ollie-o

My exhusband is a homeless alcoholic.Lately he's been drinking everyday.He threatens me and comes after me and gets violent when drunk.We have 2 kids together,who I have full custody of.2 Tuesdays ago he got really drunk,and came banging on my door.He wouldn't leave so my mom and I called the police.They took him to the hospital.8 hours later he was back,at midnight,screaming in my yard.Calling me names,and just screaming.We called the police again.Again they took him to the hospital.About 10 hours later he was back at my house,totally obliviated,passed out on my porch.I honestly thought he was dead,he wouldn't move when I touched him and he had peed himself.Then I noticed he was breathing.I called the police again,again he went to the hospital.Thursday morning I went and got a restraining order.He cannot come near me or the kids.He called me and told me he was going to detox.I told him about the restraining order.He cried and kept asking why I did that to him.Didn't hear from him again until Tuesday,when he called for clothes,which are still sitting on my side porch.Haven't heard from him again.

The restraining order is not in effect because they can't find him to serve him.So now I am terrified of him.He's never stayed away this long,and I have no idea what he will do if he gets drunk again and comes here.He's snuck in through my fire escape before,and broke the locks on the window.

Our daughter,who is 12,is really upset about daddy.She's very worried about him.I don't know what to say.I've told her about his alcoholism,and how he is very sick right now.Our 9 year old son,who is autistic,is glad daddy hasn't been around.He favors our daughter over our son.I ordered a few books on amazon about parents drinking.I'm hoping that will help them get through this.I also put our daughter in therapy.I'm trying to find somewhere that will take my son for therapy,but haven't found anywhere yet.

I was thinking Alateen for the oldest,but there are no local meetings.

I'm just going crazy.I am worried about him.But at the same time I am scared.I'm about to go back to my old ways of coping,which are not good.I went out and got a tattoo,which helped a little.The pain makes me feel real,so I know this is not a dream.I have issues of my own.No drinking,but my mental health is not good.I'm on disability.It's all I can do is get up and make sure my kids go to school,and are happy fed and clean.I do the laundry,clean the cat boxes,and that's about it.I'm so depressed.

I've tried Alanon,but I didn't feel right at the meetings I went to.Plus finding a babysitter for my 9 year old is tough,especailly with his autism.

I just want to feel happy again.I was with my ex for over 10 years,divorced for 4,and he still has ruled our lives,up until now.I just don't know what to do with myself,and how best to help my kids.

Buffalo66

no time for a full post, but you came back to the right place!

Please keep coming back and posting, and maybe we can help you figure some things out.
Im sorry you are living with this.

laurie6781

If he shows up at your house again, call the police, they can serve the order right then and there.

IT was good you got the order. His children do not need to see him in this condition.

It is sad, but we have to remember some A's just never get it.

Glad to see you posting again, please keep it up and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care so very much.

Love and hugs,

Babyblue

My son is also autistic.

Not sure how old your son is but if he is in a public school or if he is in a special education program; ask to speak with the school/district psychologist who may be able to refer you to a behaviorist/therapist specializing in autistic kids.

Tuffgirl

I am sorry to read your story...that sounds terrible. Welcome back to Sr, and I hope you can find some serenity here.

I know its difficult, but Al-Anon can be very helpful...know you said you tried but often it takes quite a few tries before something...anything...sticks there. It took me several months to stop driving to meetings and then right past meetings...the last time I did that I pulled over, and told myself, "Tuffgirl, you are being ridiculous and embarrassing here" and made myself go back. From that day forward, I have been attending faithfully 3x a week.

Books help, and there are a lot of great resources on this site.

Take care of yourself - you have your hands full already with two kids who need your guidance and protection through this.

Stay strong!
~T

japabp2000

Aww honey I'm so sorry to hear that your ex is tormenting you and your kids, well not so much your ex, but your ex's disease rather. I wish that I had answers..the only thing that I can say is hang in there. I know that doesn't solve anything but I just want you to know that I will keep you and your kids in my prayers. I'm glad that you got the restraining order and I hope that he gets the help he needs, and soon! ((((Hugs))))

ollie-o

Thank you all so much.I still haven't heard from him.I'm glad but at the same time I'm worried about him.I'm hoping he's out getting help.The kids are doing better,I read my son the book "My dad loves me,my dad has a disease" and I think he understood.My oldest starts therapy on the 28th.I hope it helps her.I will try calling my son's school to see if they can refer me to a therapist for him,I hadn't thought of that.

I'm still feeling a lot of anxiety and depression.I guess it's going to take time to feel happy again.Thanks again.

sesh

Hi and wellcome!
You have come to the right place. I'm sorry you're going through all this and I'm sorry to hear you're feeling depresed. I went through some really bad things with my STBXAH in the past year, at times I felt really depressed too, but I went to the therapist and she has put me on AD and I've been feeling much better since.
I don't know if you're doing the same thing allready, but if not, I'd suggest to find a therapist and if advised take some meds for awhile.
But to be honest, AD are not the only things that has helped me get through it. It was this place too. As for me this place is all about recovery for us, NA's. I suggest you stick around here and read as much as you can. especially the stickies at the top of the forum. There is so much wisdom here.
I believe the greatest thing I have learned here is I'm the only one that can make me feel better. (And nowdays I do feel good, regardless of what my STBXAH pulls on me.)
take care and stick around
HUGS
sesh

ollie-o

Thanks.I am on meds,I'm in therapy and it's still not helping.I think it's just going to take a while.I was at the food pantry this morning and saw an old friend of ours.He asked how aexh was doing,and I told him I have no idea even where he is.I told him I also have a restraining order against him,and he said "Again?Doesn't he ever learn?"I explained how he was threatening to kill me in front of the kids,how if I let him in he would guzzle a bottle of vodka and just get more and more drunk as he stayed here.I'm still having a real hard time coping.Our 9yo son has to go for an MRI,he was born with heart defects and has a microdeletion of his 2nd chromosome,as well as Aspergers,and he's developing breast tissue so the drs are all concerned.They want to run more blood work just to make sure everything is ok.My poor little man.I'm scared and aexh has no idea what's going on,and I don't even know if he cares.On the plus side,I signed our son up for karate.My parents are helping me pay since we are very low income.He needs the disipline and self esteem plus the physical fitness that karate helps him achieve.He's all excited,we're going tonight and his uniform is in!Both kids are excited because one of our cats(we have 5!) snuck out and got herself pregnant,so we're having kittens!First time after having cats my whole life.I know I'm not going to be able to give them away.I'll fall in love with them as soon as they are born(and their mother is getting spayed!).

So we have a lot going on.I'm trying to stay as busy as possible.Our son is doing a study about autistic kids tomorrow(he's all excited,no school and it's supposed to be fun for him).Then Saturday we have Record Store day,where the local record store gives out freebies and they have special sales.Also on Sat Toys R Us is having a spring event,so we're going to that too.Then we have on Sunday a Stop Bullying family fun day and pep rally.Should be a fun weekend.After karate tonight my best friend is coming over with her daughter,so the kids can play and we can talk.That usually helps me a lot.I lost all my friends except her due to aexh's behavior.

I'm feeling like crap right now,but I know seeing my son at his karate class will help me feel better.Thank you all for listening to me rant.