reguarding visits with the kids
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 174
reguarding visits with the kids
So you probably read about the drama with exA momma. Well, she is our third party and she calls me tonight wondering if exA could take the kids on tuesday when I have class..I was thinking, um hello you just told me you didn't want them and now you do?!
exA wants them tuesday night at his mom's and then his birthday is Thursday so he wants to take them out to eat and then drop them off at the 'original' babysitters that I planned. I was in people pleasing mode and said yes that should be fine.
Now I think about it..WTH why didn't they call the last 6 days adn then all of a sudden they want the kids when I have class? I think I will call her back and say No.
My 4 year old mentioned that daddy, grandma and grandpa were fighting inthe computer room office. and then I asked both kids separately if they wanted to go to daddy/gma or 'original' babysitter and the 3 year old caught me by suprise and said 'original' babysitter and didn't want to go to grandmas.he said this twice. Then my 4 year old said, 'original' babysitter but then went back and fourth..
Call her back and say no?
exA wants them tuesday night at his mom's and then his birthday is Thursday so he wants to take them out to eat and then drop them off at the 'original' babysitters that I planned. I was in people pleasing mode and said yes that should be fine.
Now I think about it..WTH why didn't they call the last 6 days adn then all of a sudden they want the kids when I have class? I think I will call her back and say No.
My 4 year old mentioned that daddy, grandma and grandpa were fighting inthe computer room office. and then I asked both kids separately if they wanted to go to daddy/gma or 'original' babysitter and the 3 year old caught me by suprise and said 'original' babysitter and didn't want to go to grandmas.he said this twice. Then my 4 year old said, 'original' babysitter but then went back and fourth..
Call her back and say no?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Um, it's your call, but you did agree and at this point it might seem a little flaky to all involved (including the kids) if you change your mind again.
Maybe next time you could say (as we were saying about the lawyer) that you will have to think about it (or check your calendar or something) and get back to her. Just practice saying, "Let me think about it." Then you can calmly think about what you really want, without feeling pressured or "people pleasing."
Maybe next time you could say (as we were saying about the lawyer) that you will have to think about it (or check your calendar or something) and get back to her. Just practice saying, "Let me think about it." Then you can calmly think about what you really want, without feeling pressured or "people pleasing."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 49
Second what Lexi said.
Also, did you already cancel on the original babysitter? That may play a part in your choice.
Just mentioning it because I know if I canceled on a babysitter it would be harder to get them the next time.
Also, did you already cancel on the original babysitter? That may play a part in your choice.
Just mentioning it because I know if I canceled on a babysitter it would be harder to get them the next time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 49
You finish your classes after this weekend right?
Personally, I would be more worried about them saying they want to babysit and then canceling again and then you can't find someone when you *need* to be in class - and I am cheap, so if I have paid someone already - i would just stick with the plans.
There are other days for them, but this week if very important for *you* and I hope you can not have to worry about BS at all
Of course your call though
Personally, I would be more worried about them saying they want to babysit and then canceling again and then you can't find someone when you *need* to be in class - and I am cheap, so if I have paid someone already - i would just stick with the plans.
There are other days for them, but this week if very important for *you* and I hope you can not have to worry about BS at all
Of course your call though
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Del Rio, TX
Posts: 380
Agree with the above. You should think about slowing your responses down. None of these decisions are time critical. You have plenty of time to think it through and then make the best decision for you and your kids.
No matter what you do, they will continue to do what they want to do. They will change their mind on almost everything.
Ten bucks says even if you don't say another word about this upcoming week, they will modify the plan. That's the MO I keep reading.
No matter what you do, they will continue to do what they want to do. They will change their mind on almost everything.
Ten bucks says even if you don't say another word about this upcoming week, they will modify the plan. That's the MO I keep reading.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
I also would be wary of a last minute plan change on their part. I have been there many times. Not so much with MIL, but RAH does that a lot, and I am stck high and dry...
and you already know he wont care about how it puts you in a bind.
I guess I would call and tell them that the Original babysitter had something special planned,(movie, games, whatev) and that the kids are excited about it.
Then offer a different scenario for their visit, so they feel like you are workable.
Oh, and dont forget to feign absolute gratitude for the offer, LOL. Goes a long way in disarming loaded interactions.
and you already know he wont care about how it puts you in a bind.
I guess I would call and tell them that the Original babysitter had something special planned,(movie, games, whatev) and that the kids are excited about it.
Then offer a different scenario for their visit, so they feel like you are workable.
Oh, and dont forget to feign absolute gratitude for the offer, LOL. Goes a long way in disarming loaded interactions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 174
Ok well I did call her this morning and told her Tuesday wouldn't work but MAYBE exA(I keep wanting to type his name!) could take them out to eat Thurs since it is his birthday and drop them off afterwards.
ExA was home because I guess its too windy out. she tells him this and they talk and she puts me on hold-covers up her phone because all I hear are mumbles. It took a while, then she says well exA thinks Tuesday is the only day that would work in his schedule, she went on and on how he misses them...? Ok, so then I told her I already have it set up and I paid her to watch the kids. Well then for the Thursday she said that exA wasn't sure if he would still be able to or if he was working. Then says, exA wants you to know he is getting in a program.
I'm thinking something was a little fishy there...whatever, I am not going to worry about it or try not too. I don't know why he would REALLY want them only on that Tuesday.
ExA was home because I guess its too windy out. she tells him this and they talk and she puts me on hold-covers up her phone because all I hear are mumbles. It took a while, then she says well exA thinks Tuesday is the only day that would work in his schedule, she went on and on how he misses them...? Ok, so then I told her I already have it set up and I paid her to watch the kids. Well then for the Thursday she said that exA wasn't sure if he would still be able to or if he was working. Then says, exA wants you to know he is getting in a program.
I'm thinking something was a little fishy there...whatever, I am not going to worry about it or try not too. I don't know why he would REALLY want them only on that Tuesday.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
So he could push you around, control schedules, reek havoc, try to guilt and manipulate you about time with his kids, bail on you last minute, or call every 10 minutes until his battery dies to tell you how you need to hurry up and get the kids - make your life hell. At least that is what mine mostly seemed to want.
I learned in short order that if I *needed* a sitter I kept it to myself and hired a sitter.
I learned in short order that if I *needed* a sitter I kept it to myself and hired a sitter.
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