Taking5

Wow here is a new one.

An acquaintance of mine was arrested and lost his job several months ago. After getting out of jail he went into rehab for alcohol and cocaine issues. He lost his job (he was stealing from his employer) in the process. He lives several states away and has never heard of my history with alcohol.

After he got out of rehab I reached out to him and told him my story. He is going to AA/NA and seems to be doing well but there is no way for me to tell being 1,000 miles away.

Now he wants me to "recommend him" for several job opportunities and on his linked-in page. What the heck do I do? From a technical, job standpoint he is quite well qualified but I am reluctant to recommend him to anyone.

Any insights appreciated.

DayTrader

Pray on it, inventory it (find out what your "real" motives / hangups are) and speak to your sponsor.

I can go either way on this: It's just Linked in......who chares? // Don't do ANYTHING that you're not 100% behind.

I guess I don't know LinkedIn as anything more than an underused Facebook wanna-be for working ppl. I dunno that you're putting some big reputation on the line by recommending someone on that site.......maybe you are thought and I'm in the dark.

Mark75

Then don't.

You can tell him that you cannot recommend him without seeing and knowing him, now... He should be used to rigorous honesty by now... rehab, 12 step programs... and you only owe him that... truth and honesty.


A recommendation is just something you cannot give, at least at this time.

Sugah

I've been asked, and my response is that I have to be honest. If I've known someone ten years but have only seen them sober and responsible for three weeks, that's all the positive observation I can offer. What gets me (and this has happened a few times) is when prospective employers call asking for a reference because someone put my name or my husband's on a job application--without asking or alerting us. I guess they do it because, between our community activism and my husband's profession, our name is familiar with a lot of people. I don't lie. I don't offer damaging information, but I have said, "I have no basis to judge work ethic" -- because if someone is suiting up and showing up, it's not for me to judge if it's a serious effort or a veneer.

Be honest with this guy about what you're willing--and not willing--to do for him. That's my suggestion.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Ananda

This interests me as a topic because I am on the other side.

I quit my job over 18 months ago after drinking for 2 days after 2 years of sobriety. For many reasons, it was clear that the job was eating me alive and I was loosing my ability to do the job.

I had the top ratings on all my evaluations up to that point. I thought I left on good terms, but found out 2 weeks ago that they were upset with how I left things (details not important...I'm inventorying this stuff now)...

So...now I know that my references were not good for the last 18 months..what to do...I considered my AA friends. I have opted not to use them. They have no real knowledge of my work other than the version I have.

But I can understand why someone would ask for a reference...especially if you do have knowledge of their work history and abilities. I have been asked to provide references only twice in 25 years by AA members. One was to be a dishwasher and he had 2 years sober...I gave it and he quit in one day LOL
The other was a woman I sponsored, without permission to use me...I told the truth which was I cannot recommend her or not recommend her. She wanted a reference to work in a half way house that my sponsor was the director of. She got the job. She did well. Truth is I didn't like her and would never hire her! But I simply opted out of being a reference by providing no feedback.

AA and jobs is a tricky thing...The big book talks about it. So read the big book and look for this stuff..then meditate and do something that you can feel you were honest and doesn't involve your ego ...inventory.

Veritas1

What could it hurt to help this person?

Everyone needs someone to help them to get their life turned around.

bellakeller

Sometimes people telling me "no" taught me the biggest lessons and granted me the greatest leaps in maturity.

Also, people saying "no" gave me an example of how to take care of one's self and how to respond with integrity in sobriety.

recycle

What a good question - thanks. I would ask him: "What would you have me say, that I can be honest about?" If he wants you to embellish the truth, it should be an easy matter to to take Mark's advice.