life lesson be in vain, and will choose to learn from this experience... because next it may be my child.
I don't know if that helps at all. Trust me, I've only been a couple days in and already sometimes I find it hard to keep every thing in perspective... but it helps.
Good luck to you... You can do it.
Good for you for finding yourself here! It's definitely a step in a good direction for you. Every step toward sobriety is good, no matter how small it may seem to you.
I felt compelled to write as I feel I am in somewhat of a similar situation as you. I too, recently lost who I felt I was "meant to be with" because of my drinking. I don't know if you lost them forever, but I know I lost mine forever and it definitely hurts like crazy, especially when we know it's due to something we did.
I also have a child. The way I try to cope with the pain of losing my relationship with my boyfriend is... Maybe this was suppose to happen -- maybe it's time the world/universe/life showed me that I NEEDED to stop drinking. Up until now, I have had lots of opportunities to view how dangerous drinking had became for me, but I ignored them... Now I lost something BIG, something huge... I lost what I viewed as my "forever."
but I still (luckily) haven't lost my relationship with my child... but if I continue to go the way I am -- eventually I will -- like my mother lost with me. While my heartbreak sucks, it still is not my child... and I choose not to let this life lesson be in vain, and will choose to learn from this experience... because next it may be my child.
I don't know if that helps at all. Trust me, I've only been a couple days in and already sometimes I find it hard to keep every thing in perspective... but it helps.
Good luck to you... You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Hi Jrosey;
again welcome....i can understand how sad and scared you are feeling...please just get through this one day at a time...I can tell you that when I was starting to get sober, I had a LOT of the same credit issues to...as my mind cleared, my $$$ increased from not spending on booze. you will feel a sense of accomplishment as you get more sober days under your belt.
AA does not charge and you can chec k if there are meetings in your area in the evening.
again welcome....i can understand how sad and scared you are feeling...please just get through this one day at a time...I can tell you that when I was starting to get sober, I had a LOT of the same credit issues to...as my mind cleared, my $$$ increased from not spending on booze. you will feel a sense of accomplishment as you get more sober days under your belt.
AA does not charge and you can chec k if there are meetings in your area in the evening.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Hi Jrosey, welcome to Sober Recovery, this is a great place to ask for, give and receive help. Your story sounds very similar to mine. For many years I carried around the guilt of what I had done. The people I hurt, the bridges I had burned. The only way I knew how to deal with these feelings was to numb them with alcohol and pot, but that kept digging the hole deeper. I finally reached the conclusion that I only had two choices. I could keep doing what I was doing and continue to get what I was getting (depression, hopeless thoughts of self harm, etc.) or I could stop, reach out for some help and see if I could somehow make things better. Now understand, THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. That ship has sailed and it is not coming back. However, you are not doomed to continue to make the same mistakes over and over again, you do have the power within you to change.
You have made a good first step by posting here. For a long time I thought that would be enough, but for me it wasn't. I am involved with a substance abuse therapy group, I see a therapist for weekly one on one sessions, I have a psychiatric who helps me manage my mental health issues, I am open with those who care about me telling them what is going on in my life, and I post here. I am lucky to have good insurance through my job that helps pay for much of this, but all of the things listed above can be done for free or reduced charges if you don't have the insurance or financial means to pay for it.
Of course there are also many free recovery groups like AA or NA as well as SMART in some areas. The decision is yours, and I know it is not easy. I know you feel horrible. I know you probably lye in bed at night and beat yourself up for all the many things you have f'd up in your life. But as much as we hate it, there is NOTHING we can do about the past. You can continue to make the same mistakes and get the same results, or you can try something different. There is no guarantee that things will get better immediately. But in time, if you do the right things, it will get better. I can guarantee if you continue to do the same things you will continue to suffer and it will only get worse.
I've spent the last 20+ years screwing up my life, and to be sure, it's not going to get fixed in a couple of weeks or months, or even years for that matter. In fact, it's not going to get "fixed" at all, it's just going to be different, better I hope. I wish you all the best and hope you stick around. This community can be a great help and support. Take care.
You have made a good first step by posting here. For a long time I thought that would be enough, but for me it wasn't. I am involved with a substance abuse therapy group, I see a therapist for weekly one on one sessions, I have a psychiatric who helps me manage my mental health issues, I am open with those who care about me telling them what is going on in my life, and I post here. I am lucky to have good insurance through my job that helps pay for much of this, but all of the things listed above can be done for free or reduced charges if you don't have the insurance or financial means to pay for it.
Of course there are also many free recovery groups like AA or NA as well as SMART in some areas. The decision is yours, and I know it is not easy. I know you feel horrible. I know you probably lye in bed at night and beat yourself up for all the many things you have f'd up in your life. But as much as we hate it, there is NOTHING we can do about the past. You can continue to make the same mistakes and get the same results, or you can try something different. There is no guarantee that things will get better immediately. But in time, if you do the right things, it will get better. I can guarantee if you continue to do the same things you will continue to suffer and it will only get worse.
I've spent the last 20+ years screwing up my life, and to be sure, it's not going to get fixed in a couple of weeks or months, or even years for that matter. In fact, it's not going to get "fixed" at all, it's just going to be different, better I hope. I wish you all the best and hope you stick around. This community can be a great help and support. Take care.
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