emptied the house today
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
emptied the house today
Well, packed the truck, and drove 5 hours away from the exABF. The apartment was so empty by the time I got all my stuff out. Echoes in every room, bare walls, even smelled different, didn't smell like a home anymore.
Emailed his mother, and let her know that with concern for my and his safety during this difficult time, I had hidden his gun in the attic last week. Told her where it was, and that she could do with that information what she wished. I carefully examined my motives before sending the email, and decided it was the only way I could feel 100% about his life and fate being completely out of my hands. What he chooses to do is someone else's problem now.
I was pretty strong all day, and still feel good. I know I am doing the right thing, and am so looking forward to starting a new life, a clean slate. Just me, my dog, my cat, my bird, and God. That's all I need.
Oh, and Alanon and SR
My facebook page still says 'in a relationship', and will stay that way for a long time, as a reminder that I am focusing on my relationship with my HP. And with myself.
I hope this feeling of peace lasts for a long time. I'm sure some days will be better than others.
Emailed his mother, and let her know that with concern for my and his safety during this difficult time, I had hidden his gun in the attic last week. Told her where it was, and that she could do with that information what she wished. I carefully examined my motives before sending the email, and decided it was the only way I could feel 100% about his life and fate being completely out of my hands. What he chooses to do is someone else's problem now.
I was pretty strong all day, and still feel good. I know I am doing the right thing, and am so looking forward to starting a new life, a clean slate. Just me, my dog, my cat, my bird, and God. That's all I need.
Oh, and Alanon and SR
My facebook page still says 'in a relationship', and will stay that way for a long time, as a reminder that I am focusing on my relationship with my HP. And with myself.
I hope this feeling of peace lasts for a long time. I'm sure some days will be better than others.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
kittykitty,
you did a courageous thing and i am proud of you. things will get better and it will take time, but it is obvious that you have what it takes.
stay strong and take care. hugs and prayers.
you did a courageous thing and i am proud of you. things will get better and it will take time, but it is obvious that you have what it takes.
stay strong and take care. hugs and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I agree with sending that email. Holding that secret and wondering what ever became of that gun or how it would be used, would weigh on you. Best to leave that knowledge behind you where it belongs.
I read your post and I can vividly remember how I felt when I embarked on my own path without my EX. So many emotions.
I left with my pets and my belongings and my desire to be healthier emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It feels like yesterday, though it's been over a year and half now. Makes me realize recovery knows no time. It moves at its own pace and in its own way.
Congratulations on the start of your journey!
Alice
I read your post and I can vividly remember how I felt when I embarked on my own path without my EX. So many emotions.
I left with my pets and my belongings and my desire to be healthier emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It feels like yesterday, though it's been over a year and half now. Makes me realize recovery knows no time. It moves at its own pace and in its own way.
Congratulations on the start of your journey!
Alice
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
Another great day, even though I spent over 6 hours unpacking a truck into a storage unit. At one point I was in the truck as we were finally getting to the end of it, and a yellowjacket was flying around inside. Instead of getting nervous and worked up about it, as I normally would (I have a pretty bad reaction if I am stung), I smiled and said, "oh, are you here to help me unpack? I don't know how much you can carry". After I said it, I was like, "what the heck was that? Was that happiness? Did I just smile at a wasp?" It took me by surprise, but I liked it. And I made it through the whole day with a smile on my face, and without one single thought of oh my gosh this is so hard, too much work, why am I doing this.
In "Transforming Our Losses", there is alot of focus on how those of us who leave an A feel grief when it happens, regret, loss of the dream, etc. It also states the fact that even though the relationship just ended, we have actually been grieving for a long time. The amount of time it took us to finally make the decision and follow through with it, it seems a good chunk of that time we were already grieving, as we slowly realized that the plans we had made and the future we had planned out with this person are dying. Perhaps that is why I don't feel so bad now, because i have been feeling nothing but bad for the last three months. I've been grieving the whole time.
Thanks for the encouraging words, and the continued support. Another day down!
In "Transforming Our Losses", there is alot of focus on how those of us who leave an A feel grief when it happens, regret, loss of the dream, etc. It also states the fact that even though the relationship just ended, we have actually been grieving for a long time. The amount of time it took us to finally make the decision and follow through with it, it seems a good chunk of that time we were already grieving, as we slowly realized that the plans we had made and the future we had planned out with this person are dying. Perhaps that is why I don't feel so bad now, because i have been feeling nothing but bad for the last three months. I've been grieving the whole time.
Thanks for the encouraging words, and the continued support. Another day down!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
I think I agree with that, Kitty. I am two weeks to D-day (Or M for Moving Day) and I am so excited I could wet myself, but at the same time so incredibly sad at the prospect of it being a real sense of finality. There won't be any reason to contact him anymore. None. Now its completely done. Taxes - check. Furniture and other items - check. No more joint savings account - check. Told him to stay away from my kids until he can treat their Mother with some respect - check.
There will be no other reason to contact each other except for the simple act of wanting to talk. Hhhmmm...wonder how long that will last?
There will be no other reason to contact each other except for the simple act of wanting to talk. Hhhmmm...wonder how long that will last?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
My second husband used to call me once every few months--always drunk. Gradually the calls got further and further apart--I think it's been over two years, maybe three, since he called. I only know he's alive because of a mention on a website for an organization where he volunteers (I doubt he gets any paid employment). Sad. But I am SOOOO thankful I don't have to be there to watch it.
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Hey Tuffgirl,
Do you have a back up plan for the "wanting to talk" scenario?
I was in a panic last week, as I finished packing up. I left the apartment on Tues afternoon for a few days and was then returning with friends to pick up the rental truck on Friday. But on that Monday and Tues, I was having alot of trouble, with the realization that this was really it, i was leaving the state, we have no kids, no reason to stay in touch anymore, no mutual friends, nothing. I was having a really hard time with it, I posted about it on here last Tues night. I didn't think I was going to be able to do it.
And I cried about it for at least 50% of Monday, and 80% of Tuesday. Not just sniffles, but really cried. But now I realize it was normal, and healthy, to do that, and I'm glad I did it. It may sound funny, but if it feels this peaceful afterwards, I hope to cry some more in the near future! (not saying I want to go through everything I've been through again, but you get the picture).
I wish you the best of luck with your upcoming adventure, and if you want to call him to talk, just come here instead!!!
Do you have a back up plan for the "wanting to talk" scenario?
I was in a panic last week, as I finished packing up. I left the apartment on Tues afternoon for a few days and was then returning with friends to pick up the rental truck on Friday. But on that Monday and Tues, I was having alot of trouble, with the realization that this was really it, i was leaving the state, we have no kids, no reason to stay in touch anymore, no mutual friends, nothing. I was having a really hard time with it, I posted about it on here last Tues night. I didn't think I was going to be able to do it.
And I cried about it for at least 50% of Monday, and 80% of Tuesday. Not just sniffles, but really cried. But now I realize it was normal, and healthy, to do that, and I'm glad I did it. It may sound funny, but if it feels this peaceful afterwards, I hope to cry some more in the near future! (not saying I want to go through everything I've been through again, but you get the picture).
I wish you the best of luck with your upcoming adventure, and if you want to call him to talk, just come here instead!!!
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