whatcomesnxt

I haven't used Opiates nor Xanax since I went c/t Nov 27, 2010. My allergies have been driving me nuts for the last 2 weeks. And without much thought I've been taking Benedryl for the last 4 nights (once a night before bed only at night)! This morning my husband said "what are you taking you seem high". I went on the defense and stood my ground cause in my mind I had not taken any "drugs". To be honest I did feel a little funky this morning I guess I was just hoping he would not notice. He then searched all my old hiding spots and found ONE old Xanax that I had forgotten all about. I remember putting it away for an emergency. How could I be so stupid? He was pi$$ed he threatened divorce and stormed out!! He has given me so many chances, I have relapsed after every surgery (3 in the last two years). And he has stuck eith me through the ups and downs of Opiate and Benzo addiction (Prescribed after many surgeries and painful complications). How could Benedryl alter me to the state where it was obvious to him? And as much as my husband wants me to get better he looks down on NA. He wants me to do it on my own, but I don't think I know how! I just dont know what to do. I don't know what the he$$ I'm doing wrong and I'm certainly not doing much right or I wouldn't be in this dark place AGAIN!! HELP!! I dont want to give my addiction more then it has already taken from me. I will not let it take my family too!

Missy7

This is serious and you are so brave. I've been married a lot of years (28) and my husband used to have a serious anger problem (understatement) which I believe we have overcome, so I feel qualified to make a recommendation.

First, I think everyone on here believes whole heartedly that you need to do this. I don't know what they will say about benadryl. But I would send your husband on an all out search for hidden pills and things -- BTW I have hidden pills myself many times.

Recently I turned it though. When I knew I was in trouble with the pain pills, I gave them to my husband and told him to hide them from me. If I wanted one I had to ask. He was to give it to me if it was at all reasonable and not life threatening. The reason I took this step was because when I was hungover I often considered taking them all. So he parceled them out on busy afternoons and when I woke up sick. Worked fine. He still knows where they are--I don't.

So I'm suggesting that it might make him feel more in control if you give him that control. He can control allergy meds too. IF YOU TRUST HIM.

Just an idea. This is a serious problem for you and I know you know, since you managed to quit xanax already.

Love to you. Marriage is sometimes very hard but honestly, making it through the tough times leaves you with a better love than you ever had in middle school! Such a surprise. So get him close.

whatcomesnxt

Missy 7 thank you so much for your input. I do trust him and I'm well aware that my situation is very serious. In the past I have given him control over my pills before surgery (you know while I was sober and could still think clearly), but once I was high I would fight with him non-stop untill he gave them to me. When he finally did after a few days of binging, I felt so ashamed that I couldn't continue taking pills. Then I would do what I always do, I say I'm sorry and that that was the last time, but it never has been. I'm just don't know what to do!

Latte

Talk to your doctor about other options for allergy meds. There are some non drowsy ones out there, I take one and it is OTC too.

That won't solve the trust issue with your husband, that just takes time. A lot of time.

Missy7

I guess the question is, how can you make yourself trust his judgment? How can you not fight with him about it? I actually think you probably shouldn't be taking them since you are already aware. I wasn't done using when I made this up. But even just telling him that he can have that power might help.

And I guess if he can't cope that way, ask him what he will accept. If the relationship is solid, there is a way to do this. Nasty habits are nothing in a marriage.

I asked my husband the other day if he had ever wanted to leave me because I'm a user (of whatever I can get). He was surprised I would ask. Kind of a nice response.

artsoul

I guess I'm wondering why he would look down on something that could help you stay clean and sober? Does he know that addicts and alcoholics can't do this on our own?

As far as allergies go, perhaps a talk with a doctor would help you figure out the best way to go......

Hope things smooth out for you soon......

whatcomesnxt

Artsoul, I have asked myself that question many times. And honestly, I was pissed when he told me he felt that way! I was personally offended when he said he was afaraid of the kind of people that went to NA. You can understand why I was offended, "the kinda people that went to NA that he looks down upon" are just like ME!! I know her wantsme to beat this, I just dont know how to make him understand.

artsoul

I don't know if NA has open meetings, but AA does....... Maybe he would be willing to go with you to see what they're like. Or find a women's meeting...... Maybe others here can comment more on what NA is like as I've only attended AA. I always felt totally safe.....

!
Had to smile at that one!

The thing with meetings is that the people there are clean/sober - it's probably more dangerous out on the streets!

Dee74

Hi and welcome whatcomesnext

A lot of us had to deal with a lot of mistrust and hostility from loved ones when getting sober.

I know I hurt the people I loved many many times over. Although its hard to do you have to try and put that out of your mind for now and focus on your recovery.

What your husband thinks of NA is really immaterial here - if you think it will help you, go for it - this is your problem and your recovery, not his.

I hope once he sees that you are committed and you are making real changes he may soften his stance.

As for benedryl - I've read many threads here of people who have had problems from regular use, so I would, like someone else suggested, go and see your Dr and lay all this on the table and get some professional advice, especially on allergy meds.

You'll find a lot of support here - welcome to SR
D

Stride34

Are you taking the benadryl strictly for allergies or also to help you sleep? it does have a strong drowsy effect. when i was active in my oxy addiction i would combine it with benadryl when i went to sleep and it would knock me OUT..i also would alternate with advil pm which has the same active sedative as benadryl. i avoid all this stuff like the plague now... I'd switch to a non-mood altering allergy medicine..