JayT

I am new on this site and am stoked to have found it. My house of cards has been falling around me. I have been "dry drunk" for 2.5 years and only recently started going to AA meetings. Recently (very recently) my (ex) fiancee called er quits and we have a four year old son. And thats just the icing on the cake.
I am listening in the rooms and reading alot about acceptance and "this too will pass" but it is still hard. Acceptance is a tough thing for me right now. I know I have to but my head is reeling like crazy. Breathe man...breathe. Maybe someone out there has been in the same spot? I am still living with her until the end of the month due to circumstances. We are civil and I still love her. Argh! Antyone out there have any words of wisdom or support?



I am amped to be on step 3 in the program and am hitting meetings all the time. They are my solace...my peace. But the rats wont quit running around my attic, no matter how hard I try. Hopes are that an inner peace will come soon.......

artsoul

Welcome Jay! A big congratulations on 2 1/2 years - that's really great! Sorry to hear about your relationship, though - that's really rough.

I think we can practice acceptance and get better and better at it, but what you're going through wouldn't be easy for anyone, alcoholic or not. I'm glad you found this forum and are attending AA - it's going to be crucial for you to have friends in recovery during this time.

This is a great community, so hang around and keep posting/reading!

Dee74

Hi JayT

Welcome

I'm sorry to hear of your situation.

I'm not in AA but, to be honest, the only acceptance I really worried about in the beginning was the acceptance that I was an alcoholic, and that drinking was no longer a viable option.

That was hard enough to accept - acceptance of other things in my life took a lot longer....

I think accepting the breakdown of a relationship, especially one with a child, is going to take a while - for anyone, alcoholic or not.

Maybe you shouldn't be too hard on yourself? the things you are feeling seem natural to me....just keep taking steps to make sure that you don't drink on them.

D

Manz

Hi Jay, was nice to see you in chat this evening.

I am sorry to hear of your situation, and can understand a little. I too have a 4yr old, and have an ex hubby. It was not easy at the time, and all I can say is it really does get better.... like anything with time.

Take it easy on yourself, be as kind to youself as you would be towards your best friend. And keep up the meetings and getting support, I dont do AA, but do get support and support is crucial at atime like this.

You will find a huge amount of support here at SR in the forums and on chat. Keep us up to date, let us know how you are doing.

And whatever you do, dont let this take away your sobriety.... that is way too precious.

Welcome again Jay.

mtnmagic

Hi Jay and welcome. I have absolutely no words of wisdom for you, but
I can send out the hand of friendship and support and tell you that SR is
a wonderful place for both. There are people here 24/7 and please use
this place as much as you need for your sobriety. Look forward to "seeing"
more from you on these boards.

CarolD

Welcome ..
All my best to the 3 of you

I'm glad you have started your AA Steps because that's
how I have overcome many of lifes bumps...
Prayer and living the Steps give me emotional balance.

keithj

For me JayT, acceptance was never an action. I couldn't just think myself into acceptance or 'let go and let god'. Those were results that came from the actions of the 12 Steps. Right after the 3rd Step prayer, we are told to start our 4th Step 'next' or 'at once'.

NewStart11

Welcome Jay - sorry to hear your having a rough time. Theres a book called 'dont let the bastards grind you down' (i think) and she talks about the 'hampsters' in her head, and about acceptance. The author has a website which can probs be found if you google the book and she has put bits of the book on there - which might be helpful to have a read.

24hrsAday

welcome Jay.. acceptance of my present circumstances is not always easy. i am where i am and i am the only one who can change it. when i was drinking i gave little thought to many of the details.. now they keep on popping up from time to time and must be given attention if i am to have any peace of mind.. glad you are with us!

yeahgr8

Until i had worked the steps of AA, i.e. recovered from alcoholism, i could not really understand what acceptance was...there is a guy that has been abstinant for 9 years that is just starting the work, he is really, really in a bad spot!!!

It just goes to show alcoholic is only the symptom of the problem...without doing the work, on ourselves, our lives will forever remain unmanageable with or without the booze...i kinda figured that out before i got to AA because i had many dry stints where my material world would improve dramatcially and eventually i would **** it all up again lol

Good news is the solution is there for you and your time away from booze is well spent and will serve as a great foundation in the future:-)

Anna

Welcome!

I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time right now.

I do think acceptance is important in recovery and I needed to accept that I could no longer drink. Once I did that, my mind started working in more healthy ways. It sounds like you need to make some changes in your life so that you don't feel like a dry drunk, as you put it. Eckhart Tolle talks about accepting what IS, simply because it IS. Denying what IS causes pain and upset. It doesn't mean that you have to love what IS but you need to accept it so that you can find ways to heal.

Supercrew

Congratulations on 2.5 years sober! You say you are having trouble with acceptance. What are you trying to accept? If it is something you can change or influence you might not have to accept it.

If you have 2.5 years of sobriety are you having troubles accepting you are an alcoholic? Why would you say you are a dry drunk?

What does dry drunk mean to you? I mean sober 2.5 years is a pretty good thing no matter how you did it.

Inafishbowl

I don't have any particular good answers. Acceptance for me, comes with time and trying to breath my way through it. You are in a very painful situation and of course it's not going to be easy. For me, I think of my daughter. No matter what happens taking a drink is just going to make a bad situation worse. Even when it is feeling like it can't get any worse, it can. Keep going to meetings, and try to keep everything civil and quiet. Also go easy on yourself. These things are heartbraking. Best to you.

Mark75

Acceptance, yea, that didn't come right away for me... In fact, I wasn't even sure what it meant, acceptance...

Keep up the step work, it will come and it will be liberating, acceptance.... It came in waves for me but it left serenity in it's wake, among other good things... I am 2.5 years myself.

Welcome to SR!!

sampar

Welcome to SR

JayT

Thank you for the advice about the 4th step. For some weird reason I could not find the 3rd step prayer in the big book or the 12-12. (which led me to google which led me to this website)...hmmmmmmmmmmm. Someone is watching out over me in amazing ways.

Ya, the "dry drunk" label was an eye opener. (it came from a couselor). The 2.5 years I have are wonderful, but now I find myself searching for self. I have not been living life on lifes terms since I stopped drinking.

I did find the 3rd step prayer in my readings last night. Very timely!

Thank you all for your words and support.

Anna

Jay, it's interesting how we get the messages that we need to get.

I'm glad you found us and I hope you stay around.

Supercrew

Why did the counselor call you a dry drunk? I understand the 12 step model may help alot of people, but one of the reasons I did not choose that path is because even when I was drunk I wasn't a morally bad person. I didn't wrong alot of people, I don't have resentments towards others. Basically I have never really burn any bridges, and I don't hate others. For me to find the real sober me, was to live sober and be happy. I try to find things other than drinking to expand myself. That comes in new friendships, new ideas, new activities, new professional goals etc. The 12 steps seemed more of way way to reflect on the past rather than explore and enjoy the future.

I am in no way perfect, but I have always liked myself, I just didn't like the way I drank. And the longer I am sober the more positive I am and the more others notice my more outgoing positive self.

I don't understand the "dry drunk" classification, if you are unhappy sober it just means you are unhappy in my opinion. And the secret to life is "if you want to be happy, act happy".